Double Texting: How Long Should You Wait & Why It Matters

Co-authored by John Keegan and Kyle Hall

Last Updated: May 10, 2022

You texted your crush or new S.O. hours ago, but still no reply. Should you double text them, and if so, how long should you wait? Double texting, or sending someone another text before they reply to the first one you sent, can be complicated according to experts. There’s more to it than you might think, and when you should (and shouldn’t) double text may surprise you. To help you navigate this tricky texting situation, we asked relationship experts what they recommend. Keep reading to learn everything you need to know about sending that follow-up text.

Section 1 of 2:

Double Texting: What the Experts Say

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Most experts agree: double texting usually isn’t a good idea. When someone doesn’t text you back, it’s super disappointing and even anxiety-inducing. But experts warn that double texting usually isn't the solution. First of all, they point out that it can come across as clingy (despite your intentions). At the beginning of a relationship, clinginess can be a turn-off. And even worse, double texting could be seen as pushy, which you definitely don’t want when you’re texting someone you’re crushing on or in a new relationship with.
- Even though you haven’t heard back from this person yet, that doesn’t mean they’re not interested! There’s a huge chance they’re just busy with school, work, or something personal.
- It’s completely normal for people to take a few days to respond to a text, especially if you don’t know each other that well yet (like if you’ve only been on a date or two).
- It’s hard, but try not to jump to conclusions yet. If you give it some time and they end up texting you back, you’ll be happy you waited.
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Wait at least one day if you still want to double text. This gives the person you texted time to respond on their own. If you still haven’t heard from them and want to follow up, text them something lighthearted. The key is to be positive and casual here—they’ll be more likely to respond that way, and you’ll lower the risk of seeming pushy. Try something like:
- “Finally got around to watching that movie you recommended. You were right, it’s incredible.”
- “Sorry, had to send you this video of baby otters playing together. I know they’re your favorite 🦦”
- “Just had the strangest experience at the coffee shop by my place 👀”
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Send a double text if your message is urgent. If you absolutely need to get ahold of your crush or S.O. for some reason, double texting is fair game. For example, you’re scheduled to meet your crush at a restaurant, but the restaurant name they gave you isn’t showing up in your GPS. In this case, you need to know the right address. Or maybe your crush invited you to grab coffee this afternoon and you texted them to confirm, but they haven’t responded. You need them to respond so you know if you’re meeting up with them or not.
- In either of these scenarios, double texting is completely justified. Don't worry about waiting if your plans or schedule depend on a reply.
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Consider moving on if you haven't gotten a response in over a week. By then you've given the other person plenty of time to get back to you. If they haven't, you deserve to move on and focus your attention elsewhere—it's not fair for you to have to wait around for someone. It definitely hurts when someone ghosts you, but now you're free to start the next exciting chapter of your life and stop worrying about their reply.

Section 2 of 2:

What to Do When You Have the Urge to Double Text

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Ask yourself why you want to double text. Do you have something you genuinely want to share with the other person? Or are you feeling hurt or anxious that they didn’t text you back (and hoping that double texting will get them to respond and make those feelings go away)? We’ve all been there before, and wanting reassurance that someone is still interested is completely normal. But double texting to avoid those unpleasant feelings won’t make you feel better in the long run.
- It’s okay to feel sad and disappointed that someone didn’t text you back. Let yourself feel and process those emotions.
- If you’re feeling anxious because someone hasn’t texted you back, find other ways to cope with that anxiety. Go for a walk, talk to a friend about how you’re feeling, or do some deep breathing.^{[1]
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Put your phone away. There’s nothing worse than staring at the last text you sent and waiting for three dots to appear, or checking your phone every 5 minutes to see if your crush or S.O. texted you back. You don’t have to subject yourself to that. Put your phone in a drawer or hide it under your pillow. Then, take a break from it for a little while. Out of sight, out of mind!
- Plus, if they do end up texting you back, you won’t see it right away and reply immediately. Waiting a while before responding will show your crush or S.O. that you have your own things going on in life just like they do.
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Distract yourself. Take a relaxing bubble bath, step outside for some fresh air, or binge that new series you’ve been wanting to watch. Do whatever you need to do to relax and keep your mind off of your phone and the person you texted. You’ll feel so much better after (and who knows—they might text you back when you’re not even thinking about it). Here are some more activities that will be way more fun than waiting around for a text:
- Baking something
- Cuddling with your pet
- Listening to upbeat music
- Drawing with markers or colored pencils
- Going through your wardrobe and creating new outfits
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Remember your worth. You deserve to have people in your life who appreciate and value you. If that’s not this person, that’s okay. Instead of pressing them to talk to you, accept that this relationship wasn’t meant to be, and focus your attention elsewhere. You’re worthy of love and friendship, and there are so many people out there who would be absolutely thrilled to talk to you—don’t forget it!
- Spend a day alone doing things you love. Take yourself shopping, go for a walk at the park you love, and end the day cooking yourself your favorite recipe.
- Lean on friends and family who value you. Organize a game night with friends or catch up with family over lunch.
- If you’re actively dating, put yourself out there again. Don’t let this one setback get you down. The right person for you is out there somewhere!