Is Your Man Seeing Someone Else? What to Look Out For

How to know if your boyfriend or husband is cheating on you with 1 or more people

Co-authored by Lauren Sanders

Last Updated: March 17, 2023 References

He’s been acting a little strange lately, and you can’t put your finger on the reason why. You could be in a committed relationship with him or maybe you’ve just become close recently, but either way, you’ve started to doubt his loyalty. This is a painful thing to wonder about — you deserve to have a healthy and secure relationship. To help you find out if you’re his one and only, we’ve put together a list of common signs a guy has multiple partners. Hopefully, knowing these signs will bring you peace of mind in your relationship.

1

He doesn’t want to cuddle.

Snuggling with you makes him feel guilty about his infidelity. You used to be able to sit on the couch together, cuddled up against him, but now he finds a reason to get up from where he’s lounging as soon as you try to join him. The stress of having other partners could be overwhelming for him to the point that he can’t decompress around you any more. ^{[1]
X
Research source}

2

You’ve caught him lying before.

With multiple partners, he can’t keep his story straight. Sometimes he corrects details about his day or omits small truths that you find out about much later. If he’s telling you about his life on a ‘need to know’ basis, this isn’t healthy for your relationship communication overall.^{[2]
X
Research source}

3

Your sex is very different.

He might mix up your romantic routine with someone else’s. You’re probably confused about why you barely have sex anymore and wondering if he’s exhausting energy on someone else. ^{[3]
X
Research source}
- It’s critical that both of you have been tested for STDs. Getting tested is always important, but it should be at the top of your to-do list if you’re questioning your partner’s monogamy. A lot of STDs can be present without exhibiting symptoms. ^{[4]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
  Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services
  Go to source}

4

He doesn’t show you off.

Keeping your relationship secret lets him play the field. If your significant other hasn’t been taking you out, introducing you to others or tagging you on social posts, you might feel like a secret. A relationship that feels secretive can decrease relationship quality. You deserve someone who is proud to be yours!^{[5]
X
Research source}
- If they never mentioned in social media that they're in their relationship with anybody at all, it's probably because they're trying to keep their options open. If you're dating somebody or involving somebody or in a relationship with somebody, and they never post about you, it's because they don't want any of their prospects, people that are interested in them, saying that they may be talking to somebody else.

5

You never see his phone.

His messages could reveal another lover, which he wants to hide. You see him bringing the phone with him everywhere. When you notice that he’s getting texts, he’ll seem jumpy or won’t fill you in on who is trying to reach him. Privacy is one thing, but it’s unusual if he’s obsessive about it.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- You might see him consistently leave the room to answer calls or decline them when you’re together. If a lot of these calls seem mysterious — or if he brushes off your questions about them altogether — he might be talking to people behind your back.

6

You don’t feel like you know him.

He reserves parts of himself for his other partners. Doubts about loyalty mean you’re lacking trust in your relationship. You feel like you don’t know the full truth about him, but you don’t want to jump to conclusions. Either way, feeling jealous or insecure all the time isn’t healthy.^{[7]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}

7

He’s spending more time on his appearance.

An overnight glow up could be for the attention of another partner. Maybe he got a new haircut, or he’s been going to the gym every day this month. He might choose to dress the same around you but pull out all the stops to look his best for work and social events. ^{[8]
X
Research source}
- A similar sign could be if he has upgraded specific clothing, like his underwear collection. If he’s suddenly switched out his worn down favorites for fresh styles, the fashion show might be for someone other than you. ^{[9]
  X
  Research source}

8

He changes plans quickly.

Nothing is set in stone if he has multiple partners. If you’ve noticed that he’s quick to rearrange plans with you — or has tons of excuses to drop out of them entirely — then he’s not making enough time for your relationship. Late nights spent working, unexpected appointments, or long sessions at the gym are all common excuses cheaters use to hide their routine. ^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Maybe you’ve noticed that he doesn’t like it when you surprise him or change your own plans. If this is the case, he might be relying on your predictable schedule to make secretive plans during the times that you’re busy.

9

He avoids eye contact.

Looking you in the eye might reveal the truth of his secret life. If he’s avoiding making eye contact while he’s talking, he could also be avoiding telling you the complete truth. He might answer questions about his day while watching TV or immediately turning to clean something so he doesn’t have to look right at you.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- Other signs of lying can be rolling their lips into their mouth to prevent themselves from speaking more, sweating, fidgeting with their hands or gesturing with both hands, and raising the pitch of their voice.^{[12]
  X
  Research source}

10

He’s hostile toward you.

Cheating partners tend to take their guilt out on others. He nitpicks the way you clean dishes or he might even find more personal faults with your personality and ambitions. Doing this helps him justify his own choices to himself — and is super unfair and hurtful to you.^{[13]
X
Research source}

11

His smell has changed.

A new perfume or cologne could be left over from an unfaithful hookup. You might not even smell a distinct difference, but you’ve noticed that he always takes a shower before greeting you when he comes home. Covering up a smell or other evidence could be a sign that he has something to hide. ^{[14]
X
Research source}

12

His friends date around.

Surrounding himself with others who cheat could prompt infidelity. When you meet his friends at parties, they’re usually looking for a new hookup. Or they’re in a relationship but you’ve heard stories about them cheating in the past. Keep an eye on this, especially if he defends his friends when you bring up their behavior.^{[15]
X
Research source}

13

His car is suddenly spotless.

An unusually clean car could be for hooking up with other partners. This won’t be a huge cause for worry if he’s become more focused on tidying up. But if all the usual clutter has vanished — or if you find one of the chairs leaned far back — it might be worth asking about.^{[16]
X
Research source}

14

He’s unable to make future plans with you.

Cheaters will gradually cut ties to favor other partners’ needs and wants. When you ask about planning a trip together or making an expensive joint purchase, he tends to change the subject. He’ll probably tell you that he’s just being cautious, but it’s a red flag if he rejects any future-forward decision that includes you.^{[17]
X
Research source}

15

He has brand new hobbies.

New partners can make him eager to learn about things they like. Lately he’s picked up unexpected hobbies — he’s rock climbing despite his fear of heights, or watching documentaries after only ever liking action movies. You’re supportive of his new passions, but you’re also wondering if there’s more to his passion than meets the eye.^{[18]
X
Research source}

16

He’s defensive about his closest friendships.

Strongly sticking up for “friends” could mean something more. Of course, this is only relevant if your man could be attracted to this friend based on his sexual orientation. It’s unhealthy if your partner’s connection with this person is crossing a line and hurting the intimacy in your relationship.^{[19]
X
Research source}