Signs an Aquarius Man is Using You: 14 Red Flags & Mind Games He’ll Play

Telltale indicators that an Aquarius man is stringing you along but unwilling to commit

Co-authored by Angel Eyedealism and Glenn Carreau

Last Updated: December 21, 2022

It’s easy to get swept away by an Aquarius man’s wit and optimistic charm, but harder to tell when his affections are sincere. If you’re concerned that he’s using you and want to figure out exactly where he stands, there are a few red flags to look for. We’re here to help with a comprehensive list of signs that an Aquarius man is using you, so you can understand what he’s doing and determine the best way to respond.

Things You Should Know

Aquarius guys are normally social and intellectual but won’t have deep conversations or spend quality time with you when they’re using you.
Your Aquarius might seem cold and distant, or play hard-to-get in order to keep you on the hook.
Stubborn Aquarius guys will refuse to compromise or empathize with you. They might even be cranky or downright rude to you.

1

He avoids spending time with you.

A logical Aquarius only invests time in someone they’re serious about. When he’s using you, he won’t spend any time on romantic gestures or activities that build a stronger connection between you. He also won’t try to plan any special or creative dates because he’s not interested in trying to impress you. If the time you spend together seems meaningless and repetitive, it might mean he’s using you.

2

Your conversations are brief and shallow.

Intellectual Aquarians love deep conversations with committed partners. They want to show off their intellect and discuss their dreams, goals, and inner thoughts.^{[1]
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Research source} The only reason Aquarius wouldn’t open up to you is if they don’t plan to pursue a long-term relationship. If you’ve been dating for a while and all your conversations are superficial, he’s likely using you.
- If you feel unsatisfied with this dynamic, communicate your needs to him. Whether he agrees or you end up breaking things off, it’s better to be honest and assertive!
- Aquarius is ruled by Uranus, the planet of innovation and change. As the zodiac’s quick-witted revolutionary, meaningful conversation is a must for Aquarius, so expect deeper exchanges if he's serious about you.

3

He doesn’t ask about your life.

Curious Aquarius loves asking questions when they care for someone. Unfortunately, if your Aquarius is using you, it’ll feel like the conversations you do have are a one-way street. It’s all about him and never about you. He won’t ask you questions about your dreams, goals, and passions because he doesn’t plan to establish a long-term relationship with you.
- Normally, Aquarius’s boundless curiosity extends to the person they’re dating: they’ll want to know everything about you, from your favorite food to what makes you tick.
- An Aquarius guy will use the information he learns to surprise and encourage you. He probably won't stick around if he isn’t interested in learning anything.
- Be honest with yourself about what you want from the relationship, and don’t subject yourself to a relationship that isn’t fulfilling. You deserve better!

4

He seems cold and distant.

Aquarians give the bare minimum to relationships they don’t care about. When an Aquarius is using you, he might seem bright and eager on days when he wants something…and then become cold and distant when he’s not in the mood to pretend. He’ll make minimal effort to keep you around and consciously withhold affection because the relationship isn’t a priority.^{[2]
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- When they truly care about a relationship, Aquarius guys can be amazing partners. They’re thoughtful and devoted and love coming up with new ways to enjoy your time together.
- However, trouble arises when this intellectual sign gets overly invested in their radical ideas to change the world and forgets to invest in their own relationships.

5

He’s inconsistent and unreliable.

An Aquarius guy becomes inconsistent because he isn’t trying anymore. If you find that your Aquarius guy almost never follows through on his word or shows up on time, it’s a sign that he’s using you. He’ll flake out on just about any plans you have and make up reasons at the last minute. Given Aquarius’s sharp mind, he’s sadly good at thinking of new excuses for being so inconsistent.
- For example, you might notice that he’s always at least 30 minutes late to every date or ends up texting you to cancel more than half of them right before it’s time to meet up.
- He might also blow you off whenever you call or text, telling you he’s busy or it’s not a good time.

6

He won’t compromise with you.

Unless they're committed, Aquarians won't change their stubborn ways. As a fixed sign, Aquarius is known for being a stubborn creature of habit. For all their revolutionary ideas, they can be quite close-minded. When an Aquarius is just using you, he’ll be especially unwilling to compromise—because he doesn’t want to put in the effort. It’ll feel like his way or the highway.
- For example, you might feel like your opinions and preferences don’t matter to him whenever you try to speak up. Even when you ask to go out for pizza, he’ll insist on burgers if it’s what he wants.
- Offer a compromise to resolve a conflict between you and see what he does with it. You might need to look for someone more open-minded if there’s no way to bend his perspective.

7

He’s selfish and takes you for granted.

Selfishness is a sign that he doesn’t care about your needs. You might feel like there’s an uneven balance of power between you—that you’re always the one who has to work around him and his needs, and never the opposite. Unfortunately, when an Aquarius man is using you, he might not care about your needs or comfort at all. He'll shrug off if you tell him you’re unhappy.
- Some Aquarius guys might even consciously play with your emotions and make you feel taken for granted if they’re just using you.
- If his actions tell you that your comfort doesn’t matter to him, the healthiest thing to do is take the hint and walk away.

8

He’s rude when he doesn’t get his way.

Aquarians can be rude if they don't care how their words affect you. Normally cool-headed and rational, Aquarius guys are surprisingly likely to get cranky and even lash out when they’re not making the effort to empathize with you or control their temper. If you notice that he’s snappy or even unusually rude, he might be trying to keep you at arm’s length because he's using you.
- He might make you feel like you’re the problem or start getting annoyed with everything you do. He could also say things unfiltered without considering how they’ll make you feel.
- Don’t be afraid to set boundaries with him and tell him when his behavior is unacceptable. Everyone has bad days, but that doesn’t mean he’s allowed to take out his moods on you.

9

He doesn’t show up to support you.

He'll turn up when he wants something and never return the favor. A loving Aquarius partner is always more than happy to be there for you, offering support, advice, and a helping hand when you need it. Conversely, he won’t bother supporting you if he's using you. He’s only interested in what you can do for him—not the other way around.
- Relationships should be a partnership of equals, not this kind of uneven and unhealthy dynamic. Remember that you don’t have to accept this behavior if it makes you feel isolated or unwanted.

10

He plays hard-to-get with you.

An Aquarius’s behavior might flip-flop when they’re fishing for attention. He might act completely disinterested, only to change his mind and come on strong a few hours later or blow hot and cold with no warning. Aquarians are known for their unpredictable behavior, which can manifest as a game of hard-to-get when he’s using you.^{[3]
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- You might be able to attract his attention briefly by playing the same game and ignoring him temporarily, but ultimately, it won’t solve the problem.
- Mind games are a good indication that he isn’t serious about you. If calling him out on them doesn’t work, then moving on is the best choice.

11

He ghosts you over text.

Independent Aquarius might take it too far and drop contact entirely. Like the other air signs, Aquarius is free-spirited and likes to maintain some independence, no matter how devoted to a partner they become. However, when they’re using someone, Aquarius guys might get a little too aloof and stop texting altogether for days (or weeks).
- Ask him about his reasons for ghosting before jumping to conclusions. You never know if he was dealing with something serious that came up.
- Sometimes, Aquarian men become slow to respond because they need to be casual about commitment and don’t want to move too fast. Show him that you can be patient and supportive of this to make him feel more comfortable.

12

You haven’t met his friends or family.

When he’s just using you, he won’t want you to be part of his inner circle. Aquarius guys are social, but they’re only comfortable around their inner circle—a small group of friends and family. If you’ve been dating for a while and he still refuses to be seen in public with you or make plans to introduce you to family or friends, it might mean he’s keeping you separate because he won’t commit to you.
- Talk to him about your concerns. He might have a legitimate reason for dragging his heels, or he might not see you as a long-term partner.
- Either way, knowing the real reason why you haven’t met his friends or family will help you decide what to do. If he’s using you, it might be time to find someone who will proudly introduce you to everyone they know.

13

Your relationship is mainly sexual.

Aquarius guys aren't likely to commit to relationships based on sex. Overall, Aquarius is more cerebral than physical. Aquarius guys enjoy intimacy with their partners but also look for a meaningful intellectual and emotional connection. Therefore, when Aquarius is only interested in sex with you, it’s a sign that he’s not really serious about the relationship.
- When you’re intimate with him, you might also notice that he can be selfish in bed—concerned with his own pleasure but not with yours.
- If you prefer impersonal hookups, then this relationship might be okay with you. However, it’s important for both of you to be on the same page about what you want from one another.

14

He never talks about the future.

Bringing up the future means Aquarius wants to include you in theirs. This sign is driven and goal-oriented, which means they'll plan carefully to achieve success. If you’re part of that long-term plan, your Aquarius guy will make sure you know it. If he deflects your questions about the future and refuses to talk about it, on the other hand, it means he doesn’t see the relationship lasting.
- Try testing the waters and mentioning a future plan of yours. If he’s unwilling to engage, you might need to talk to him more directly about your concerns and desire to discuss both of your futures.
- If he doesn't want you in his future plans, the best thing to do is find someone else who will celebrate your presence in their present and future!