How to Be Patient in Love

Co-authored by Philip Glickman, PsyD

Last Updated: July 26, 2022

There are two kinds of being patient in love––one is being patient about finding the right person to fall in love with. The other is about being patient with the person you fell in love with. Both are important skills to acquire for a well-lived life.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Being Patient about Falling in Love

1
Realize that love isn't something that can be forced. It takes time to connect with the person who is going to become your best friend, your helpmate, your partner in life. Rushing it wouldn't do any good because you might end up choosing someone who isn't right, just by being speedy. Allow love the time to blossom and the right person to walk into your life.
2
Make the most of the time you are single. Use this time to learn more about who you are and what you want from life. Define your purpose. Find the things that give life to your passion and do them. The great thing about having time to fathom these things for yourself is that you'll end up doing things around people who have the same passions and interests as you; and amid those people may just be the person who is going to connect deeply with you.

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3
Make the most of the time you are dating people. Not all the people you date will end up being compatible with you. Moreover, even some of those you start planning a future with won't end up in that future. Some of these people may end up being a good friend or just someone you once knew, but each of them brings you closer to the person you will spend your lifetime with. In the process, you learn more about yourself in the context of a relationship and what does and doesn't work for you.
4
Be prepared to wait. True love waits. Sometimes there is nothing else that you can do than than to wait––for the end of college, for the end of a relationship, for the end of long distance lives, for the end of a career move, and so forth. Whatever the reason, if it's true love, it will contain great patience before you can finally both come together as one.
5
Take it easy and slowly when you do fall in love. Patience is again a virtue when it comes to the speed at which you fall in love. While it's great fun to feel the dizzy heights of falling in love, it's a phase that eventually turns into a more steady pace of daily routine, by which stage you need to have cemented firm friendship, deep commitment and acceptance of each other's foibles as much as your features. Taking it slowly allows both of you to really get to know each other and to be accepting of the limitations and less liked things, early on.
- If you're having negative thoughts, try to list positive qualities about yourself to help you feel more confident.^{[1]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Philip Glickman, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Being Patient with the One You Love

1
Enjoy the journey as much as the outcome. Falling in love and staying in love is a journey, not a destination in itself. Each part of this journey requires patience and a willingness to accept that a lifetime is a long time and there needs to be room for change, growth and maturation as well. Patience will turn out to be a big part of this journey, helping both of you to stay connected and understanding of one another for many decades to come.
2
Become a good listener. It doesn't matter if you aren't one already, it is a skill any person can learn once they choose to do so. Being a good listener brings with it many benefits, including helping the other person to feel genuinely heard, actually understanding what motivates the other person and providing space for healing discussion during conflict. A patient heart that listens is often at the center of a healthy, loving relationship.
- There are plenty of great resources available on how to be a good listener, and wikiHow is a great place to start: How to be a good listener, How to become a better listener and How to relearn listening to your spouse.
- Learn to listen without interrupting. It may be hard to wait your turn but it is vital and it is a mark of respect toward the other person.
3
Learn to communicate well. Communications lie at the heart of any relationship but especially so for those in a loving commitment. Conflict is an inevitable part of a relationship but it isn't to be viewed as solely a negative; conflict allows you get across things that need to be dealt with and then to resolve them together.^{[2]
X
Expert Source

Philip Glickman, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.} Patience is the glue behind resolving any conflict the two of you may have, and sometimes you may need a huge does of patience to see things through to a satisfactory resolution. Improving your communication skills and your conflict resolution skills are key to achieving this effectively.
- Learn to count to 10, breathe deeply and bite your savage words back when a conflict arises.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Philip Glickman, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.} If you need to, ask to leave the discussion until you feel ready to resume it later and take some time out to think things through.
- Avoid being accusatory when you talk to your love. A patient approach looks for the good faith reasons behind actions and accepts that every person has their limitations.
4
Match your strengths to your love's weaknesses and match your love's strengths to your weaknesses. You are a team in life, a force of togetherness and mutual support. Patience helps you to recognize both this and the reality that each of you needs to buffer and support the other by bringing both of your strengths to the fore. Be patient with your partner's weaknesses and be ready to make up for them with your strengths; in turn, expect the same from your partner.
- For example, you're a whizz with budgeting and your partner is flaky with money. Guess who gets to do the bills weekly? Yet, you are flaky with getting anywhere on time, but your partner is an ace at timeliness, so guess who gets to organize your schedule?
5
Look forward to the future together. Foresee what may unfold for both of you and plan together. Be patient about obtaining your shared goals, hopes and dreams. Rushing into them isn't advisable, for all good things take time to grow and bear fruit. Know that while it may seem hard now, with both of you resolving to make things better, to put your finances, efforts, skills and abilities toward the goals and dreams, you will both get there. As Rumi once wrote, "lovers are patient and know that the moon needs time to become full." Plan together, work, share and laugh together, and reassure one another that the things you both seek will come to pass.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I be patient with my man?

Philip Glickman, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Philip Glickman is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Director of Wellness Road Psychology with two locations in Dobbs Ferry and the Financial District of New York City. He specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness techniques, treatment of anxiety, and life coaching. Dr. Glickman is a member of the American Psychological Association. He holds a BA in Criminology and Psychology from The University of Maryland College Park and an MA in Forensic Psychology from The City University of New York. Dr. Glickman also holds a PsyD in School and Community Psychology from Hofstra University.

Philip Glickman, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

If you're impatient due to an important event, try verbally communicating what you're feeling in a non-hostile way so that your partner can listen and adjust. If you're impatient without a reason, try to me a bit more flexible and to control yourself. Remember to focus on what's best for the relationship.
Question

What triggers impatience?

Philip Glickman, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Philip Glickman is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Director of Wellness Road Psychology with two locations in Dobbs Ferry and the Financial District of New York City. He specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness techniques, treatment of anxiety, and life coaching. Dr. Glickman is a member of the American Psychological Association. He holds a BA in Criminology and Psychology from The University of Maryland College Park and an MA in Forensic Psychology from The City University of New York. Dr. Glickman also holds a PsyD in School and Community Psychology from Hofstra University.

Philip Glickman, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

That depends on each individual situation. It's possible that you're impatient due to something that happened in the past, which kind of trained you to think that you always have to be early for everything, for example. You have to take a look inside to identify your triggers!
Question

What to do when you are waiting for someone?

Philip Glickman, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Philip Glickman is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Director of Wellness Road Psychology with two locations in Dobbs Ferry and the Financial District of New York City. He specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness techniques, treatment of anxiety, and life coaching. Dr. Glickman is a member of the American Psychological Association. He holds a BA in Criminology and Psychology from The University of Maryland College Park and an MA in Forensic Psychology from The City University of New York. Dr. Glickman also holds a PsyD in School and Community Psychology from Hofstra University.

Philip Glickman, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

If you don't have patience to wait for your partner to get ready, try to occupy yourself! Maybe you can read a book or grab something to eat. Remember that it's okay if you're a few minutes behind, especially if the event is something inconsequential.