How to Talk to Your Crush Casually

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

Last Updated: February 2, 2023 References

Having a hallway crush on someone at school can be both exhilarating and scary. Those little flutters you feel when you see your crush can be fun, but they may also make you nervous. To calm your nerves and get to know your crush better, it’s a great idea to start having casual interactions with them. If you begin to talk casually to your crush both in person and on social media, you may be able to take your relationship to the next level.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Having Easy Conversations With Your Crush

1
Say hello and wave when you see them. Raise your hand, smile, and say "hi" when you see them. This simple exchange can allow your crush to start really noticing you. It’s also a great way to open conversations, and your crush may respond to your greeting by asking you a question.^{[1]
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- If they are already having a conversation with someone else, just smile and wave; don't interrupt by saying "hi."
2
Ask your crush how they’re doing to keep it simple. “How are you?” is the most natural question in the world. It’s an expected next step after someone says hello, so your crush won’t be weirded out when you ask them this question. It’s also not a question that you can answer with just a quick yes or no, so it’s perfect for opening up a more in-depth interaction.^{[2]
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- Try saying something like: “Hey Tom, what’s up?"
- You can even follow-up with "Did you have a good weekend?” or "Did you do anything fun over the summer?"
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3
Comment on the weather for a low-pressure topic. Talking about the weather is easy, because everyone experiences it. It’s also not something that people usually disagree on. Most people enjoy sunshine and don’t love it when there are too many cloudy or rainy days in a row. These discussions can help you get comfortable talking to your crush without venturing into emotional or personal territory. Try the following:
- “Do you happen to know if it’s stopped raining? I forgot my umbrella today.”
- “Have you been outside yet today? It’s beautiful!”
- "Man, this weather has been crazy, hasn't it?"
4
Introduce yourself casually if you’ve never officially met your crush. Having a crush on someone who doesn’t know your name is especially scary and maybe even depressing. But just because they don’t know you now doesn’t mean it has to stay that way! If you walk past them in the hallway a few times a day and make eye contact, they’ve already noticed you. Add an introduction the next time you see them.
- Say: “I see you around all the time, but I’ve never actually gotten your name. I’m Sarah.”
- Try not to be creepy. If you do know their name, but haven't been introduced, it might still be a good idea to ask them for it. Otherwise, you might come off as stalkerish.
5
Talk about classes or interests you have in common. You and your crush may be in a class together, or you may work at the same restaurant. You may even share a passion for Star Wars. These are perfect topics to discuss with your crush, as they’ll highlight your similarities and shared experiences. There’s nothing better than having an inside joke with your crush about your slightly odd manager.
- For example, you can talk about a class you both love, or you can complain about a class that both of you absolutely hate!
6
Avoid stressing out if you had an awkward conversation. You may find yourself over-analyzing every interaction you have with your crush. Maybe you’re feeling embarrassed because you stammered through a greeting, or revealed a strange, personal detail about yourself by accident. Take a deep breath. You probably remember the conversation much better than they do.
- Tell yourself that you’ve got another chance to show them who you are tomorrow. There’s no point in dwelling on what happened yesterday or this morning.
7
Stay positive during casual conversations. It’s easy to gossip or complain about something or someone, so this may be what comes out of your mouth when you’re nervous. But try as hard as you can to keep your complaints to a minimum in interactions with your crush. Instead, focus on what you like about the world around you. This will allow you both to enjoy your chats with one another.^{[3]
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- For example, don’t say: “I really hate Mr. Smith’s class. He’s such a pain.” Instead, go with: “Mr. Smith is tough, but his classes are interesting. What do you think about his latest assignment?”
8
Offer a thoughtful compliment to make them smile. Everyone enjoys receiving nice and genuine compliments about themselves. Try to avoid complimenting only your crush’s appearance. Instead, share comments that make your crush aware that you appreciate their personality, talents, and strengths. For example:^{[4]
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- If they gave a presentation that day, tell them how much you enjoyed it. Try: "That was a really good and interesting presentation!"
- Compliment them on one aspect of their personality. Say, “You know, you’re a really good listener!”
- You can compliment parts of their appearance that they have control over, like their shoes or haircut. Try "Wow! Great haircut" or "Those shoes are awesome!"
- Avoid complimenting them on parts of their appearance that they have no control over, such as their eyes or breasts. The latter is especially inappropriate.
9
Prepare questions ahead of time if you get tongue-tied. You might find that you’re too nervous to say anything every time you try to talk to your crush. To avoid this, come up with a list of simple questions that can allow the two of you to begin chatting when you bump into each other. Once you break the ice with the first question, it’ll be much easier to keep the conversation going.^{[5]
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- Keep it simple, like "How was your summer?" or "What's your favorite class?"
- If you are worried about sounding too fake or rehearsed, consider preparing simple topics to talk about, like their hobbies or classes.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Using Body Language While You Talk

1
Listen attentively by tilting your head or nodding. When you like someone, it’s important to show interest in the things that are important to that person. When your crush tells you a story or gives their opinion, use your facial expressions to demonstrate that you’re paying attention.^{[6]
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- Listening attentively will make it easier to remember certain details. You can bring these details up in later conversations.
- Even if you are listening to every word, you have to look like you are listening. If you appear distracted, they may think that you don't care.
2
Maintain eye contact while you talk to your crush. Be sure to stay focused on your crush’s eyes and face whenever the two of you chat. This will let them know you’re engaged in your interactions with them. This could also act as a subtle way to show them that you like them.^{[7]
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- Avoid making your eye contact creepy. Allow yourself to blink, and don’t be so worried about maintaining eye contact that you never look away from your crush’s face.
3
Smile when you chat with with your crush. When you pass them in the hallway or have a casual conversation by your lockers, smile. This will light up your face and show that you’re a positive and confident person. This could also make them enjoy your interactions more and cause them to look forward to seeing you each day.^{[8]
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- Keep your smile natural and genuine. You don't want to smile non-stop like a Barbie doll. This will might make you seem fake, insincere, or creepy.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Using Social Media to Talk to Your Crush

1
Comment on your crush’s photos and posts. Follow your crush on the social media platform they use most often. When your crush posts something new, take the time to check it out. Let them know you’re staying updated on their activities by liking and commenting on posts you especially appreciate. They may reach out and do the same for you.^{[9]
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- Try commenting on a picture of a concert or event they attended by saying, “I love the Chainsmokers! So cool you got to see them live!” This will let your crush know you share their interests.
- If your crush posts a more routine photo that you like for its artsiness, say, “Artsy! I like this shot.”
2
Use Instagram or Snapchat for one- or two-line direct messages. Sometimes, it’s easier to talk to your crush online than in person, so private messages may provide a good way to learn more about your crush. These two popular platforms are designed for sharing photos more than words. Because you need to limit yourself to a few sentences, keep it simple and just remind them you’re thinking of them.^{[10]
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- If your crush posts a picture from their vacation on Instagram, you could say, “Have fun in Paris! Can’t wait to hear about it when you get back!” Consider adding an “I’ll miss you!” or even an emoji.
3
Use Facebook or Twitter for longer DMs about mutual interests. Following someone on Twitter and even Facebook will likely inform you of their likes, dislikes, and interests. If you share a particular view or activity with your crush, use a private message to start a conversation about it. This could allow the two of you to have an in-depth conversation about a common passion.^{[11]
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- Maybe your crush just posted about a lesser-known politician you also happen to like. Try saying: “Wow! I can’t believe you know who Pete Buttigieg is. We should totally talk about him over coffee.”
- Your crush may have just posted that they had a guitar class at the same music school where you go for piano lessons. Message them by saying, “This is crazy, but we both take lessons on Wednesday afternoons! We should carpool. And start a band.”
4
Avoid over-liking or commenting on posts to keep it casual. Don’t like or comment on all of your crush’s posts, and stick to only recent posts. Otherwise, your crush may get a creepy vibe from you. You don’t want your crush to feel like you don’t have your own interests and life outside of reviewing their feeds.^{[12]
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- For example, if your crush made a comment on someone else's post or photo, you don't have to like it or reply to it.
- Allow some time between liking a post or photo. If you "like" a photo immediately after it goes up, every single time, you will come off as stalkerish.
- Vary your comments and reactions. Don't use the same heart, kissy face, or swoon reaction on every single photo that they post.
- Avoid being overly enthusiastic and supportive. While it's great to support your crush, you don't want to come off as obsessive either. This can push them away from you.
5
Post fun things that reflect your personality. Just as you’re likely tempted to obsess over your crush’s posts, you may be worrying about what you should post to make your crush like you. Instead of trying to get in your crush’s head and imagining what they might want to see, post things that make you happy, laugh, or smile. This will allow your crush to use your feed to get to know you better.^{[13]
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- For example, if you have a crush on a goth girl who listens to heavy metal, don't assume that she wants a guy just like her. Be yourself. If you don't like heavy metal, don't post it.
6
Ask a mutual friend to tag you to amplify your online presence. If your crush is closer with one of your friends than with you, ask that friend to use their posts to make your crush notice you. They can tag you in photos, or post when you’re going out together. If your crush sees these posts, they may ask your mutual friend about you.^{[14]
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- You should only do this if they are already tagging your crush in posts.
- If they are not tagging your crush at all to begin with, make sure that they ask your crush first. Not everyone likes to be tagged.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Telling Your Crush You Like Them

1
Ask your crush for their phone number if you don’t already have it. Once you’ve spent some time getting to know your crush either in person or online, see if they’re willing to share their phone number. This will allow you to reach out and chat via text.^{[15]
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- Ask your crush for their number by using a shared class or project as an excuse. Say: “Hey, I could really use your help on the Pre-Calc assignment. Could we exchange numbers?” Once you have each other’s numbers, you can start texting each other just to say hello.
- Be bold and tell them you want their number to talk more. Try: “You know, we’ve been chatting a lot lately. Want to give me your number so we can text, too?”
2
Text your crush to keep talking even when you’re apart. Texting can act as a good way to slowly increase the amount of time the two of you interact. Avoid sending your crush multiple texts before you receive one back, and use emojis sparingly. You can start by reaching out with simple questions, which may then lead to longer, more detailed communications.
- Try starting a conversation by mentioning seeing them earlier during the day, and then asking them how they’ve been since you saw them. For example, “Hey! It was fun hanging out at lunch today. How was your afternoon?”
- Don't over-do it, however. Not everyone likes texting. If your crush sends one-word responses, they might not be into texting.
3
Invite your crush to a group gathering. See if your crush will join you in a group setting. Ask them to come to a study session, go out for drinks with friends, or attend a game with several of your acquaintances. Once you’re at the event, interact with your crush and use the time to flirt a little.^{[16]
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- Group gatherings are a great way to help people relax and open up, but keep in mind that not everyone is extroverted. If your crush doesn't want to go, don't push them.
- Instead of asking them to go out to what you like, consider asking them to go out to what they like. For example, if they like anime, ask them if they want to go to that new anime con.
4
Invite them to go with you to an event you know they’d enjoy. Now that you know your crush a bit better, you’re likely aware of the interests the two of you have in common. These don’t necessarily need to be dates, and you can avoid defining them if you’d like. Instead, take the opportunity to increase your one-on-one time with your crush on activities that show how many interests you share!^{[17]
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- For example, there might be a movie coming out you know your crush is excited about because you talked about last week. Or you might have just found out that you and your crush are both avid rock-climbers. Take advantage of these commonalities!
- This question could look like: “So, I know you’re really excited about the new Wonder Woman movie. I really want to see it too, but my other friends aren’t into superheroes. Would you want to go together?”
- If they ask you if it’s a date, respond depending on whether you’re ready to “officially” ask them out. You could either say, “I don’t really know. How would feel about it being a date?” Or, “No, we’d just go as friends.” Your other option would be to go for it and say, “Yeah, it’s a date.”
5
Tell them you like them. At some point, it will be time to take the plunge and be honest about your feelings. This conversation could be exactly what’s needed for you and your crush to become something more. They may even be too shy to tell you that they have a crush on you!^{[18]
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- If you’ve already asked your crush to hang out with you one-on-one, this confession might be less of a surprise to them.
- You can either confess directly, saying simply, “I really like you as more than a friend. Do you like me in that way too?” Or, you can be more subtle: “We’ve been spending tons of time together, and I feel like we enjoy the same things. We might have a lot of fun if we spent even more time together as something more than friends. What do you think?”
- Be prepared for disappointment, because it’s impossible to predict or control someone else’s feelings. Even though you’ve interpreted your interactions as flirtation, your crush may have thought you were just becoming good friends.
6
Respect their choice if they tell you they don’t like you. You don’t need to stop liking your crush, and, in fact, you likely can’t force yourself to do so. However, if they tell you to back off, you need to understand that they have the right to make that choice. This doesn’t mean the two of you can’t still be friends. Besides, if you stay friends, their feelings for you may change.^{[19]
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- If they wish to remain friends, respect their decision. Treat them as a friend, not as a crush.

Expert Q&A

Question

What should I text to my crush?

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.

Eddy Baller

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Talk about something that's going on around you for an easy conversation starter. For example, you could comment on the music that's playing in the background.
Question

What happens you look at your crush, but he seems to spend more time looking at a different girl instead of me?

Community Answer

Unfortunately, your crush may like that other girl. Try getting to know your crush as friends so that can learn about your personality. This may allow them to like you instead.
Question

What if I'm too nervous or shy to talk to my crush?

Community Answer

It can be scary and difficult to talk to your crush. Try starting with a simple smile and a wave. This will allow your crush to notice you, and it likely won't be too scary -- even if you're shy!

Warnings

The most important part of any interaction or relationship is that both people feel comfortable and safe. Do not harass your crush by insulting or demeaning them.

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Respect your crush’s right to say no.

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