How to Tell Someone to Leave You Alone

If you want to know how to tell someone to leave you alone, then you must be dealing with a lot of pain and frustration. Though it’s never easy or pleasant to tell someone to leave you in peace, whether you’re dealing with a bully, a classmate, or a person who has a crush on you, the sooner you break the news, the sooner you’ll be able to get back to your life. The most important thing is to remain calm and to be as direct as possible; if a conversation doesn’t work, then you may need some additional help from your friends, teachers, or parents.

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Telling Someone to Leave You Alone Nicely

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    Find the right time and place to tell the person. If you want to tell someone who means well to leave you alone, then it’s important to find a nice, quiet place to do it. Whether the person is someone who has a crush on you or just an annoying classmate, if you feel comfortable around the person, then you should try to tell him or her in a quiet place where you can be alone without the threat of someone coming in and asking what’s happening. You should also find a time when the person you want to talk to isn’t distracted, busy, or stressed out, so the conversation goes as well as it can.
    • Though it’s important to find a good place and time if you care about the person you’re talking to, you also shouldn’t wait around forever for the perfect time to come along. It’s important to get the message across so you can both move on with your lives.
    • If you feel more comfortable having a friend there for support, then that’s fine too. Don’t put yourself in an uncomfortable situation if you’d rather not be alone with the person.
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    Explain why you want to be left alone. Once you get the person alone, it’s important to be open and honest about the fact that you want to be left alone. If the person has a crush on you and you don’t return those feelings, then say so. If the person is your neighbor or classmate who always wants to hang out and you’re just not interested, then get the point across.[1] Say it loud and clear so there can be no mistake that you just don’t want to see the person.[2]
    • For example, if the person is a girl who has a crush on you, you can say, “I’m sorry that I don’t return your feelings. I’m flattered, but I’d like to be on my own.”
    • If the person is an annoying person who keeps trying to hang out with you, just say, “I’m sorry, but I’m just not interested in spending time with you. I thought you should know.”
    • If the person has actually done things to annoy you or make your life difficult or if you’ve already given him or her a few chances, then you can say this to get the message across.
    • If you’re nervous about what to say here, then practice in advance.
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    Remain calm. It’s natural to be a little bit, or very, upset when you have this kind of conversation. However, if you want to get the message across, then the best thing you can do is try to remain calm and keep your wits about you. If you feel yourself getting emotional, take a deep breath, and give yourself some time to return to your senses. If you keep your cool, then the person will see that he can’t mess with you and that he should take you seriously.
    • You want to look like you have it together. If need to take deep breaths or even need to excuse yourself for a minute to get the message across, then don’t be afraid to do so.
    • If the other person gets mad and says things to taunt you or make you upset, don’t let it get to you. Don’t stoop to that person’s level and fight back and take the high road instead.
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    Don’t make excuses. Though you may think it’s better to make excuses to soften the blow, if you say things like, “Now is not a good time for me” or “I’m just not ready to date, but I really like you,” then you’ll just be giving the person false hope. Instead of doing this, telling the person that you’re honestly not interested will make it much more likely that the person will get the message and will leave you alone. And what’s more, you won’t be hurting the person’s feelings as much.[3]
    • Of course it’ll be easier to make an excuse in the moment than to be direct. But if you do that, then you won’t be getting the message across and the person will come right back to you.
    • If someone is just plain mean to you, you can say so. Say, “I don’t want to hang out with you anymore because you always end up making fun of me. I really don’t appreciate it and would like to be left alone.”
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    Be honest but not hurtful. If the person is genuinely nice, then you shouldn’t try to hurt his or her feelings more than you need to. It can be tricky to find a balance between getting your point across and being sensitive, but you should work to make it clear you don’t want to spend time with the person without name-calling or being insulting. You want to be better than that. Besides, you want to end the relationship, whatever it may be, not fuel the fire and lead the person to keep bothering you for even longer.[4]
    • If a girl likes you and you don’t return her feelings, you can be honest about the fact that you don’t feel the same way without explaining that she’s just not your type and that you like girls who are taller, or saying that you think she’s annoying.
    • If the person is a younger sibling, while you can’t get him or her to leave you alone forever, you can say something like, “I’d really like some privacy while I hang out with my friends. You’re getting in the way right now.”
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    Let the person talk. If you respect the person and he or she has something to say, then you should give him and her the chance to talk. As long as the person is emotionally stable and just genuinely likes you a lot, he or she may want you to listen for a little while. If you want to be nice, then give the person this allowance, taking the time to really pay attention. Though you shouldn’t make this last more than a few minutes, if you care about the person even a little bit, then can take this time to listen.
    • Don’t interrupt or offer your own opinions. Wait for the person to say what he or she has to say, respond as kindly as you can, and get ready to end the conversation.
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    Make sure the person understands what you’re asking. Before you end the conversation, it’s important to ask the person if he’s clear on the fact that you are to be left alone. You want to make sure that your words had a lasting effect and that your message was received loud and clear. You can even see if the person will repeat that he’ll leave you alone so he sees that you’re serious and that you weren’t just having the conversation for fun.
    • Before you leave the conversation, you should make sure that the person understanding in no uncertain terms that you are to be left alone.
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    Thank the person for talking to you. If the conversation has gone reasonably well, then try to end it on a good note. Thank the person for hearing you out and understanding that you want to be left alone. This conversation was likely pretty difficult for both of you, and you should try to wrap it up positively, given the context. Of course, it can’t be too positive if you’re asking to be left alone, but you can try to be as nice as possible.
    • Though you may not feel like saying thank you, it’s only polite, and it may lead you to have a better understanding with the other person.
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Part 2
Part 2 of 3:

Telling Someone to Leave You Alone Firmly

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    Get backup if you need it. If the person has really been bothering you and you don’t want to be alone with him or her, then you should get a few friends, an older sibling, or even a parent or teacher to go with you when you ask to be left alone. If you’re genuinely afraid for your own well-being, then you should make sure not to be left alone with the person when you have this difficult conversation so you can feel safe and confident.[5]
    • If the person is a bully, then having your friends there with you can make a big impact on your confidence. Though you may try to settle it yourself first, if that hasn't worked, having your friends around can make a difference.
    • Your friends or siblings should be there for support, but you should do as much of the talking as you can, to show that you can stick up for yourself.
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    Tell the person that you want to be left alone immediately.[6] If you really need to be firm, then you shouldn’t make small talk but should come right out and say it. Just say, “Leave me alone” or “Please leave me alone from now on.” Though this won’t be pleasant, the sooner you get the message across, the better. If this is someone whom you really need to be firm with, then you shouldn’t waste time on small talk.[7]
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    Be direct. Make sure you’re saying these words in no uncertain terms. Don’t say “go away,” “not now” or “I’m busy,” but make it clear that you want to be left alone at all times, for good.[10] Though it won’t feel great to say these words, it’ll be far better than being wishy washy and making the person think you’d be up to seeing him or her again. If you’re struggling with being direct, have the friends with you help get the message across.[11]
    • It should take more than a minute to say what you have to say. Just a few clear sentences on wanting to be left alone will do the trick. If the person is a bully or just not worth your time, then there’s no need to explain why you want to be left alone; that should be obvious.
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    Don’t listen to excuses. The person may have some excuses for why he doesn’t want to leave you alone or how he thought he was just helping you out or thought that you really liked him, deep down. If you’re serious about wanting to be left alone, then you should make it clear that you won’t take these excuses and aren’t open to having a debate or a conversation. You’ve made your point and want to move on.
    • If the person is a bully who keeps insulting you, just walk away. There’s no reason to listen to that.
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    Promise that there will be consequences if the person doesn’t listen. If the person really doesn’t seem like s/he is getting it, then you can start bringing on the consequences. Say that you’ll talk to your parents, the person’s parents, your teachers, your school administrators, or even the police if the person really doesn't listen to you. It’s important that the person knows that this can't drag on any longer and that you mean business.[12]
    • The more specific you are, the better. If you can name specific teachers or administrators you will tell, then that will scare the person off much more effectively. If you plan on telling your parents, you can say that you can pick up the phone and call your dad at work, right now. Make the person see that you’ve put a lot of thought into him leaving you alone and he will be scared off.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 3:

What to Do if the Person Won’t Leave You Alone

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    Talk to your parents. If the person really won’t go away, then you should talk to your parents about it. Let them know that you’re feeling threatened, or just really, really annoyed by the person who won’t leave you alone. You may be a little embarrassed telling your parents about it if the person really has a crush on you, but they can help you get rid of the annoying person and deal with the situation. They can make you feel safer and can even take further action to limit your contact with the person.[13]
    • Your parents will know what to do and you’ll be safe in their hands. They’ll appreciate the fact that you went to them with your problem and will feel responsible for you.
    • You shouldn’t look for the perfect time to tell them. Just make sure they’re not busy or about to run off to work and sit them down and have the conversation. And if it really can’t wait, then tell them what’s up.
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    Get help from your friends. Your friends can also be a big help in this situation. Not only can they be around you more when you think the person who won’t leave you alone will be there, but they can also help tell the person to leave you alone and will discourage him or her from following you around.[14]
    • Your true friends will be there for you through thick and thin and will understand that you’re in a tricky situation. They’ll make sure to spend more time with you and will see to it that you’re never alone if you’re feeling unsafe.
    • If your friends are always with you, then the person will lose interest, whether he has a crush on you or wants to taunt you.
    • Your friends can also help you see what the best course of action is. If the person you want to be rid of is a real bully, then they’ll tell you that you need to get more help than they can provide.
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    Avoid gossiping about the person. If you gossip about the person or keep talking about how he won’t leave you alone, then it’ll get back to him. Not only will this make him angry or even more persistent, but he may even have the idea that you really do like him or want him to come around. If you didn’t, then why would you keep talking him? If you really want to make it seem like you want to be left alone, then you should just drop the subject as much as you can.
    • You can confide in your close friends about what’s happening and ask for their advice, but you should avoid telling just about anyone who comes your way about the situation, or the person will hear all about it.
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    Talk to a teacher or school administrator. If the person is really persistent and follows you around or keeps pestering you everywhere you go, then it may be time to get your teachers or your administrators involved. Tell them that the situation has gotten out of control and see what punitive measures they can take to keep you safe from the other person. Having an adult involved can sometimes change the person’s mind and will help him take your threats seriously.[15]
    • Don’t be nervous about it, especially if you’re dealing with a bully. You should talk to these authority figures as soon as possible so measures can be taken.
    • If the person is a bully, then he’ll threaten you and will say that you’ll be in trouble if you tell your teachers or administrators. However, these are empty threats. It’s much better to tell people what’s going on and to stay safe.
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    Change your routine as much as you can to avoid that person. If you’ve tried everything and have even gotten parents and administrators involved, then you can work on changing your routine to avoid the person for a little while. Though you shouldn’t have to change your life too much to suit the other person, if you’re reaching your last resort, then you can work on avoiding places where the person is likely to be. This can mean hanging out in a new part of the park, going to a different movie theatre, or discovering a new restaurant with your friends. As the person loses interest, you can go back to your old life.[16]
    • You don’t have to change absolutely everything you do. But if walking to school a new way leads you to avoid the person who is bothering you, then it may be worth it.
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    Ignore the person and hope he or she gets the message. Though ignoring a person isn’t the most mature way to get him or her to leave you alone, if you’ve tried having a conversation, telling other people, and even avoiding him or her, then this may be something you have to try. If that person walks by and says something mean to you or smiles at you, act like he or she doesn’t exist. If that person somehow makes it into a group conversation you’re having, casually walk away. If you end up in the same coffee shop, get out of there without causing a scene. Though this may not feel great, it can help to get the message across.
    • If the person sees that his words or presence don’t affect you or make you upset and that you couldn’t really care about what he or she says, then he’ll lose interest. And if you leave every time he or she shows up, then that will grow old, too, which is exactly what you want.
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    Stay safe. If you’re dealing with a person who won’t leave you alone and that person is threatening to you, then the most important thing is that you stay safe. The person may be more than annoying and may even be emotionally unstable, and you should make sure that you feel safe and protected at all times. While you shouldn’t stay at home all day for fear of running into the person, you should make sure that you’ve taken measures to protect yourself from this person, even if this means contacting the authorities.
    • It’s not worth it to risk your safety just for your pride. If you genuinely feel like you’re in danger, you should absolutely say something as soon as you can.
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Expert Q&A

  • Question
    What do you do when a guy won't leave you alone?
    Frank Blaney
    Frank Blaney
    Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor
    Frank Blaney is a Certified Qigong and Tai Chi Instructor with over 15 years of teaching experience. Passionate about making Qigong more accessible to people, Frank is the author of "Qigong: The Quick & Easy Start-Up Guide." He also holds a 2nd Degree Black Belt in Jujitsu and trains executives and staff of corporations, NGOs, and communities in self-care, personal performance and conflict resolution. He holds an MA in Negotiation, Conflict Resolution, and Peacebuilding from California State University Dominguez Hills.
    Frank Blaney
    Frank Blaney
    Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor
    Expert Answer
    Since women are perceived as being passive, do your best to maintain firm eye contact. Make sure your tone is very firm and authoritative. Also, use your body language to make it real clear that you are not comfortable with how the conversation is going. By flipping the expectations, you might be able to defuse the situation.
  • Question
    How do you de-escalate an angry person?
    Frank Blaney
    Frank Blaney
    Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor
    Frank Blaney is a Certified Qigong and Tai Chi Instructor with over 15 years of teaching experience. Passionate about making Qigong more accessible to people, Frank is the author of "Qigong: The Quick & Easy Start-Up Guide." He also holds a 2nd Degree Black Belt in Jujitsu and trains executives and staff of corporations, NGOs, and communities in self-care, personal performance and conflict resolution. He holds an MA in Negotiation, Conflict Resolution, and Peacebuilding from California State University Dominguez Hills.
    Frank Blaney
    Frank Blaney
    Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor
    Expert Answer
    If you're looking at a potentially violent conflict, try distracting them by asking something completely unrelated to what they're trying to address. Do not engage in the attempt to accelerate the conflict, as this will throw them off a little bit.
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Warnings

  • Never resort to violence, or threats, you don't want to be a bully yourself.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
  • If someone frightens you in any way, or they want money or threaten you tell a trusted adult.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
  • Messages seem to become clearer when a bully is faced with a group and bullies are afraid of groups.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
  • If someone is bullying you, don't try to face them alone. Make friends with others.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
  • If you're scared, tell an adult. Find someone you trust and tell them what is happening to you. They can help you. It isn't tattling or snitching if you are being frightened or hurt by someone.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
  • Never do something illegal, because it's legal for someone to refuse to leave you alone to stop you from:
    • Committing a violent crime (e.g. in self-defense)
    • Leaving after you clearly did something illegal (e.g. by a citizen's arrest), especially when it's a felony, and
    • Resisting arrest if that person is a police officer who is arresting you, which is illegal, even if you're innocent.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
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References

  1. ↑ https://www.thecut.com/2018/12/how-to-get-your-annoying-co-worker-to-leave-you-alone.html
  2. ↑ Frank Blaney. Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.
  3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201108/dealing-rejection-part-2-saying-no-others
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201108/dealing-rejection-part-2-saying-no-others
  5. ↑ http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/what-to-do-if-you-are-being-bullied
  6. ↑ Frank Blaney. Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.
  7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201702/6-smarter-ways-deal-bully
  8. ↑ Frank Blaney. Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.
  9. ↑ Frank Blaney. Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.
  1. ↑ Frank Blaney. Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201702/6-smarter-ways-deal-bully
  3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201611/8-keys-handling-adult-bullies
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brainstorm/201003/top-strategies-handling-bully
  5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brainstorm/201003/top-strategies-handling-bully
  6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brainstorm/201003/top-strategies-handling-bully
  7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brainstorm/201003/top-strategies-handling-bully

About This Article

Frank Blaney
Co-authored by:
Frank Blaney
Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor
This article was co-authored by Frank Blaney. Frank Blaney is a Certified Qigong and Tai Chi Instructor with over 15 years of teaching experience. Passionate about making Qigong more accessible to people, Frank is the author of "Qigong: The Quick & Easy Start-Up Guide." He also holds a 2nd Degree Black Belt in Jujitsu and trains executives and staff of corporations, NGOs, and communities in self-care, personal performance and conflict resolution. He holds an MA in Negotiation, Conflict Resolution, and Peacebuilding from California State University Dominguez Hills. This article has been viewed 344,419 times.
1 votes - 100%
Co-authors: 47
Updated: November 11, 2021
Views: 344,419
Categories: Dealing with Bullying
Article SummaryX

Telling someone to leave you alone can be nerve-wracking, so ask a friend to come with you for moral support. Then, look the person in the eye to show that you’re not afraid, and simply say, “Please, leave me alone from now on.” You can give them a reason to make it easier if the person isn’t mean to you, such as, “I’d rather be on my own,” or, “I prefer to have a small group of friends and I’ve already got enough.” Keep in mind, however, that you're not obligated to give a reason. If they keep bothering you after you’ve told them once, tell a teacher or your parent so they can help you deal with the person. For more tips, including how to avoid someone who won’t leave you alone, read on!

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