How to Tell a Guy You Love Him

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Last Updated: February 26, 2021 References Approved

No matter how long you've been seeing a guy, taking the next step and telling him that you love him can be a nerve-wracking experience. What's important, however, is saying how you feel simply and directly. You don't need to come up with a grand or fool-proof gesture. Just take a deep breath, gather your courage, and be yourself.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Telling Him The First Time

1
Wait for a time when he feels happy and secure. If your guy is stressed out over work or school, dealing with family issues, or preoccupied with a personal crisis, he probably won't be all that receptive to a big new development in your relationship. There is no "perfect moment," so don't wait for one. A low-key, quiet moment without stress is always a good opportunity. There are, however, bad times to talk about love:
- After sex.
- While intoxicated.
- Over text or the phone.
- During or after a fight or argument.^{[1]
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2
Find a quiet, private location to talk. Is there a special place that brings up strong memories for the both of you? You may want to tell him at the place where you had your first date, or where you went out to dinner for your two-month or six-month anniversary. That said, all that really matters is that you have a place to talk without being interrupted constantly.
- Ask him to go for a walk with you, help with a basic chore, or simply "come over to talk with me for a few minutes."
- You don't have to plan to be at a cheesy "rom-com" setting like an ocean cliff, but it shouldn't be in a dirty alleyway either.
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3
Keep it simple and from the heart. Don't try a big gesture or romantic setting -- this isn't the time and chances are good it will backfire. What matters are you and your feelings. So don't overthink things. Speak from the heart and have an open conversation, not some big production.
- Just start talking honestly about your relationship -- how happy he makes you, good memories you've shared, your own feelings -- to bring up the topic of love organically.^{[2]
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4
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and say "I love you". Eventually, the only thing left to do is just come out and say it. So close your eyes, count to three, and let it out. Say it any way you feel comfortable, since the words themselves are what really matter. Make eye contact, smile bravely, and be the astounding, honest, and loving person you already are. Remember-- simpler is sweeter. If you're shy and unsure what to do, try out these methods:
- "I'm in love with you."
- "Joe, I want you to know that these past eight months have been some of the happiest of my life. I feel like we've connected on a deep level and every day we spend together is better than the last. I love you."
- "I've had something on my chest for a while, and it feels good to let it out. I love you."
- Lean in, and kiss him on the cheek, then whisper in his ear quickly, "I love you."
Tip: Stay calm and confident. While it's normal to be nervous, if you meander by saying things like, "I've got something to tell you but I don't know how," or "I'm not sure if I should tell you this," it makes the discussion more serious. Things should flow smoothly into the topic.
5
Tell him how your feel over distance with a thoughtful letter or phone call. If you can't meet in person, but still need to get your feelings off of your chest, there is nothing decreeing that you can't say "I love you" anyway. The reason face-to-face is nicer is that it is much more personal -- but you can make long-distance conversations personal. Instead of a text message, or signing off with an ambiguous "I love you," take the time to write a letter or email that has the only purpose of expressing your love. It doesn't have to be long, just from the heart.
- Let them know that you'd rather talk to them in person, but couldn't keep your feelings secret any longer.
- Elaborate a bit on a story, event, or emotion that lead you to your feelings of love.
- Let him know that you don't need an immediate response; you just wanted to let him know how you felt.^{[3]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Telling Him Regularly

1
Find time once a day to tell or show him your love. If you make an effort to show you love once a day, whether with a good-night "I love you" or by simply putting his toothpaste on his brush for him, you'll keep the relationship strong for a long time. If you're worried about showing your affection, just think about finding one time a day where you can. Even an extra-long, passionate kiss is a great way to slow down time with your man for a half-second. ^{[4]
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2
Find ways to tell him without saying the words. Some people have a hard time saying the words "I love you." But that doesn't mean that they don't love their partner. If you're someone who struggles a bit with showing affection, try these little techniques to let someone know you care:
- Hold or squeezing hands
- Make plans together for the future, even just future dates
- Introduce your friends and/or family
- Surprise him with kisses, hugs, and affection
- Give compliments, encouragement, and admiration.
- Do little favors for him, especially when he seems upset.
3
Give him space and free time. It sounds paradoxical, but sometimes the best thing you can do is not see him at all. Remember -- you fell in love as separate people with separate lives -- you need to preserve some of this independence to stay happy and in love. Don't feel like you need to talk or check in constantly to show how much you care. Sometimes giving each other some free time is the best way to show you know and love someone. ^{[5]
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4
Talk openly and honestly when you're upset-- even loving couples fight. Do not avoid fights or issues just by saying "I love you," and accepting your concerns. The most in-love couples have arguments too, and you need to air them out openly and honestly to keep your love alive. So don't feel like you're destroying your love, or going back on your word, if you bring up a disagreement or issue -- you're just showing your love in another way.
- Don't ever let a partner get you to do something you don't want to to "prove your love." Love doesn't need to be proven.^{[6]
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5
Tell your partner you love them whenever you feel love, not because you feel obligated. Everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to saying "I love you." There are those that say it after every phone call and those that only save it for special moments, and there is everything in between. So don't worry about how often you should say "I love you," or how often you hear it -- people are different, and show their love in different ways. ^{[7]
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- These words mean much more when you mean them. If you only say "I love you" when you're feeling full of love, you'll both be much happier.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Handling His Response

1
Make it clear that you don't demand to hear it back. You can pause, smile, and start talking about something else, indicate that the moment is over by saying “Just thought you should know." You can even tell him you don't need to hear anything back, letting him know he should take some time to think things over. The less you come across like you're trying to extract a particular response from him the likelier he'll be to give you the one you want – if not immediately, eventually, when he realizes what a lucky guy he is.
- When talking, try to phrase everything personally -- "I realized I love you," "I fell for you, etc.-- instead of using language like "we" and "us."
2
Sit and listen to him after you've said your piece. Because guys aren't always encouraged to communicate their thoughts and feelings, it's extra important to make them feel like they have someone to confide in. Be an active listener by reading between the lines, waiting for him to finish before you respond, and digging in with further questions. Avoid tying whatever he says back to yourself. You've told him you love him, now be patient as he works through his own emotions.
- Some silence, though it may feel awkward, is not a bad thing. He may be a bit shocked and need time to digest the news -- don't feel like one of you must always be talking.
3
Give him time and space to think. Just because you're not demanding a response doesn't mean you aren't pressuring him. If he disappears for a day or two, don't worry too much -- he just needs to process things. Chasing him down or following his every move, waiting to see how he responds, will only drive him farther away.
4
Continue treating him like a friend, no matter what his response, to help the relationship grow. If he is awkward or tells you he has other feelings, be kind and cordial -- you've done your part! But if he smiles or responds that he loves you too, there is no reason to rush down the aisle. Telling someone you love them in just another step in your relationship, not the end of the line. The important thing is treating him like you love him, not just saying the words.
- Keep talking regularly, having open and honest conversations about your relationship.
- Don't feel the need to tell him you love him every day now -- actions speak louder than words.
5
Respect his decision or response without argument. Ultimately, all you can do is express your feelings. You can't control how he is going to respond, nor should you. No matter what he says in return, you should respect his wishes and move on with your life. It takes a lot of bravery and passion to tell someone that you love them -- be proud of yourself for the effort and courage.^{[8]
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Finding the Time and Courage to Talk

1
Ask yourself why you wanted to say "I love you." Love is a beautiful, joyous emotion. But it is also a powerful word, and you shouldn't throw it around with your man unless you're sure you mean it. This doesn't mean you need to write a thesis on your feelings. But you do need to ask yourself what you hope to gain by telling him you love him.
- If he's already said "I love you," and you know you feel the same, feel free to come out and say it.
- If your relationship is strong, and you know him and yourself well, it might be time to say "I love you."
- If you're convinced you're in love, and need to tell him so, then trust your instincts and say it.
- If you want to tell him just to see if he'll say "I love you" back, or because you feel pressured to say it, don't. Love is something you give to others, it doesn't expect or need someone else's response.^{[9]
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- If you're just friends, but want more, you should consider asking him out before saying you love him.^{[10]
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Tip: Imagine that you confessed your love and he told you he didn't love you back. Would you still want to have said it? If you wouldn't, you may not be ready to tell him you love him.
2
Spend time together talking, hanging out, and being romantic. Make sure you can spend quality time together before launching an L-bomb. This will also give you a great chance to gauge his own feelings towards you. More likely than not, if you love him then he will feel some attraction back towards you. Just focus on letting go and having fun -- love is not about forcing your feelings -- so take your time and build a relationship.
- At the end of the day, this is about you confidently telling him how you feel. If you're not sure if he likes you back, that is okay! That's why you want to tell him your own feelings.
- Is he comfortable hanging out with just you? If not, telling him you're "in love" might come off a little too strongly.
3
Talk to trusted mutual friends if you are unsure whether he is a friend or something more. Sometimes you just need some perspective. A big reason many people won't say "I love you" is that they're afraid the partner doesn't feel the same way. At the end of the day, it comes down to speaking your mind and feelings honestly. However, if you're a little worried:
- Ask a mutual, trusted friend if they can see you two dating.
- Talk to one of his friends and see if he is interested in anyone right now. If you're feeling bold, ask if he has any feelings for you.^{[11]
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4
Make sure he knows that you like him before you tell him you love him. Even best friends can be taken aback by the powerful words "I love you." You might have thought about this love for months, but for him this is big, sudden news. Imagine yourself in a similar situation -- you have a friend you like who suddenly tells you they are in love. You'd be at a loss for words, to say the least. So don't jump right to love -- take your time exploring your feelings together. Test the water a few weeks in advance with:
- "I just wanted to tell you that I really like you."
- "I love spending time with you. This has been a great few months."
- "Let's go on a few dates, just you and me for a change."
5
Let your love wash over you for a few days before making a move. Love: the most blissfully confusing human emotion around. If you feel overwhelmed with affection, feel your stomach flip every time you see him, and want to blurt out "I love you!" at every turn, chances are good you're head over heels in love. But, as strong as the feeling is, avoid the temptation to immediately tell anyone. Instead, sit back and enjoy the rush of love for a few days. Show yourself that this isn't just a crush, this is the real thing. If you still feel like you love him, then get ready to make your move.
- If you don't still feel attached to him after the a few days, then you had a crush, not love. Love stays around for a long while.
6
Considering letting him say it first. It is scientifically proven then men say "I love you" first more often than women.^{[12]
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Research source} To make matters worse, many dating books are hard-set on the woman always saying "I love you" second. The reasons are fuzzy ("evolutionary advantage for men who create commitment early on") or made up ("women who say it first seem overly needy"), but there is something to be said for tradition. Like it or not, some men are weirded out when a woman says "I love you" first. This shouldn't keep you from expressing your feelings, but it is worth considering. ^{[13]
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Conversation and Texting Help and Signs He Loves You

Telling a Guy You Love Him for the First Time

Texting a Guy to Tell Him You Love Him

Signs He Loves You Back

Expert Q&A
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Question

Can I tell him I love him first?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

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You can, so long as you express your love without expectation. Focus on telling the person honestly how you feel, and not on their response. Remember that love develops at a different pace and intensity for different people, and different people have different personal tendencies to reveal their feelings.
Question

How do you let a man know you love him?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

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Remember that love is subjective. Different people define love in different ways. There is no precise formula for when or how to say “I love you.” Revealing your love to your partner makes you vulnerable, but vulnerability is necessary for a healthy relationship. Focus on timing. Deep and true love needs some time to develop. It isn't reasonable to say "I love you" after a first date. However, if you're feeling deeply in love after only dating a short time, then be honest with your partner. Add that you know it might be premature to say it, and that you don't expect them to reciprocate these feelings already, but that you want to be honest with how you're feeling.
Question

Is it right to tell a guy you love him?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

If you love him, then you can tell him. But, you don't have to tell someone you love them just because they declared their love for you. If you're not sure how you feel, be honest and sincere. Say, “Right now I'm not sure how I'm feeling, but I like you a lot, and I want to get to know you better.” Or say, “It's too soon for me to say I love you, but I want to stick with this relationship and see where it goes.” Just because one of you develops feelings more slowly doesn't mean that the relationship is off track.

Warnings

Do not speak poorly of a guy who doesn't reciprocate the same feelings of love as you. It makes you look jealous and petty.

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Brace yourself for the possibility that he doesn't love you back – but remember, it's not the end of the world. Saying "I love you" is a very serious thing for most men because it implies commitment.

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