How to Think of a Comeback Quickly

Last Updated: December 31, 2022 References

Wit seems so effortless that many people assume it comes naturally. Not true. Many historically great wits--from George Bernard Shaw and Winston Churchill to Jay-Z--had to learn their art.^{[1]
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Research source} Witty retorts, however, might not always be the best response to an insult. To think of a comeback quickly, you'll need to cultivate your wit by studying good examples and practice, practice, practice.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Cultivating Your Wit

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Read and watch. Many great wits have excelled by adapting lines from predecessors. Read the works of great humorists and watch stand up comedy. Listen for good quotes that you can memorize for later use.^{[2]
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- Read the works of Dorothy Parker, Ogden Nash, and Tom Stoppard. Listen carefully to the comedy of Louis C.K. and Wanda Sykes or the lyrics of Jay Z.^{[3]
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Write down lines--until you don’t need to. Jay Z used to carry around a notebook, writing down lines as he composed them. Eventually he was able to commit these lines to memory. He developed this practice until he no longer needed a notebook; he was able to instantly memorize all of his lines. Follow the same practice if you want to be an encyclopedic wit.^{[4]
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Practice. To get your lines down, keep yourself cool, and learn how to execute you will need to practice. That means talking to people. The more you engage in conversation, the better you will get at it.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Thinking on Your Feet

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Stay cool. Being quick and natural is essential and for that you need to be relaxed. Don’t self-monitor your comments; speak off the cuff without overthinking. To suppress feelings of anxiety try not to be too invested in what happens. The world doesn’t hinge on this conversation; pretend it doesn’t matter and just be yourself.
- A bit of alcohol can be good for your wit, making your conversation more natural and effortless. Too much, however, will compromise your ability to think clearly.^{[5]
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Think outside the box. Humor is the shock that we feel when we hear a novel interpretation of the world. To be funny you should be unpredictable and surprising.
- For an example of this type of comedy, review New Yorker cartoons. One of the most famous is that of a businessman on the phone with the caption, “No, Thursday’s out. How about never—is never good for you?” The joke hinges on taking a convention, a busy businessman rescheduling a meeting he doesn’t want, and then taking it in a direction no one would see coming.^{[6]
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- To make unexpected allusions or comparisons in conversation, it is important to have a broad understanding of the world. Keep up to date with current events.
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Listen. When you start thinking about what you need to do when you get home, the likelihood that you’ll be able to bust out a great line declines exponentially. Many types of jokes require that you get out of your own head and pay close attention to the conversation. To be interesting, you first need to be interested.
- You should pay close attention so that you can listen for words that have multiple meanings. Puns are one of the easiest ways to make witty banter.
- Listening is also essential for the “call back,” which is when you apply a point made earlier in the conversation to a new topic in a way that is ludicrous.^{[7]
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  Research source} If you pay attention to stand-up routines, you’ll notice that most reference earlier jokes in ways that make them progressively more absurd. One example is the constant use of "That's what she said."
- Similarly, if you have some good lines in the back of your head, you need to make sure that you are using them at the right time. Busting out an off topic quote will just be weird; missing a good chance to use a quote will be an unfortunate lost opportunity.^{[8]
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Keep it short. “Brevity,” they say, “is the soul of wit.” Explaining a joke kills the humor. The point of good humor is to shock and for that you should pull off the band-Aid as quickly as possible.^{[9]
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Be nice. Too frequently we choose to be mean in ways that aren’t particularly witty or original, just because that is the closest thing we can get to humor. Depending upon the audience, that might be off-putting. Instead of making other people the butt of your joke, try directing them against society, yourself, or another person’s strengths.^{[10]
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- Self-deprecating humor tends to be inclusive and bring people in. Laughing at yourself makes people who would otherwise be intimidated by you feel comfortable.^{[11]
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  Research source} Studies have even shown that self-deprecating humor is sexually attractive.^{[12]
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  Research source} For example, Stephen King once quipped, "I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries."^{[13]
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  Research source} This comparison suggests that King's writing isn't very high-quality, but it is very popular, allowing King to poke fun at himself while acknowledging his position.
- Make fun of a person’s strength in a way that is ironic. When your joke implies that a bodybuilder is out of shape, it is fairly likely that no offense will be taken. It might even be interpreted as a compliment, because he understands that you mean the opposite of what you are saying. The same strategy can be used when making self-depreciating jokes to highlight your own strengths.
- Make fun of society or the state of the world. Few people can take offense at these jokes. These, however, require that you do some homework. Also consider whether your audience will get the joke.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Responding to an Insult

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Don't get angry. Anger proves that the person has gotten to you. It means that you take the other person seriously and perhaps that you believe there is truth to the insult. Getting emotional will also make it harder to think clearly and respond.^{[14]
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- Insults are often a way to establish social hierarchy. Taking offense will give the other person an edge over you in inter-group dynamics.^{[15]
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Consider accepting the insult. If you laugh and make a self-deprecating joke, you demonstrate that the other person's insult did not affect you. This can disarm your assailant and prove that you don't consider them a credible threat to your social status.
- If the person in question is someone you respect and the comment has an element of truth to it, consider whether the "insult" might have been constructive criticism. If so, try to follow the advice.
- This is generally preferable to returning the insult. Returning the insult means that you consider it a credible threat to your social status. It validates the insult and, unless you can execute a comeback very effectively, you will come out on bottom.^{[16]
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- It was often alleged, for example, that Ronald Reagan was too old to serve as President. Instead of going on the counterattack, he diffused the situation with self-deprecating humor: "Thomas Jefferson once said, 'One should not worry about chronological age compared to the ability to perform the task.' . . . Ever since he told me that I stopped worrying about my age."^{[17]
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Play the dozens. "The dozens" is a traditional African-American game in which two people trade witty retorts. Familiarize yourself with some effectively lines, so that you can return an insult quickly and naturally. Practice your delivery to get your timing down. This response is best reserved for friends who won't take offense.
- To be effective the insult should sound creative. But the standard format of "Your mom is so ____" or "You are so ____" is a good go to.
- Examples include: "Your mom is so generous she would give you the hair off her back" or "Your mom is so old she was the waitress at the last supper."^{[18]
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Community Q&A

Question

Would it be okay to insult someone if they did it to me first?

Community Answer

It's really up to you, but the most mature thing to do is just walk away. Besides, that way you're showing them that they're not even worth the time it would take for you to insult them.
Question

How do you start a roast battle with someone to practice with?

BOT Windbound

Community Answer

Don't practice "roast battles". Instead, think up of roasts yourself and imagine how the other would react. Trying "roast battles" with friends would not be a good idea.