How to Work Up the Courage to Talk to a Girl

Last Updated: September 12, 2022 References

It can be intimidating to approach a girl you are interested in. Getting the courage to talk to girls is going to take practice. If you build your confidence and go into the conversation with the right mindset, you will be able to easily talk to the girl you like.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Building Confidence

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Look good on the outside. Take a shower, brush your teeth, and put on clothes that you feel comfortable and confident in. Looking good on the outside is going to make you feel good on the inside. This will help you feel more comfortable approaching a girl. If you are wearing yesterday’s shirt and have not showered, you probably are not going to feel like you can talk to a girl.^{[1]
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Think good thoughts. Say positive things to yourself about how great you are and how you can talk to girls. Don’t let yourself think thoughts about not being worthy of the girl or not being able to approach her.^{[2]
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- Try listening to hypnosis tapes to build confidence.
- Say positive affirmations to yourself, “I am smart, good looking, funny, and confident. I can talk to girls.”^{[3]
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Have good body language. Stand up straight, put your shoulders back, and smile. Even if you feel slouched over and scared on the inside. If you stand tall and smile, you will trick yourself into thinking you are more confident and you will look more attractive.^{[4]
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Practice greeting girls. Simply saying hello to a girl who passes by can help you build confidence on your ability to talk to girls. It might be difficult to have the confidence to approach a girl, but just like anything practice can help you get better. You don’t have to approach the girl you think is the most beautiful or perfect.^{[5]
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- Say something simple and nice like, “Hello! I like your dress.”

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Changing Your Mindset

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Place value on the girl’s inner qualities. It might be her appearance that catches your eye, but don’t place too much value on her looks. Try not to think about her looks when you approach her. Act like you would if you were approaching anyone. You don’t want to assume you like a girl before you ever talk to her. Just because she is pretty, does not mean you will like her personality.^{[6]
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Don’t worry if you are not experienced. You should not feel uncomfortable about never having had a girlfriend before or for not having experience with girls. Don’t let your lack of experience hold you back. She probably does not care if you have not dated anyone. You can’t become more experienced if you are too busy being worried about not being experienced.^{[7]
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Don’t become fixated on one girl. There might be one girl you like in particular or one girl you think is very attractive, but don’t become intent on being with her. There are plenty of attractive girls that you have potential to click with. If you get focused on one girl, you are putting too much pressure on yourself for how your conversations with her are supposed to go.^{[8]
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Don’t have expectations. Don’t have any agenda when you talk to a girl to have her be your future girlfriend. If you start seeing too far down the road before things even get started, you are going to get in your own head. Approach a girl expecting nothing out of it. Just hope for a good conversation. Once you have a good conversation expect nothing out of that except maybe more good conversations. Once you get to know her you can start to think about something happening between you and her.^{[9]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Approaching a Girl

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Go into the conversation being okay with rejection. The worst thing that could happen is that the girl does not want to talk to you. If that happens, move on. There are plenty of other girls. If a girl rejects you, don’t start plotting ways to make her like you.^{[10]
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Research source} A girl will usually be nice, or at least not rude to you, if you are polite to her.
- Remember rejection does not reflect your worth, that person may not like you because they are not a good match for you or for them. So thank God they rejected you and didn't waste your time.
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Greet her. Simply just say “hey” or “hello” to get her attention. It is only weird if you feel weird about it. Try to relax and be confident about greeting her. If you really do feel uncomfortable and can’t work through it, you can point out that you feel awkward about the whole thing. You can approach her and say “Hey, I feel weird doing this, but you’re pretty and I wanted to talk to you. Can I sit next to you?”^{[11]
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- Recruit your friend to help you to make approaching a new girl easier. ^{[12]
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Talk to her. Ask her questions about herself and be a good listener. Pay attention to what she is saying and make eye contact with her. Let your natural sense of humor shine through and joke around with her. Flirt with her and do your best to relax.