How to Break Up with Your Therapist

Last Updated: September 22, 2022 References

Seeing the right therapist is key to meeting your treatment goals. Sometimes that means you need to change therapists to find a better fit, and that’s okay! And sometimes, your current therapist is right for you and that’s why you’re ready to move forward without them. We’ll point out signs that you should break it off with your therapist and give you tips for ending things smoothly and productively.

Section 1 of 2:

Signs It’s Time to Break Up With Your Therapist

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You’re not making progress. If you feel that your time in therapy has not helped you to grow or meet particular goals, be honest about that with your therapist. If you continue to feel the same after this discussion, you may need to move on from this provider.^{[1]
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- If your therapist responds well to this feedback and your experience improves, that’s great! By resolving an interpersonal issue, working to improve your patient-therapist relationship can actually lead to better therapy results than patient-therapist relationships that have no issues.^{[2]
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Your therapist can’t meet your treatment needs. Not all therapists can specialize in every aspect of mental health. You need a therapist that has the training and experience to address the specific issues you want treated.^{[3]
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- They should also be able to understand the role of your identity and experiences in therapy and work with you accordingly.^{[4]
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  National Alliance on Mental Illness
  Grassroots mental health-focused organization providing resources, support, and education for those affected by mental illness
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- If your therapist does not specialize in treatment you need or competently address your identity and experiences, then you may do better with someone who does.
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You don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable with your therapist. In order to have a successful therapeutic experience, you need to be open with your therapist—sometimes about intimate and uncomfortable-to-share feelings. If you continue to feel uncomfortable doing this as you get to know your therapist, you should consider finding someone new.^{[5]
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- This can also manifest as saying everything's going well when in fact you need more help, but can't be open with your therapist.
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You can’t schedule appointments regularly. Consistency is an important part of productive therapy. If it is difficult to schedule appointments with your therapist, consider finding a therapist with more availability.^{[6]
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They behave inappropriately. If your therapist is engaging in unprofessional or unethical behavior, stop seeing them and find a new therapist.^{[7]
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You’ve met your therapy goals. Sometimes the problem with therapy is no problem at all! If you feel that you have nothing more to address with your therapist, you may want to conclude sessions with them.^{[8]
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Section 2 of 2:

How to Break Up With Your Therapist

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Protect yourself from harmful or disrespectful therapists. If your therapist behaves inappropriately toward you, end therapy in whatever way makes you feel most comfortable and safe.^{[9]
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- For a therapist that abuses their role to harm or mistreat you, ghosting is perfectly fine.^{[10]
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- Reach out to the therapist’s licensing board to report inappropriate behavior.^{[11]
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Seek closure from a positive relationship. When you decide to stop seeing a therapist who has respected and helped you—even if they are not the right fit—speaking honestly with them about your desire to move on shows respect for them and helps you to find closure from the relationship.^{[12]
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Tell your therapist you want to move on at the beginning of the session. By saying you want to stop at the start of the session, rather than the end, you give you and your therapist time to discuss the decision and address steps to move forward.^{[13]
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- Start by showing appreciation for their time and effort, then clearly express that you are going to stop seeing them. For example: “I appreciate you working with me, but I want to stop our sessions together.”
- While it may feel intimidating, a good therapist will be open and receptive to the concerns you express. If they respond negatively, it backs up your judgment to end the relationship.^{[14]
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Give a brief and clear explanation. You are making a decision for your mental health and growth, so there’s no need to apologize. Focus on your feelings and needs with a simple statement.^{[15]
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Research source}Here are some simple “I” statements you can use or adapt to begin a conversation with your therapist:
- “When you ask me to talk about a traumatic experience, I feel like I can’t be open. I need to meet with a therapist that I connect with more.”
- “I would like to see a therapist that focuses on___.”^{[16]
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- “I want to try a different approach to therapy.”
- “My progress has slowed down, I think I need a change.”
- “I don’t think I need to come to therapy anymore.”
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Elaborate as much as you want, or don’t. If your therapist responds respectfully, you can choose to share more if you want to. Your feedback about what did and didn’t work can help them to best serve other patients in the future.^{[17]
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- If they respond defensively, you don’t need to debate your decision with them. Their reaction shows that you’ve made the right choice.^{[18]
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Ask for a referral. To continue treatment, your current therapist can be a useful resource for finding a new therapist. Knowing their limitations is an important part of a therapist’s job, so your therapist should be willing to refer you to another therapist that better fits your needs.^{[19]
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- Ask: “Could you refer me to a therapist that specializes in treating ___?” or “I think I would do better with a therapist that shares my cultural background or sexual orientation. Is there anyone you can refer me to?”
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Consider additional sessions as a termination phase. If you have had a positive and successful relationship with your therapist and feel ready to end therapy, your therapist may suggest that you not stop right away but instead plan a termination phase, where you can reflect on your time in therapy and make plans for the future.^{[20]
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American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
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- The length of a termination phase will vary based on how long you’ve been seeing your therapist, and it may include increasing the time between sessions before stopping altogether.
- Therapists are encouraged to plan a termination phase, and ideally, they will have brought it up when you started seeing them. If you trust your therapist and are able to schedule more sessions, a termination phase is normal and can be helpful to get the most out of the experience.
- If your therapist insists that you continue seeing them or tries convincing you to change your mind, like by offering an incentive to stay, firmly repeat that you are done and maintain that boundary if they persist.^{[21]
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Find a new therapist. Whether or not your current therapist gives you a referral, if you need to continue treatment, find a new therapist that fits your goals, preferences, and needs. Use your past therapy experiences to consider what you want from therapy and from a therapist.^{[22]
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- Don’t be afraid to schedule introductory meetings with multiple therapists to decide who will be best for you. Let them know you are exploring your options and be open about your goals and concerns.
- There are many resources available to help narrow your search, like if you are looking for an LGBTQIA-friendly therapist or struggling to afford therapy.

Warnings

If they take personal offense at your wish to end therapy, or threaten to have you involuntarily hospitalised, this is a sign you should end therapy with them immediately! Seek support from your primary care practitioner and your next of kin, and consider reporting the therapist to their licensing board.

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