How to Date a Co Worker

Last Updated: October 31, 2022

Dating can be hard, but it can be all the more difficult if you are interested in a coworker. Having to worry about company policy, your peers and your supervisor can really put a damper on a romantic connection. However, if you are interested in one of your coworkers, you can date them by first initiating a romance, maintaining professional boundaries, and working to develop your relationship.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Asking Them Out

1
Know the company policy. Before you ask out your coworker, you should first be aware of the company policy. Many companies have a strict no-fraternizing policy, banning romantic relationships within the company. Others are much more lenient, requiring only that you inform your supervisor.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- If you love your job and want to keep it, and your company forbids relationships between coworkers, consider dating someone from outside of your job.
2
Have a conversation in private. If you want to ask your coworker out, be sure to do so out of earshot of others. Pull them aside or ask them to go for a walk or to lunch with you. Ask them if they would consider going on a date with you. Reassure them that they have time to consider it given the trickiness that a relationship could bring.
- You might say something like “Sally, I know that we work together, but I really like you. I’m hoping you’ll go out with me this weekend if you’re free. I know this could potentially put us in an awkward situation, so I understand if your answer is no.”
Advertisement
3
Spend some time together. If they say yes, then spend some time alone with them outside of the office. Try to go to places that you know your coworkers or boss aren’t likely to go so that no one finds out before you are ready.
4
Take it slow. If you break up with a coworker, know that you can’t avoid them like you might be able to do with other exes. Dating this person will mean that they are a part of both your professional and personal life. Avoid spending everyday together in the early stages until you know that this is a person you want to pursue wholeheartedly.^{[2]
X
Research source}
5
Date your peers. If you are a supervisor, know that you are held to a higher standard and could potentially get into trouble if you date your subordinates. If you have the ability to fire or promote someone, then you should not date them. Date only those who you do not supervise at your job.^{[3]
X
Research source}
6
Date those who are available. If you know that the person you are interested in has a spouse or significant other, do not pursue them. If they have also dated others in the office in the past, it is probably best not to date them, as this could create some jealousy. Find out this information by asking your coworkers covertly, checking their social media accounts, or noticing wedding rings or pictures of spouses on their desk.
- You can ask your coworkers questions like “So I know Marsha and Ashley and Jim and Marissa started dating while working here. Do you know of anyone else who dates or has dated here in the office?”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Maintaining Professionalism

1
Prioritize work while you are on the job. If you begin to date, know that you have to keep work first no matter what. Regardless of if you’ve had an argument the night before, keep that out of the workplace. Keep a schedule and a to do list and continue to complete all assignments well and on time.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Keep your conversations at work completely business related.
2
Stay quiet in the early stages. If you have only been on a date or two with this person, there is little need to inform your coworkers or your boss about it. But if you have began to see them more regularly, then you should tell your supervisor before someone else does.^{[5]
X
Research source}
3
Keep the door open. The person you are dating might be someone who you have to work with very closely. When in meetings with them, keep the door or blinds open. You do not want others to assume that you are being inappropriate in your office.^{[6]
X
Research source}
4
Limit your meetings at work. Avoid spending unnecessary time alone together while at work. Go to lunch together occasionally, but not everyday. Continue to maintain your friendships with your other coworkers.^{[7]
X
Research source}
5
Keep your hands to yourself while at work. Though you may want to hug or kiss your partner at work, know that doing so could do some damage to your professional reputation. It is okay for others to know that you are dating, but keep things at the workplace strictly professional.^{[8]
X
Research source}
6
Maintain boundaries with coworkers. Don’t discuss squabbles, sex, or any other major details about your relationship with your coworkers. You do not want others knowing too much about your romantic relationship and you don’t want them knowing things about your partner that they wouldn’t want you to tell.^{[9]
X
Research source}
7
Advance your career without their help. Don’t ask them to put a good word in with your supervisor. Instead, rely on your merit and work hard to achieve what you want. You will feel better about yourself and your partner will be proud of you.
8
Avoid sending romantic messages through your work email. If you want to send your partner cute messages throughout the day, do so through your cell phone. Any correspondence sent through email may be monitored and could be potentially be used in a sexual harassment lawsuit should your relationship go sour. Use only your personal devices for personal messages.^{[10]
X
Research source}
9
Avoid dating another coworker if you breakup. If you break up, do not date another coworker, especially if your ex is still working with you. You will likely get a bad reputation for only dating coworkers and will continue to make your work life even more messy.^{[11]
X
Research source}

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Maintaining Your Relationship

1
Consider the worst case scenario. What happens if you break up? If you have divulged private information to them, particularly that is work related, consider how this might be used against you in the future. Though your partner may be loving and amazing, know that breakups can bring out the worst in people and could potentially threaten your job.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- Don’t tell them anything that could damage your career.
2
Don’t talk about work on dates. When you two are together away from work, as much as possible, avoid talk about business. Work to keep your professional and romantic lives as separate as possible. This will prevent your life from being solely about work and will help you have a better time with your partner.^{[13]
X
Research source}
3
Maintain your own friendships and hobbies. Since your professional and romantic life is now so heavily intertwined, it will be important to maintain those friendships and hobbies that are completely separate from both. Keep up with your friends and spend time with them regularly. Enjoy your own hobbies apart from the relationship.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- Continue to read, dance, ride horses or do whatever else you enjoy, as well.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you tell your coworker you like him?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Once again, make sure that you check your company's policy about dating between employees. You can subtly feel them out on having coffee or lunch. You may not even be aware if they are single, in a committed relationship, or even married.
Question

How do you ask a coworker out on a date?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

If your company has no rules about dating, you might initially just have coffee or lunch together. It is important to see if you would like the person in a different setting. All work-based relationships do not lend themselves to either friendships or dating relationships.
Question

Is it against the law to date a coworker?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

It has less to do with the law, and more with the policy of the company you both work for. However, if you are in a supervisor/subordinate relationship, yes you could be actually breaking the law.