How to Dump a Guy Who's Playing You and Regain Control of Your Love Life

Co-authored by Cher Gopman and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: August 25, 2021 References

Figuring out that the guy you’re dating is playing you can be tough. Whether you realized he’s seeing someone on the side or you’ve come to terms with the fact that he just won’t commit, it’s probably time to send him on his way. Keep reading to learn how you can dump a player and move onto bigger and better things.

1

Be direct.

It’s the easiest way to let him know you don’t want to see him anymore. You can explain why, or you can just break it off without saying too much. If he gets the hint, he won’t hit you up anymore.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Say something like, “I don’t think we should keep seeing each other” or, “I don’t want to be with you anymore.”
- If you can tell the relationship isn't going anywhere, it's better to break it off sooner, rather than later.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}

2

Call him out.

Try this if you want to make him feel bad for playing you. He might try to deny it, but don’t let him fool you. Once he knows that you know, he’ll get the message that you don’t want to see him anymore.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- You could say, “I know you’ve been playing me” or, “I know you’re seeing other people behind my back.”

3

Ignore him.

If breaking up is too hard, go for this option. If he texts you, don’t respond. If you see him on a night out, don’t say hi. It’s a passive form of breaking up, but he’ll get the message pretty quickly.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Keep in mind that this method might leave him feeling confused, so he might ask you for an explanation. It’s up to you whether or not you give him one.

4

Set boundaries with him.

Tell him why you two can’t see each other anymore. If he can’t give you that, then it’s probably best to break it off. Let him know that you need him to stop playing games and commit or else you’re through. You might say something like:^{[5]
X
Research source}
- “I want to be exclusive, and you’re not ready for that. I don’t think we can be in a relationship anymore.”

5

Use “I” statements.

It will keep him off the defensive for a more productive conversation. If you want to call him out or confront him without getting heated, use “I” statements as you explain what he did wrong. He’ll probably be more open to hearing you out if you go about it this way.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- For instance, instead of saying, “You won’t commit to me,” try, “When you tell me you can’t commit to me, I feel like I’m not good enough for you.”

6

Stay confident.

Players often use guilt-tripping to keep you around. As you two talk, try to remember that you’re in the right here and you’re doing what’s best for you and you alone. Don’t let him impact your self-esteem, and remember that you’ll find someone else soon.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- Keep all the bad things about your relationship in the forefront of your mind. That way, if he gets upset or whines about how the relationship is over, you won’t feel bad for him.

7

Keep your cool.

Guys who play mind games love to get you riled up. He might say some hurtful or mean things just to get a rise out of you. If you can, try to stay calm and don’t show him that you’re upset so he doesn’t get the satisfaction.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- If you feel yourself starting to get worked up, take a few deep breaths and count to 10 in your head.

8

Pretend like you don’t care about him.

He might try to get a rise out of you. If he shows up to a bar with another girl, smile and introduce yourself to her. If he makes a move on one of your friends, warn your friend about him but don’t confront him. The more he thinks you don’t care about him, the worse he’ll feel.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- Players are used to people fawning all over them, so ignoring him is one of the most hurtful things you can do.

9

Stop responding to his messages.

He’s probably going to text you to hang out again. If you’ve already dumped him, don’t let him back into your life. Leave his messages on read, delete his voice mails, and keep living your life.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- If you are tempted to respond, try to wait at least 24 hours. That way, he knows you aren’t just sitting by your phone waiting on him.

10

Make yourself busy.

Let him see that you aren't bothered by the breakup. Hang out with your friends, go out to clubs, and post tons of pics on social media for him to see. The more he understands that you’re unbothered by the situation, the worse he’ll feel.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- Have your friends post pics and tag you in them so it doesn’t seem as intentional.

11

Get back out there.

If you’re ready to date, try meeting new people again. It doesn’t have to be anything serious—after all, you might still be recovering from your breakup. However, the best way to get over someone is to find someone new, so take a chance and meet up with a new guy for coffee or a drink.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- Dating apps are a great place to find potential dates.