How to Flirt Without Being Annoying

Co-authored by Eddy Baller and Janice Tieperman

Last Updated: May 19, 2022 References

The world of flirting can be tricky to navigate sometimes. You want the person to know that you're into them, but flirting the wrong way could come off as annoying, cringey, or just plain creepy. Not to worry–you’ve come to the right place. In this article, we'll share a ton of great tips to help you get your flirt on without being awkward or annoying.

1

Ask genuine questions about their interests.

Asking someone a series of yes-or-no questions can be pretty annoying. Instead, they give the other person a chance to talk and share their opinion and prevent the conversation from turning into a pop quiz.^{[1]
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Research source} Make sure to really listen to what they have to say. No one likes a person who’s only halfway invested in a conversation!^{[2]
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Research source} Here are a few Qs you can toss around next time:
- “What’s your favorite place to visit in town?”
- “What’s your favorite thing to do in your spare time?”
- Always try to keep your questions open-ended; in other words, ask questions that the other person can’t answer in a single word.^{[3]
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2

Stay on topic.

Jumping from topic to topic can make your conversation awkward. Commit to a topic when you first start talking–maybe you’re chatting about your plans for the weekend, or your favorite 90s TV shows. Whatever the case, stay on topic until you find a good opportunity to transition to something else.^{[4]
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- For instance, you wouldn’t want to randomly talk about your favorite video game immediately after chatting about your plans for the weekend. You could, however, segue into a discussion about your favorite video game if you plan on playing games over the weekend.
- This applies to texting, too! Staying on topic is important for all conversations–even digital ones.

3

Keep your body language open and relaxed.

The key to good flirting often comes down to how you present yourself. Stand or sit with your shoulders back and your arms at your sides (or, at least, not across your chest). Do your best to look friendly and open, and offer a genuine smile when you're flirting.^{[5]
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- Try to avoid fidgeting and make eye contact when you're chatting with them. Averting your eyes can come off as a bit shifty and weird.^{[6]
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- Take a moment to slowly breathe in and out if you’re feeling a little on edge.^{[7]
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4

Keep the tone light and PG.

Sexual comments tend to make most people uncomfortable. Flirting should be all about complimenting and uplifting the other person, not making them feel objectified.^{[8]
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Research source} Think each comment through before saying it aloud, so you can be totally sure that it falls into the “playful” category. Here are a couple of safe things you could say:
- At a bar/restaurant: “I love martinis, mac ‘n cheese, and meeting beautiful women.”
- At a club/dance:“I’d show you some of my dance moves, but I don’t think you’d be able to handle it.”
- Keeping things light helps make the conversation more fun, relaxed, and easier to navigate. The other person probably won’t stick around if you’re acting super serious and stoic.

5

Respect the other person’s space.

An unsolicited touch can be pretty creepy, and won’t win you any points. Yes, flirting can involve a playful, friendly touch–but you need to build rapport with the person first. Instead, pretend like there’s an 18 in (46 cm) bubble surrounding the other person that you can’t go through when you’re meeting for the first time.^{[9]
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- If you’d really like to give physical flirting a try, take baby steps first. For example, if you were at a restaurant, you might scooch closer to the other person to let someone pass through behind you. If the other party likes the close contact, they might move a little closer after you’ve stepped back to your original position.

6

Ditch the pick-up lines.

Let’s face it–pick-up lines don’t really “pick up” anyone. One-liners actually tend to come off as cheesy, cringey, and contrived, which is definitely not the first impression you’re going for! Instead, let your personality shine through during the conversation; at the end of the day, you want them to like you for you, not your one-liners.^{[10]
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7

Give them your number instead of asking for theirs.

This puts the ball in their court without putting them on the spot. Some people are wary of giving their number to someone they don’t know. Instead, open up a new avenue of conversation by offering your phone number, instead. Worst case scenario, they never end up texting or calling. Best case scenario, they shoot you a text and keep the conversation going later on.^{[11]
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Research source} You might say:
- “I had a great time chatting with you tonight! Here’s my number if you want to meet up later.”
- If the other person shoots you a text, you can confidently know that they’re interested in chatting with you and that you aren’t annoying them. After all, they started the conversation!

8

Watch for cues that they aren’t interested.

You don’t want to flirt with someone who isn’t feeling it. Pay close attention to the other person’s responses and reactions. Do they seem actively interested in what you have to say, or are they keeping their responses short and brisk? Are they making eye contact with you, or completely focused on someone else? If the other person isn’t invested in the conversation, then there’s no reason for you to be, either.^{[12]
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- Sometimes, people’s reactions and responses aren’t always cut-and-dry. If you aren’t totally sure what vibes the other person is giving off, play it safe and back away.

9

Steer clear of 1-word texts.

Would you be excited to see a “hi,” “hey,” or “you up” text? These messages just aren’t interesting; plus, they’re really difficult and annoying to reply to. You’re much better off going the extra mile and putting some effort into your message.^{[13]
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- Instead of saying, “You up,” say something like, “Friendly advice: don’t drink coffee at 10 PM. I’m not gonna get any sleep. Anyway, how are you doing tonight?”
- Instead of saying “hey,” say something like “Hey Kayla! Sorry you aren’t feeling well.😔 Wanna play a round of online mini golf tonight?”
- Don’t send out super long texts to your crush, either! No one wants to scroll through a novel’s worth of text.

10

Limit your emojis.

Excess emojis can add an obnoxious, over-the-top flair to your texts. Sprinkle a couple into your messages, if you’d like–there’s nothing wrong with the occasional cry-laugh or heart-eyes emoji! Just don’t send lots of emojis in a row, or else you might give off a bad impression.^{[14]
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Research source} Here are a few tasteful examples of emojis added into texts:
- “Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear that 😔”
- “You’re looking 🔥”
- “That looks delicious 😍”

11

Wait for a reply before texting them again.

It also helps to give the person a little space between your texts. It might come off a bit annoying and desperate if you’re always replying within 2 seconds of the other person. Instead, wait a few minutes (or even a few hours!) before typing out that message and hitting send. That way, you have more time to mull over what you want to say.^{[15]
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- It’s not the end of the world if you send a double text, but it definitely shouldn’t be the gold standard for your conversations.^{[16]
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12

Trust yourself instead of asking if you’re annoying.

Asking if you’re annoying comes across as… well, annoying. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes for a moment. How would you feel if someone asked, out of the blue, if they were annoying? Even if the other person wasn’t bothering you, their question would probably make you feel awkward and uncomfortable, right?^{[17]
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- If you’re really feeling anxious, try repeating some mental affirmations to yourself, like “I am fun to talk to and my time is just as valuable as the other person’s.”

Community Q&A

Question

It's awkward when I talk to him. What can I do?

Community Answer

Try to start am easy conversation. Pick a topic you enjoy, such as a sport or activity you're involved in.