How to Get Alone Time

Last Updated: July 5, 2022 References

Alone time is that elusive time in which you get to hang out with only yourself and relax or reflect. For busy people, people living or working in crowded situations, and for those who have dependent or even clingy friends and family, alone time can be hard to get. However, it's vital for nourishing the soul. By creating space in your daily routine for alone time and enlisting the help of your friends and family, you can grab some alone time for yourself.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Setting the Stage

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Be aware of why it is important to have alone time. You are constantly surrounded and bombarded by social influences, such as at work, during your daily errands, and by family when you are at home. Even when you do find some ‘down time’, you may be engaged in some type of social media (i.e., Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Blogging, etc.). While the influence of your environment is not necessarily a bad thing, it can lead to lower states of self-awareness and sometimes a loss of true self-identity. Solitude is seen by many as a bad thing. However, having alone time is imperative for your mind-body-soul to rejuvenate.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Jennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment Coach
Expert Interview. 2 September 2020.} It allows for time to reflect on life, on yourself, and the how you may fit into the bigger scheme of things. Here are a few other reasons why you should accept and embrace your alone time:
- It enhances our inner awareness and creativity. When you allow yourself quiet alone time, you reactivate certain areas of the brain that enhance creativity. You can delve deeper into your thoughts, contemplate and develop new ideas.
- Having quiet time gives your brain a reboot. With so much information coming in, you sometimes do not give yourself enough down time to fully process the information you have received. To function at your optimum level, your brain needs to have time to rest. This is the same for your body as well.
- Alone time allows you the opportunity to have inner self-reflection. A time to get to know who you are, and to be comfortable with that. What you like or dislike without being influenced by the external activity of life and people. Alone time may even give you the opportunity to reflect on varying issues or concerns in your life to help you solve problems.
- Being consistent with having alone time frequently will enable you to feel more confident and less dependent on others. You may increase your comfortableness in your own skin, making it easier for you to meet new people and develop long-lasting and healthy relationships.
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Find a suitable space to be alone. Decide on suitable ways to keep your sacred time alone, such as locking the doors, barring access, going somewhere that others can't find you, or leaving your usual spot and going where people don't know you.^{[2]
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Research source} Discuss your preference to be alone in a given spaces as well. For example, you might tell your family members something like, “On Wednesday and Thursdays from 6:30-7:15 I will be putting up this 'do not disturb' sign on my bedroom door. That means that any questions or emergency things will have to wait until 7:15.”
- You can also leave your home to find someplace to be alone, such as a garden, park, local library, small café, or art gallery.
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Explain your needs to others.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Jennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment Coach
Expert Interview. 2 September 2020.} If you have trouble getting alone time for yourself, be direct about your needs. Let people know that having alone time is something you need to do for your health, or that you simply have no energy for social outings at the moment.^{[4]
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- Be sure to be direct and honest about your need for alone time. For example, you might say something like, “For my own well-being, I need to have at least a few hours to myself every night. Please don’t disturb me when I am in my room.”
- If someone invites you to do something with them, then you might say, “Thanks for the invitation, but I am not up to it right now.”
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Overcome the guilt. Give yourself permission to take a little bit of time for yourself and not feel overwhelmed by guilt. Many people feel constantly pulled in so many directions that they need some time to themselves to regroup, but it is common to feel guilty because you think you’re abandoning your family or being selfish.^{[5]
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- The people in your life will also benefit from your alone time. You will be happier and more enjoyable to be around. So don’t feel too guilty about it.^{[6]
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  Expert Source
  
  Jennifer Butler, MSW
  Love & Empowerment Coach
  Expert Interview. 2 September 2020.}
- To overcome the guilt, try remembering how much more energized you feel after you’ve had some time to yourself. This is something you need that makes your life better.
- Or you can try thinking about all the things that you DO accomplish each day. Make a list if it helps you visualize all you do. This should help you feel less guilty about taking a few moments for yourself.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Establishing Boundaries

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Make it clear that you are having alone time. Keep people out from a house quiet spot by making it evident that you need to be alone, and left undisturbed. Try making your bedroom a sanctuary instead of a family room. That way, your family will know that they should be considerate of your time when you are in that room.^{[7]
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- You could put a sign on the door saying "Do Not Disturb" or "Gran's Quiet Time" or "Studying, Don't Interrupt."
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Tell people how important alone time is to you. It will help others if you explain why "alone time" is important to you, so that people don't feel disrespected and can, in turn, respect your needs. Ask politely for your siblings, parents, spouse, and children to stay out for a set amount of time. They may be curious and want to spend time with you, not understanding how important it is to have time to yourself. But discussing the importance of alone time with them will help them realize why it matters to you.^{[8]
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- Try saying something like, “You know I love you, but sometimes I just need a little time to myself so that I can clear my head.”
- Or, “When I have a little bit of alone time, it helps me get things done faster so we can enjoy our time together more.”
- It's a good idea to remind others that "alone time" is good for them too, and that you'll respect their alone time when asked.
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Communicate your needs in a positive light. People will be much more responsive to your request for alone time if you bring it up to them in a positive manner. Don’t bring up all the reasons you want to be alone – too many responsibilities, feeling overwhelmed or suffocated, or being depressed about life at the moment. Instead, talk about how having alone time will make you feel more energized and allow you to be more present when you are with the people that you love.^{[9]
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- Instead of saying, “I feel suffocated in my life with you,” try saying something like, “A little alone time will help me decompress so that I can be more productive and enjoy our time together more.”

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Making Room in Your Life for Alone Time

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Build alone time into your daily routine.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Jennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment Coach
Expert Interview. 2 September 2020.} Start going for a walk every morning or use that exercise bike in the basement. Create a routine that is just for you – then everyone in your life will come to expect this alone time ritual and it will become less and less difficult to get this time for yourself each day.^{[11]
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- When you make alone time part of your daily ritual – especially if it’s something exercise or health-related – people in your life will be less likely to put up a fuss about it.
- Identify and choose what activity you want to do by yourself for your alone time. It could be journaling/writing, meditating, exercising, drawing/painting, reading a book, taking a quiet walk in nature, or going to a movie. Ensure that whatever activity you choose, it will be something you like and find enjoyable. It could be an activity you have done in the past that sparked a light in your own physical, mental, or emotional being.
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Shift your chores around to gain maximum alone time for the things that matter. Find out when you are least likely to be disturbed and use that time to schedule the chores, intellectual work, or anything else that requires time alone. This might be early in the morning, in the lull before the kids get home, later at night, or when the kids are napping. It might vary depending on weekdays or the weekend. Pinpoint these times and make the most of them as "alone time" to get these specific things done without being disturbed.^{[12]
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- You can also be more productive when you’re alone, so it’s good for everyone if you get a little alone time.
- If you take your alone time when fewer people are demanding your attention, you’ll probably feel less guilty about taking the time for yourself.
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Delegate tasks. If you are having trouble finding any alone time for yourself, it may mean that you are taking on too much in your daily life. Talk to your family and friends (particularly those who live with you) about how you are feeling overwhelmed and ask them to take on some of the burden, even if only for a little while.^{[13]
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- Delegating these tasks should free up some time for you and it can be beneficial for your children or other household members to relate a little more to just how much you do every day.
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Enjoy your private time. So often, we get bogged down by the busyness of our lives. So take the time to enjoy your alone time because it is a precious commodity. It is your time to relax and rejuvenate your mind so that you can face another busy day.^{[14]
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- Try doing some self-care activities during your alone time – like getting a massage, practicing your yoga, or getting a haircut. These things can help you feel more relaxed and replenished in your daily life.
- Most importantly, turn off your phone while you are engaging in your alone time activity. Avoid the distractions of social media, phone calls, and text messages.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I stop feeling guilty when I need time alone?

Jennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment Coach
Jennifer Butler is a Love & Transformation Coach and the Owner of JennJoyCoaching, a life coaching business based in Miami, Florida, although Jennifer works with clients all over the world. Jennifer’s work centers around empowering women who are navigating any stage of the divorce or breakup process. She has over four years of life coaching experience. She is also the co-host of the Deep Chats Podcast along with Leah Morris and the host of season 2 “Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle” by Worthy. Her work has been featured in ESME, DivorceForce, and Divorced Girl Smiling. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from New York University. She is also a Certified Health Coach, a Communications & Life Mastery Specialist, and a Certified Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “the One” coach.

Jennifer Butler, MSW

Love & Empowerment Coach

Expert Answer

Remember that you don't have to be available for everyone at all times and that people aren't going to fall apart without you there. When you have some alone time to recharge, you'll be happier and a better person to be around.