How to Get My Girlfriend to Stop Smoking

Co-authored by Tracy Carver, PhD and Caroline Heiderscheit

Last Updated: October 17, 2022 References

It’s natural to want someone you care a lot about to quit smoking, especially when they’re your girlfriend. You may be worried about your girlfriend's health, her finances, or her overall happiness. Cutting out smoking could be a huge weight off of her shoulders, and yours too. She needs to decide to quit herself (after all, you can't do it for her!), but there are a lot of ways you can help make it easier for her. Check out the tips below to learn how you can help your girlfriend stop smoking for good.

1

Initiate a conversation with your girlfried.

Open up a discussion when she gives signs that she's considering quitting, then open up a discussion. When you're speaking with your girlfriend, pay close attention. If she asks for your advice or opinion on her smoking habit, use this as an opportunity to open conversation. Offer non-judgmental, open-ended questions to help her think through the issue. But remember, all you can do is help her reflect; you can't convince her to want to quit. ^{[1]
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- She may open up a discussion by asking for your opinion: "I spend so much money a month on cigarettes. I wonder if I should find a way to cut back. What do you think?”
- When she does, you can help her to reflect: "Yeah, I mean, it would save you a ton of money to quit. Do you think it would make you happier if you quit smoking?"
- You may have to wait until she is ready to quit smoking.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Tracy Carver, PhD
  Licensed Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 7 January 2021.}
- No pills or set of facts are going to convince her to stop smoking until she is ready for it.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Tracy Carver, PhD
  Licensed Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 7 January 2021.}
- Counseling can help her to overcome her resistance to quitting.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Tracy Carver, PhD
  Licensed Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 7 January 2021.}

2

Talk through how you feel.

Understanding how her smoking affects you could inspire your girlfriend to quit. Gently let her know how her addiction affects you. The choice to quit will need to be hers, but that doesn't mean you can't express how much you'd love to see her quit smoking. Remind her that your motivations come from a place of love but be careful not to use guilt as a means of convincing her. Ask questions to help talk through her potential decision to quit.^{[5]
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- "You're really important to me and so is your health."
- "I want to see you getting to be as happy as you possibly can be, and I don't think that'll happen as long as you're smoking."
- Just because a conversation happens, don't assume she'll quit right away. Stay positive, be patient, and don't give up on your girlfriend!

3

Listen to her.

Your girlfriend will be more likely to succeed if she feels understood. If she feels like she can vent about her struggle without being judged, it’ll help her chances of successfully quitting. Not only will it bring the two of you closer together in your relationship, but it’ll also mean less chance of a relapse. Ask her open-ended questions to help her talk through her feelings.^{[6]
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- "What would you say are the biggest struggles you’re facing right now?"
- "What about quitting excites you most?"
- "Is there anything that scares you about quitting? Can I help you talk through those worries?"

4

Mark her "quit day" in your calendar.

Choosing a specific day to start raises her chances of successfully quitting. Support her as she selects a quit day that feels right to her. If she asks for help, suggest that she choose a date that allows you two enough time to pull together resources that can help her to quit. On the other hand, this date shouldn't be so far in the future that your girlfriend could lose motivation. Once she's come to a decision, put her choice in writing somewhere—on a calendar, the fridge, etc.^{[7]
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Trustworthy Source
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services
Go to source}

5

Assemble resources to empower her during her journey.

Having the right tools at a weak moment can keep her from slipping up. Prior to her quit day's arrival, help her to create a list of her deepest motivations for quitting. Then, store this away for a day in the future when she may need extra help. Next, help her brainstorm a list of triggers, meaning foods, smells, or activities that make her crave a cigarette. Study the list together so you two will know what to avoid.^{[8]
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Trustworthy Source
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services
Go to source}
- Pull together a list of facts sheets, like those found on the CDC website: https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/campaign/tips/quit-smoking/index.html.
- Write down a list of quit-lines, like those found here: https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/campaign/tips/quit-smoking/quitline/index.html.
- Compare apps that can help her quit, like quitSTART (https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/campaign/tips/quit-smoking/quitstart-app/) or QuitGuide (https://smokefree.gov/tools-tips/apps/quitguide).

6

Find her a support group.

Support groups can offer catharsis, which makes it easier for her to quit. A support group means connection, understanding, extra accountability, and more community for your girlfriend while she tries to stop smoking. Overall, it can help her feel more hopeful and uplifted. This should have a positive effect on her quit attempt's success and her mental health throughout the process.^{[9]
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- Check for support groups in your area.
- Or, if you’re looking for a more flexible option, support groups are now offered online as well.

7

Provide her with the tools to succeed.

Buy products that can make her mouth feel occupied, which makes it easier to quit. When she decides to quit, she may choose to start with a nicotine replacement option. She’ll likely talk to her doctor about the best option for her, and when she’s made a decision, you can be the loved one who keeps her house completely stocked with her pick. Some things you could stock her house with include:^{[10]
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- Nicotine gum, patches, or spray.
- Straws or gum to chew on.
- Cut up veggies for her to crunch.
- Popcorn to snack on throughout the day.

8

Help reduce her stress.

Your girlfriend will be less likely to slip up if she feels relaxed and positive. For many people, negative feelings, like stress and anger, may be triggers for nicotine cravings. So, if there’s any way that you can help her ease tension in her life, that’s going to reduce the chance that she's tempted to relapse.^{[11]
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- Encourage her to make healthy choices for herself, like eating and sleeping well.
- Help her stick to an active lifestyle. Join her for long walks, bike rides, or swims.

9

Stick to positive comments.

Scolding your girlfriend will make it harder for her to quit. Even though negative comments would likely come from a place of love and concern for your girlfriend's long-term health, it's still best to avoid them. Nagging can be detrimental to your girlfriend’s attempt to quit, and it can even hurt your relationship.^{[12]
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- Don't say, "Don’t drink that coffee, you know it brings on cravings.” Instead, try, “Hey, it’s your call. But would you want to get a cup of tea instead? I could pick some up from that place you love.”
- Don't say, "You can’t slip up again. Imagine going through this another time." Instead, try, “You’ve made it two weeks and three days! Wow, that’s amazing. I’m so excited to watch you finally kick smoking for good. I’ll be here for you the whole time."

10

Encourage her.

Moral support can lend quitters strength when they're feeling weak. It can feel so difficult to stay positive when facing withdrawals, cravings, and a long road ahead, so encouragement from loved ones will be huge. It’s best to offer this support on your girlfriend’s terms and without overwhelming her. So, let her know you’re there if she needs a smiling face and ask her to tell you if your encouragement becomes too much.^{[13]
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- "You’re doing great. I’m so proud of you!”
- "This must be so hard, and I want you to know that I’m right here with you. You got this!”

11

Distract her from her cravings.

By helping her take her mind off of smoking, you'll be providing her some relief. It’s not uncommon for those who quit smoking to deal with mental health issues throughout the process. If you can keep her mind off of smoking while also adding positive moments to her week, you’ll be doing her a huge service. ^{[14]
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- Take her to a yoga class. Or, find one online and join her for practice in the living room!
- Turn on music she loves and dance it out in the kitchen.
- Or, offer to join her in something she's passionate about. If your girlfriend is a skateboarding extraordinaire, take her to the skate park for a few hours!

12

Help her cope with withdrawal symptoms.

Show understanding to your girlfriend and she's more likely to be successful quitting. She may experience anxiety, depression, irritability, restlessness, trouble concentrating, and trouble sleeping. To help her quit, the best thing you can do is stay positive and take any changes in her behavior in stride. You could even find ways to help her fight her withdrawal symptoms, like:^{[15]
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- Offering to join her on a quick run around the park if she's feeling jumpy and restless.
- Offering to skip that last, mid-afternoon cup of coffee with her. Caffeine’s effects last longer in someone who’s just quit smoking.
- Gently reminding her that this is totally natural for a body getting used to being without nicotine.

13

Congratulate her constantly.

Your girlfriend’s quitting journey is worth daily celebration. What she’s accomplishing is extremely tough. If you can make her feel supported, understood, and appreciated for her efforts, she’ll have that much more motivation to run on.^{[16]
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- Find reasons to make seemingly small milestones a big deal.
- Buy her a special treat to celebrate each day, week, and month without a cigarette.

14

Be supportive if she falters.

If she relapses, your encouragement could get her back on the right path. If your girlfriend falls back into her old smoking habits, stay positive about her previous attempt to quit and avoid blame, tough love, and guilt trips. Remind her of how long she went without a cigarette and congratulate her for her efforts. You can also explain that relapses are completely normal. Every attempt just teaches her more about how she'll finally quit for good!^{[17]
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- "That was a great try. Next time, you'll be even more prepared to take on the challenge."
- "I want you to know that I'm so proud of you for that attempt. If you decide to go for it again, I'll be right here to support you."

15

Be prepared for a long road.

The struggle to quit smoking can last months. You should get comfortable with the fact that your girlfriend’s timeline might be long and come with ups and downs. Relapses and slips are common for people trying to quit, so that’s another reality you should be prepared to face.^{[18]
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- If you yourself are having a hard time supporting her while maintaining your mental health, reach out to your own support system.
- Make sure you still make enough time for yourself each week. Prioritize doing things you love, getting good rest, exercising, and eating well.

16

Talk through your own experience.

If you've quit smoking already, that could serve as an inspiration for her. Your girlfriend will need to think about her motivations for quitting before she starts the process. By outlining yours for her, you might help her shed some light on her own. There are so many reasons someone might become set on quitting, like:^{[19]
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Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- Financial gains.
- Long term health benefits.
- No longer exposing loved ones to second-hand smoke.
- Cosmetic benefits.

Expert Q&A

Question

How long do I have to wait if I want my girlfriend to quit smoking?

Tracy Carver, PhD
Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Tracy Carver is an award-winning Licensed Psychologist based in Austin, Texas. Dr. Carver specializes in counseling for issues related to self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and psychedelic integration. She holds a BS in Psychology from Virginia Commonwealth University, an MA in Educational Psychology, and a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from The University of Texas at Austin. Dr. Carver also completed an internship in Clinical Psychology through Harvard University Medical School. She was voted one of the Best Mental Health Professionals in Austin for four years in a row by Austin Fit Magazine. Dr. Carver has been featured in Austin Monthly, Austin Woman Magazine, Life in Travis Heights, and KVUE (the Austin affiliate for ABC News).

Tracy Carver, PhD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

Wait until your girlfriend is ready to quit smoking before trying any smoking cessation programs or tactics. No pill or set of facts can make her give up smoking until she is willing to do it.
Question

What can I do to help her overcome her resistance to quitting smoking?

Tracy Carver, PhD
Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Tracy Carver is an award-winning Licensed Psychologist based in Austin, Texas. Dr. Carver specializes in counseling for issues related to self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and psychedelic integration. She holds a BS in Psychology from Virginia Commonwealth University, an MA in Educational Psychology, and a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from The University of Texas at Austin. Dr. Carver also completed an internship in Clinical Psychology through Harvard University Medical School. She was voted one of the Best Mental Health Professionals in Austin for four years in a row by Austin Fit Magazine. Dr. Carver has been featured in Austin Monthly, Austin Woman Magazine, Life in Travis Heights, and KVUE (the Austin affiliate for ABC News).

Tracy Carver, PhD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

Counseling can help uncover those underlying reasons or underlying barriers due to which she is not ready to quit smoking.