How to Get Rid of Boy Troubles

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta

Last Updated: July 10, 2020

Boy troubles can hit at any age and in any situation—and they always feel confusing and hard to handle. Whether you’re getting a guy to leave you alone, getting over a guy who doesn’t like you, or handling a new crush, staying strong, confident, and honest with him and yourself is the best way to work through your boy troubles and get to a better place in your love life.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Discouraging a Guy Who’s Bothering You

1
Focus your attention elsewhere to show him you’re not interested. A guy who’s trying to pursue you probably isn’t bothering you intentionally—it’s more likely that he’s just attracted to you, or wants to get to know you better. If you can tell his intentions are good but you’re just not interested, try to lead him away in a gentle, polite way by focusing your attention on your friends or someone else.
- For example, if he’s hanging around a group of people with you, talk to your friends and engage him as little as you can. Try turning halfway away from him, which gives him a subtle hint that you’re not interested.
2
Give him short, polite answers if he talks to you. If the guy tries to start a conversation with you, don’t be mean or rude to him. Instead, simply give the shortest answers you can to show him that you’re not interested in the conversation. Avoid smiling too much or asking him lots of questions in return, which might make him think you want to keep talking.
- For example, if he says something like, “How was your weekend?”, simply say, “It was pretty good.” If he asks any follow-up questions, answer them as quickly and politely as you can.
- This might feel cold, but showing him that you’re not interested upfront is kinder than leading him on and letting him down later.
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3
Tell him firmly but politely that you aren’t interested if he keeps bothering you. It might feel daunting to tell a guy flat-out that you’re not interested, but it’s better than leading him on or continuing to put up with him. Don’t leave him any hope that you might have feelings for him later. Even if it might feel like a way to let him down easy, the false hope will make it harder on him and you in the long run.^{[1]
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- Say something like, “I’m not interested in you that way,” or, “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I don’t like you the same way.”
- Sometimes a guy hasn’t made it clear that he likes you, but you still want him to leave you alone. In this case, start brushing him off when he tries to talk to you by saying something like, “Nice to talk to you, but I’ve actually gotta go.”
4
Turn your back and close off your body when he’s around. Giving a guy bad body language can give him the message that you’re not interested, especially when he hasn’t picked up verbal clues. When he’s around, turn your back slightly towards him and cross your arms. Make as little eye contact as you can and don’t smile.^{[2]
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- This might feel harsh, especially if you think he’s a good guy but you just don’t return his feelings. Remember that you’re also doing this so you don’t lead him on, which is painful but best for both of you.
5
Put your social media on private if he’s still pursuing you. If he continues to bother and even harass you, it’s time to block him on social media, or put your settings on private. If he’s been texting or calling you, block his number. You want to cut off any way he has of getting in touch with you or having access to your life.^{[3]
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- If you want, this can be a temporary solution. You can turn your social media back to public once he starts to leave you alone.
6
Avoid him if possible. Don’t give him the opportunity to keep bothering you. It might not seem fair that you have to change your schedule to get around him, but it may be the best way to get your point across and get away from him.
- For example, you and your friends could stop sitting with him at lunch or hanging out with him after school. If you have to sit next to him during class, ask your teacher to switch seats.
- If you can’t get away from him, be as coldly polite to him as you can. Answer his questions with short, disinterested answers and keep your body turned away when he tries to talk to you. Make excuses to leave as soon as you can.
7
Threaten consequences if he keeps harassing you. If he’s still not getting the message, it’s time to take more serious steps. Confront him and tell him that he needs to back off. Tell him that if he doesn’t, you’ll have to take more drastic measures, such as talking to the police or, if you’re underage, your parents or a teacher.^{[4]
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- Say something like, “You’re seriously making me feel uncomfortable. I want you to leave me alone. If you don’t, I’m gonna have to talk to someone about this.”
8
Avoid using a made-up excuse. It might feel tempting to make up an excuse to get him to leave you alone, but a persistent guy will just take your excuse as a challenge. Be firm and honest with him instead, which might feel less kind, but is the only way to show him you’re not interested and won’t be in the future, either.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.}
- If you think you can get him to back off by telling him you have a boyfriend, for example, he might simply decide to wait until you “break up,” or even work even harder to convince you that he’s better.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Getting Over a Boy Who Doesn’t Like You Back

1
Accept that he doesn’t have feelings for you. It’s time to show yourself some tough love. It doesn’t feel good when someone likes you back, but the only thing you can do at this point is accept it. Keeping up hope that he might like you at some point will just hurt you more, and the best thing you can do right now is acknowledge that he just doesn’t feel the same way.^{[6]
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- Don’t try to convince him to be with you. You shouldn’t have to prove to him how great you are—the right guy will see that for himself.
- Try saying to yourself, “He doesn’t like me and that sucks, but there’s nothing I can do about that. This hurts, but now I can move on.”
2
Allow yourself to feel disappointed or upset. Feeling hurt, rejected, embarrassed, or angry is never fun, but shutting down those emotions will just make them hurt even more when they finally come to the surface. Allow yourself to grieve by talking to trusted friends, writing about how you feel, or even crying if you need to.^{[7]
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- Don’t shame yourself for feeling the way you feel. Show yourself compassion and let yourself go through these emotions, as painful as they are, so you can start to heal.
3
Avoid seeing and talking to him as much as you can. If you still have feelings for a guy, you still might want to see him as much as possible, even if you know he doesn’t feel the same way. Putting yourself in contact with him, though, will only continue to give you false hope, or make you feel even more upset if he’s cold to you. Avoid hanging out with him as much as you can to help yourself start to get over him.^{[8]
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- Avoid sitting next to him in school, and ask your teacher to change your seat if necessary.
- If you can’t avoid him, keep as much emotional distance as you can. Don’t start conversations, and if he asks you anything, give short, polite answers.
4
Remember what you don’t like about him. No matter how much you liked this guy, he wasn’t perfect. Think about things you didn’t like about him and reasons why he’s not the guy for you. You don’t need to force yourself to hate him, simply let yourself look at him in a more objective light. It’s easy to get obsessed with someone if you think they’re perfect, so it’s time to remind yourself that he’s human too.^{[9]
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- For example, maybe he dominates conversations, doesn’t have a great sense of humor, or simply doesn’t have the same interests as you. Think about reasons why he wouldn’t fit you well and focus on those.
5
Show yourself love and compassion. Getting rejected, or simply realizing that a guy doesn’t like you back, can make you feel a lot of pain and self-doubt. Once you start breaking up your feelings about him, it’s time to heal by getting back to yourself. Throw yourself the things you love to do or try a new activity or hobby. Remember that you’re worthy of love; you were fine before him, and you’ll be fine now, too.^{[10]
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- Try exercising, which produces endorphins that can lift you out of a funk.
- Push yourself out of your comfort zone by trying a new activity, like art or a sport.
- Rearrange your home or do a thorough clean to give yourself something productive to do.
6
Start thinking about moving on, when you’re ready. Imagine yourself with someone new, feeling happy and excited in a new relationship. Open yourself to the possibility of someone new. They might not come along right away, but mentally moving on is an important first step to finding someone who really wants to be with you.^{[11]
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- Try signing up for a dating app or website, or simply talking to your friends and family to see if they know anyone they could set you up with.
- Look around at school, at work, or even while you’re just walking around. There are a lot more guys out there who can help you feel happy and loved, but it has to start with you loving yourself.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Interacting with a Guy You Like

1
Get into casual, conversation-ready situations with him. If you don’t hang out much with the guy you like, try to put yourself into relaxed situations together. Don’t make this too obvious; pretend to “accidentally” cross paths once or twice a week at first to start to build a friendly relationship.
- If you see him get up to buy lunch, get in line behind him. Say something like, “What are you getting? None of this looks good to me!”
- If he starts walking to class or to a meeting at work, fall into step with him. Look down at phone or a notebook, then glance up at him and say something like, “Oh, hey! You have history next too, right?”
2
Start relaxed conversations when you start to hang out more. Once you’ve broken the ice and feel more comfortable talking to him, start fun, relaxed conversations whenever you’re together. Ask him about his weekend plans, what he’s having for lunch, the shirt he’s wearing—anything! Smile and show that you enjoy talking to him.^{[12]
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- For example, you could say something like, “I saw you have a Star Wars sticker on your notebook, did you see the newest movie? I thought it was awesome.”
3
Talk to him about his passions and your own. Getting him to talk about something he’s interested in will make him associate those positive feelings with you. Showing him something you love, on the other hand, will show him that you’re interesting and passionate about your life.^{[13]
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- For example, you could say, “The basketball team’s doing well this year, right? What’s your guys’ secret?”
- Ask him thought-provoking questions and try to listen as much as you speak. Listening is an important skill and it will help you understand him better and forge a deeper connection.^{[14]
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  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.}
- You could bring up your own interests naturally, saying something like, “I had the best weekend ever! I went and volunteered at the animal shelter, have you ever been there?”
- If you have an interest in common, bring it up! Say something like, “Did you see they opened up a new Chinese restaurant downtown? Have you tried it yet? I feel like you’re the only person I know who loves food as much as I do!”
4
Keep your body language calm and confident when you’re around him. Stand up straight and look him in the eyes. Turn your body towards him and keep an open posture, avoiding crossing your arms. Smile and tilt your head down a little while still maintaining eye contact to look cute and playful.^{[15]
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- If you’re talking to him, your voice might get higher-pitched or faster as you get nervous or excited. Try to keep it a natural, lower tone to show him that you’re calm and collected.
- Try to touch him casually while you talk. You could put your hand on his arm if he makes you laugh, for example, or touch his shirt and say something like, “I just want to see if this is as soft as it looks.”
5
Compliment him, but not on his looks. Praising his looks feels shallow and non-personal. If you want to compliment him, try to pick up what’s important to him and show him that you notice and appreciate it.^{[16]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.}
- For example, you could say something like^{[17]
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  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.}:
- “I love that you’re so driven in your career."
- You make me laugh."
- You have such a cool style."
- You could also make your compliments playful or teasing. Say something like, “I heard you got the highest score on the biology test, so you probably think you’re super smart now, huh?”
6
Give him fun challenges to make him impress you. Suggest that he try something daring, like eating a spicy food or watching a scary YouTube video. For many guys, fun challenges are an irresistible way to prove to you that they’re up to your standards.^{[18]
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- For example, you could say something like, “I can’t find anyone to do the big rides with me at the amusement park. You’ll probably chicken out too…”
- Bring something spicy for lunch and say, “I bet you can’t make it through this whole jalapeno without starting to cry.”
7
Start looking for signs that he likes you.^{[19]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.} The hardest part of going after a guy can be seeing if he likes you, too! Most of the signs won’t be very obvious, especially if he’s more shy, so watch closely—but not too obviously—for clues like:
- He has positive body language: he’ll lean towards you, rarely turns his back on you, smiles a lot, maintains eye contact, and takes every excuse to touch you
- He shows interest in things you love.
- He seems nervous when you talk, especially if he’s a naturally shy guy. He might look away when you look at him or having trouble starting conversations.
- He talks to you whenever he can.
- He teases you.
- He treats you differently than other people.
8
Ask him out if it feels right. If you’ve started hanging out more and you think he might like you, it might be time to make a move! Choose a time when you’re alone together and casually ask if he wants to hang out sometime. If it feels more comfortable, suggest a group activity and avoid any awkwardness of a first one-on-one date.
- For example, you could say, “That new Batman movie looks so good. Do you want to see it with me? You’re the only one I know who will enjoy it as much as me!”, or, “It’s supposed to be so hot tomorrow. Wanna come to the beach with me?”
- To suggest a group activity, say something like, “They’re finally opening up that haunted house for Halloween, but my friends and I way too scared to go by ourselves. Do you guys want to come? I promise I won’t scream too loudly…”