How to Get Rid of a Guy Who Is Using You: 8 Ways to Set Boundaries and Get Over Him

Co-authored by Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: August 25, 2021 References

If you’ve been seeing a guy for a little while and he’s throwing out some red flags, you might be catching onto the fact that he’s using you. Whether he’s trying to get money, sex, or simply companionship from you, being used by your partner is never a good feeling. Keep reading to learn how you can get rid of this guy for good and move onto someone who likes you for you, not what you can do for them.

1

Talk to him in person.

He might take you more seriously if you two sit down together. Meet up in a private place where you two can chat, like your home. If he’s hesitant, tell him that it’s important and you really want to see him.^{[1]
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- If he doesn’t want to meet up with you, you can do it over text.

2

Ask him what you two are doing.

See what he thinks your relationship is. A guy who is using you probably won’t be able to answer the question, and he might hem or haw while he makes excuses. Making him say it out loud will help you solidify your decision and make him understand why you’re doing what you’re doing.^{[2]
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- Say something like, “We’ve been seeing each other for months now. What are we?”
- He might try to placate you with answers like, “We’re just seeing how it goes,” or, “Well, I don’t like labels.” If he can’t commit to dating you exclusively, that’s a red flag.

3

Tell him what you’re looking for in a relationship.

Let him know that you want to be in a committed partnership. If he can’t do that for you, then he’s not the one for you.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.} Spell it out clearly so there’s no uncertainty involved.^{[4]
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- Say something like, “I’m looking for an exclusive relationship with someone who loves me for me.”

4

Let him know it’s just not working out.

Tell him that you don’t want to see him anymore. Be firm, and don’t back down if he questions your decision or tries to get you to change your mind. If he tries sweet-talking you, tell him that you’ve heard it all before and you aren’t going to fall for it again. Try to use “I” statements so he doesn’t get defensive, like:^{[5]
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- “Whatever we’re doing just isn’t working out for me. I feel like I need someone more committed, and I don’t think that’s what you’re looking for right now.”

5

Be clear about your reasoning.

If he asks, you can elaborate. Tell him that he’s just not the one for you, and that you’d probably both be happier in a different situation. You could also tell him that you’re feeling used and that you don’t want to continue feeling that way.^{[6]
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- Try something like, “Honestly, it kind of feels like you’ve been using me for the past few months. We only meet up to have sex, and I don’t feel like we really know each other on a deeper level.”

6

Don’t respond to any late night texts.

He might hit you up for a booty call one last time. If you get the dreaded “You up?” text at 2 AM, just delete the message. If it keeps happening, it might be time to block his number.^{[7]
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- There’s no need to respond to his text, even to tell him to go away. Your lack of a response will send a message.

7

Unfriend him on social media.

Seeing him online will only make this harder. Remove him from your Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook so you don’t have to see any updates about his life. If he’s really hung up on you, he might post things to make you jealous, and you don’t need to see any of that.^{[8]
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- If he tries to contact you on social media, it might be best to block him.

8

Live your own life.

Focus on your friends and family to move on from him. Make plans to hang out with your BFFs for brunch, or go visit your parents for a little comfort. You can tell them what’s going on with you, or you can simply use them as a distraction from the guy who’s got you down.^{[9]
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- If you feel ready, you could even try dating again. However, it might be best to take a little time to be single for now.
- It's okay if you feel hurt or sad after you end things. Be compassionate with yourself as you work through your feelings.^{[10]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT
  Marriage & Family Therapist
  Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.}
- Remember, if a guy was using you, it only says something about the kind of person he is—not who you are!^{[11]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT
  Marriage & Family Therapist
  Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.}