How to Give Your Partner an Erotic Massage

The right products and techniques to turn your partner on while helping them relax

Co-authored by Marty Morales and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: December 26, 2022 References

Want to give your partner a relaxing, soothing, yet sensual massage? A steamy massage session is a great method of foreplay, but it’s also a good way to show your appreciation for your partner and get closer to them at the same time. Even if you aren’t a professional massage therapist, you can still give a stellar massage by following our tips. Keep reading to help your partner relax and unwind with a massage they won’t forget.

Things You Should Know

Dim the lights and burn some incense to set the mood for the massage.
Get undressed with your partner to make the massage more sensual (and to make your partner feel more comfortable).
Use massage oil or lotion to work your palms across your partner’s body, focusing on areas like the neck, shoulders, and legs.

1

Set the mood with candles and incense.

Dim the lights and play mellow music to help your partner relax. You could be giving your partner the best massage in the world, but if the lights are on full-blast and the music is blaring, it might not be as relaxing as it could be. Light a few candles, burn some incense, and play sensual, quiet music as you invite your partner to lay down.^{[1]
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- Giving a massage in the bedroom is typically the easiest, since you already have a soft, comfy spot for your partner to lie down. If you’re worried about getting oil on your sheets, put a few towels down before you start.
- You could also set up a diffuser with a soothing essential oil, like lavender or bergamot.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Justyna Kareta
  Certified Master Massage Therapist
  Expert Interview. 10 December 2019.}

2

Undress with your partner.

Make the massage more intimate by giving the massage in the nude. You’re not giving a professional massage here, so there’s no need to uphold any sort of professionalism. Ask your partner to strip down, then do the same yourself—it will make your partner feel more comfortable and make the massage that much more exciting.^{[3]
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- If you don’t want to strip down all the way, try wearing a robe with something special underneath. A new set of lingerie or underwear is the perfect way to get your partner excited.

3

Use lotion or massage oil.

Lotion or oil helps your hands glide smoothly over your partner’s body. While it's possible to give a halfway decent massage without any oil, your partner will be missing out big time. Use an oil made specifically for a massage, or try out a lotion that you both like, and warm it up in your hands before you start.^{[4]
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- Since massage oils soak into the skin, always purchase high-quality oils. Jojoba and almond oil are some good options.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Justyna Kareta
  Certified Master Massage Therapist
  Expert Interview. 10 December 2019.}
- While it may sound weird, cooking oils like olive, coconut, or cocoa butter can make excellent massage oils.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Marty Morales
  Professional Massage Therapist
  Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.} Many masseurs prefer using a basic cooking oil on the skin.
- You can also make your own massage oil by submerging lavender, calendula, rosemary, or other fragrant herbs or essential oils in a natural oil yourself.

4

Start with the shoulders and the back of the neck.

The shoulders and neck hold a ton of tension, so begin the massage there. Go slowly and gently with your thumbs down the side of the spine on the back of the neck. Work down the back of the neck in little circles, paying close attention to your partner's response.^{[7]
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- The spot where your neck meets your shoulder is another great area to hit, paying particular attention to the point at which the shoulder blade starts. Always work along the bone, not running across it.
- The base of the skull is another nice place to massage since there's a lot of tension there. Don't overdo it with the pressure, but carefully work that area with your fingers and your thumb.^{[8]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Justyna Kareta
  Certified Master Massage Therapist
  Expert Interview. 10 December 2019.}

5

Use firm, even pressure with the palms of your hands.

The palms of your hands ease tension and muscle aches easily. Massage techniques can vary widely, but there's no big secret to making your partner feel good. Use a firm but gentle touch, rubbing long strokes along your partner's muscles. Use the base of your palm to do the bulk of the pushing, and use other parts of your hand to get at the sensitive spots.^{[9]
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- It's important to massage along muscles, not push on bones. It doesn't really feel good to push hard onto the point of someone's elbow, but it does feel good to massage the inside of the forearm.
- You can use your thumbs to massage too, but only sparingly. Save your thumbs on any large, very tense muscles, like the legs, glutes, or shoulders.

6

Massage the back of the legs.

Release the tension in your partner’s legs to loosen them up. Paying close attention to the calves, massaging both big muscles in the back of the leg separately. This can be the difference between a good massage and a great one. Work your thumbs up and along both tendons in the back of the thigh, as well, to work the parts that can get sore.^{[10]
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- As you get closer to your partner’s groin area, don’t be afraid to brush your hands across their sensitive spots. Just remember that a good massage takes time—don’t rush into sex before you’ve finished your massage!

7

Give your partner a foot massage.

Work on your partner’s feet to massage them from head to toe. To give a sensual foot massage, run a thumb along the arch of your partner’s foot. Work each toe individually, using the oil liberally, and use both thumbs in small circles along the ball of the foot. It's good to use firm pressure on the foot, or it can feel somewhat tickly.^{[11]
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- If you always give your massages from head to toe, vary it up sometimes. Start with the feet and work your way up.

8

Focus on neglected areas of the body.

Don’t forget about the hands, ears, and knees! Everyone knows that it feels good to touch genitals and other erogenous zones. But diving straight to these areas can make for a somewhat crude or hurried massage. Take your time and, as long as your partner is comfortable (communicate!), explore the neglected areas of the body for the most sensual and careful massage you can give. Don't forget about:^{[12]
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- The wrists
- The arch of the foot
- The fingers and palms
- The back of the neck
- The ears
- The back of the knees

9

Do some full-body strokes.

Go over your partner’s body again to fully relax their muscles. Once you've worked your way down your partner's body and added a lot of oil, do some long, full-body strokes with the palms of your hands. Go extremely slowly and revisit all the spots you've just massaged. This can be a very nice way to end the massage. It can also feel good to use your forearm, or your knuckles, to vary the sensation from the last time those areas were massaged.^{[13]
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10

Ask your partner for guidance.

Let your partner tell you what feels good and what doesn't. Not sure where to massage next? Ask your partner where they’re sore or achey. This will tell you what area to move to and what to focus on next.^{[14]
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- Ask questions like, "Is that too firm?" or "Does that feel good?" when you move to a new area of the body. Listen and adjust your massage accordingly.^{[15]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Justyna Kareta
  Certified Master Massage Therapist
  Expert Interview. 10 December 2019.}

11

Take your time.

Go slowly and work your way over your partner’s entire body. A massage isn't a quick prologue to sex. Let the massage linger on for a while, spending your time treating your partner to these sensual touches for their own sake, because they feel good, not because they might lead to more. The slower the massage, the more you can really feel what you're doing.^{[16]
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Expert Source

Justyna Kareta
Certified Master Massage Therapist
Expert Interview. 10 December 2019.}
- It's also good to avoid distractions during a sensual massage. A massage is a lot less sensual if you're watching Sportscenter at the same time. Switch off the TV and devote your attention to your partner's body.
- If your partner wants to massage you as well, that’s great! But don’t expect (or demand) a massage in return. Focus on making your partner happy.
- Keep in mind that although your massage may be sensual, it doesn’t necessarily have to lead to sex. If you or your partner aren’t feeling like getting intimate, you can just enjoy a nice massage session instead.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I create a relaxing environment?

Justyna Kareta
Certified Master Massage Therapist
Justyna Kareta is a Certified Master Massage Therapist and Owner of Lush Massage, a massage studio based in San Francisco, California. Justyna has over nine years of experience as a therapist and specializes in Lomi Lomi Hawaiian Massage and CranioSacral Therapy to soothe the nervous system and facilitate deep healing. She received her massage therapy training from the Southwest Institute of Healing Arts, is certified by California Massage Therapy Council, and is a member of the Associated Bodywork & Massage Professionals.

Justyna Kareta

Certified Master Massage Therapist

Expert Answer

Set up your massage space with soft, warm lighting, and play soft, ambient music in the background. You can also diffuse some relaxing essential oils, like bergamot, lavender, chamomile, or frankincense. In general, try to set everything up so your partner feels really cozy.
Question

Can this massage be erotic?

Diamond Tantric Massages

Community Answer

Sensual massages can also be erotic massages (sometimes called Tantric Massages) and arousal can be a benefit. This can sometimes lead to enhanced intimacy and physical release. With a partner, this can move beyond arousal and into sex but for a true Tantric experience, it is better to flow with the sensations.
Question

What is the difference between a regular massage and a sensual massage?

Nico

Top Answerer

A regular message is typically given by a massage therapist and it's usually used to ease tension and stress. A sensual massage is usually given by a partner, it's slower, more romantic, and intimate.