The best ways to get your partner’s engine revving when you’re in the mood

Maybe you catch a glimpse of your partner and you just really want them. Maybe you just woke up and it’s on your mind. Sometimes, you just find yourself really, really in the mood. Whatever caused it isn’t important—all you want to know is how you can get your partner in the mood to have sex, too. The truth is, it doesn’t have to be a mysterious secret. With open communication and a little bit of daring, there are plenty of ways you can initiate sex with your partner.

Things You Should Know

  • Ask your partner if they want to have sex for a direct way to communicate with them.
  • Use compliments and light touches to turn your partner on throughout the day.
  • Give your partner a sensual massage or wear a new, sexy outfit to rev their engine.
  • If all else fails, talk to your partner and ask them how they want you to initiate in the future.
2

Compliment your partner.

  1. Get your partner in the mood by telling them how awesome they are. There’s nothing better after a long day than hearing some words of affirmation from the person you love. Start out by complimenting your partner on their personality, then move onto telling them how hot or sexy they look.[2]
    • “You’re such a hard worker. I appreciate everything you do for us.”
    • “I know you had a long day. Thanks for taking care of those errands. Is there anything I can do to help you unwind?”
    • “You look so sexy in that shirt. It complements your eyes perfectly.”
7

Put on some lingerie to send a message.

8

Leave out props or toys.

10

Consider scheduling sex.

  1. Set a time period for sexual activities if you’re both super busy. Do you feel like you and your partner never have alone time together? Setting a sex schedule is a great way to make time for your sex life. Talk to your partner and see if they’d be open to scheduling a few nights per week that you can both look forward to.[10]
    • Some people prefer this option, because it lets them get in the right mindset. If your partner knows that you two will be having sex tonight, for instance, they can work on de-stressing and getting in the mood throughout the day.
11

Ask your partner how they want you to initiate.

  1. When all else fails, see what your partner wants you to do next time. Sex is a normal part of healthy relationships, and you’re welcome to talk to your partner about it at any time. If you’re having trouble figuring out what they like or how they want you to initiate, have a conversation about it. That way, you’ll both be on the same page, and you can keep your sex life going strong in the future.[11]
    • “How do you want me to initiate sex?”
    • “Do you like spontaneous sex, or do you want time to get in the mood?”
    • “Do you like it when I ____?”

Expert Q&A
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  • Question
    How long should you spend on foreplay?
    JT Tran
    JT Tran
    Dating Coach
    JT Tran is a Dating Coach and a Dating Advice Columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. JT also runs the ABCs of Attraction, a dating boot camp where he specializes in coaching Asian men and women on how to navigate the cultural and social sensitivities associated with Asian dating culture. With over ten years of dating coaching experience, JT has presented dating and relationship advice as it relates to cultural issues at Harvard University, Yale University, and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been featured in AsianWeek, New York, NU Asian Magazine, the Huffington Post, Channel News Asia, and Voice of America News TV.
    JT Tran
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer

    Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

    This is going to totally depend on you and your partner, so remember, communication is key. But as a general guideline, taking it slow and spending 20 minutes or so on foreplay is a pretty good guideline.
  • Question
    What if I'm kind of scared to talk about sex?
    JT Tran
    JT Tran
    Dating Coach
    JT Tran is a Dating Coach and a Dating Advice Columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. JT also runs the ABCs of Attraction, a dating boot camp where he specializes in coaching Asian men and women on how to navigate the cultural and social sensitivities associated with Asian dating culture. With over ten years of dating coaching experience, JT has presented dating and relationship advice as it relates to cultural issues at Harvard University, Yale University, and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been featured in AsianWeek, New York, NU Asian Magazine, the Huffington Post, Channel News Asia, and Voice of America News TV.
    JT Tran
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer

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    It's really a sign of a strong and healthy relationship if everyone is comfortable talking about sex. I know it might be scary at first, but it's one of those things that gets easier the more you do it. Don't be afraid to talk about sex! It's totally healthy and normal.
  • Question
    How can I make my partner more comfortable about sex?
    JT Tran
    JT Tran
    Dating Coach
    JT Tran is a Dating Coach and a Dating Advice Columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. JT also runs the ABCs of Attraction, a dating boot camp where he specializes in coaching Asian men and women on how to navigate the cultural and social sensitivities associated with Asian dating culture. With over ten years of dating coaching experience, JT has presented dating and relationship advice as it relates to cultural issues at Harvard University, Yale University, and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been featured in AsianWeek, New York, NU Asian Magazine, the Huffington Post, Channel News Asia, and Voice of America News TV.
    JT Tran
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer

    Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

    Try to ask leading questions about what their preferences are. Try opening up a bit yourself to show them that they're comfortable with being vulnerable. Give them time. It's hard for some people to open up with this stuff.

Warnings

  • Don’t try to force your partner to do something they don’t feel comfortable doing. It could potentially damage your sex life and your relationship.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽

About This Article

JT Tran
Co-authored by:
Dating Coach
This article was co-authored by JT Tran and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. JT Tran is a Dating Coach and a Dating Advice Columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. JT also runs the ABCs of Attraction, a dating boot camp where he specializes in coaching Asian men and women on how to navigate the cultural and social sensitivities associated with Asian dating culture. With over ten years of dating coaching experience, JT has presented dating and relationship advice as it relates to cultural issues at Harvard University, Yale University, and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been featured in AsianWeek, New York, NU Asian Magazine, the Huffington Post, Channel News Asia, and Voice of America News TV. This article has been viewed 161,261 times.
6 votes - 50%
Co-authors: 6
Updated: January 16, 2023
Views: 161,261
Categories: Sexual Activity