How to Know You Are Being Scammed in a Relationship

Last Updated: November 5, 2022 References

The dating world can be a difficult world to navigate. Online dating sites can be a wonderful tool to help find a partner. However, by being aware of the signs of a dating scam, such as bad grammar or requests for personal and financial information, you will know if you are a victim of a dating scam.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Understanding Online Dating Scams

1
Pay attention to their grammar. One of the first clues of an online dating scam is bad grammar. While not everyone who has bad grammar is a scammer, if the person you are talking to online also suggests that they have a high education level, this should be warning sign. If their grammar or sentence structure seems odd and things don’t just don’t seem to add up, it is likely to be a scam.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Scott Nelson, JD
Police Sergeant, Mountain View Police Department
Expert Interview. 2 April 2020.}
- For example, you should be wary of someone who says they were born and raised in the United States but their grammar suggests that English is not their first language.
2
Suggest an in-person meeting. Before you get too emotionally invested in a person from an online dating site, suggest that you go on a date. If you are dealing with an online dating scammer, they may agree to meet in person but will repeatedly have an excuse for why they cannot meet.^{[2]
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- Be sure to schedule your date in a public and safe location.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Scott Nelson, JD
  Police Sergeant, Mountain View Police Department
  Expert Interview. 2 April 2020.}
- Take extra precautions to stay safe, such as by letting a couple of family members and friends know where you are meeting the person.
- Keep your phone with you at all times in case you need to call for emergency help, such as by calling 911 in the US.
- If an in-person meeting is not an option due to geographic location, request that you speak to the person by Skype or Google Hangout.
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3
Do a quick Google search. If you are talking to someone that you don’t know online, be sure to Google search some of the information that they give you. Search their name, email address, and username.^{[4]
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- The name, email, or username may come up in a search of frequent online scammers.
- Online scammers often use other people’s online images.
- Sometimes online scammers adopt a real person’s identity to make their scam more believable.
4
Recognize odd requests. If you are using an online dating site, a scammer may request that you exchange information so that you can communicate outside of the dating site. They may provide an excuse that seems very legitimate and are often very convincing. They do this very quickly in the hopes that they are not caught by the site administrator.^{[5]
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- They may say something like, “My subscription to this site is going to end tonight. Would you be interested in continuing this conversation by text or email?”
- Be wary if the person tries to speed up the romance or showers you with affection early on. These are red flags that the person may be planning to scam you.
5
Be wary of requests for personal information. For safety reasons, you should never give a person that you met online information like your full name, birthday, phone number, or address. It is also wise to avoid discussions about your salary, savings, life insurance, or inheritance. If you are being asked these questions, you are likely involved in an online dating scam.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Scott Nelson, JD
Police Sergeant, Mountain View Police Department
Expert Interview. 2 April 2020.}
6
Beware of requests for money. The end game to most online dating scams is money. It can take several weeks or even months for a request for money to occur. The request for money is typically in combination with a heart wrenching story that makes you believe that this person or someone that they love is in danger. For example, they may tell you:^{[7]
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- “I’m sorry that I haven’t responded to your messages the past couple of days. My daughter was backpacking with some friends overseas and has been in a tragic accident. While traveling to be with her in the hospital, my wallet was stolen from my purse. I need some money for a hotel and food while I am here. Can you send me some money by Western Union? I will pay you back as soon as I get home!”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Dating Traditionally

1
Be aware of excessive questions about money. No one should ever ask you questions about your financial information. Never give this information away! This is a red flag if the person asks you these kinds of questions. If your date is asking a lot of questions about your money early in a relationship, they may only be interested in your money.^{[8]
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- These questions could be as direct as asking about your salary or as indirect as asking about the type of car you drive or neighborhood you live in.
- Indirect questions, such as what type of car you drive, may seem innocent enough, but they can give your date an idea of how much money you have.
2
Understand the risks of a romantic relationships while on vacation. You are an easy target for dating scams when you are on vacation or temporarily living in a foreign country. Be aware that the culture and social cues surrounding dating may be different than those of your own country. Be wary of someone who becomes infatuated with you very quickly. They may have ulterior motives.^{[9]
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- Travelling alone is not usually a good idea because it may make you more susceptible to predators. Consider taking a friend along with you on vacations.
- If you are traveling with a friend, you can have still have some time apart, but make sure to check in with each other throughout the day. A quick text message will do.
3
Be realistic. Unfortunately, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is too good to be true. Be aware of people who are significantly younger than you or profess their love for you too quickly. Someone who is significantly younger than you might only be interested in a relationship for financial security. Remember that true love takes time, and claims of “love at first sight” could be a warning sign that you are being scammed.^{[10]
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- For example, if you are a 65-year-old retiree and a 25-year-old model is showing interest in having a relationship, it should raise suspicion.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Moving Past the Scam

1
Report the online profile. Once you are confident that you are a victim of an internet dating scam, you should report it immediately. Start by reporting the profile to the social media site or online dating site. These sites are not interested in retaining their profiles. You should also consider reporting it to Internet Crime Complaint Center.^{[11]
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- You can get more information about internet fraud by visiting https://www.usa.gov/online-safety.
2
Unsubscribe from online dating sites. If you are continuously having problem with online dating scams, maybe you should reconsider your use of online dating sites. Although these sites can be a great way to meet new people, they can also be very dangerous.
- If this person has access to your social media, it would be a good idea to block them. This way, they can no longer contact you. It will also help you move on emotionally.
3
Cope after being a victim of a dating scam. First, you should understand that this is not your fault. You should treat this loss as you would treat a normal breakup. It is completely normal to feel hurt and betrayed. Allow yourself time to mourn. Take comfort in the fact that the pain that you are feeling will pass, just like other breakups.^{[12]
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- Don't hesitate to seek support from friends, family, and counselors.
- Instead of treating this as a loss or a bad thing, treat it as a learning experience. How can you prevent this from happening in the future?
- Don't avoid future relationships just because of one bad experience. Not everyone out there will use you. Give yourself time to grieve, then put yourself out there again.

Expert Q&A

Question

Where should I meet someone in-person if I've just met them online?

Scott Nelson, JD
Police Sergeant, Mountain View Police Department
Scott Nelson is a Police Sergeant with the Mountain View Police Department in California. He is also a practicing attorney for Goyette & Associates, Inc. where he represents public employees with a myriad of labor issues throughout the state. He has over 15 years of experience in law enforcement and specializes in digital forensics. Scott has received extensive training through the National Computer Forensics Institute and holds forensic certifications from Cellbrite, Blackbag, Axiom Forensics, and others. He earned a Master of Business Administration from the California State University Stanislaus and a Juris Doctorate from the Laurence Drivon School of Law.

Scott Nelson, JD

Police Sergeant, Mountain View Police Department

Expert Answer

First, make sure the two of you meet in a busy, public area. If it's a romantic date, suggest making it a group date and bring a few friends along so you feel safe. I'd also recommend giving a close friend or family member your phone number and having them check in on you when you're supposed to go home.

Warnings

Use caution when dating online. Social media and online dating sites are common places for dating scams.

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Be realistic. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

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