How to Start a Conversation with a Guy on Facebook

Last Updated: February 27, 2022 References

Trying to start a conversation with anyone can be daunting, especially if it's on a social media platform like Facebook. On Facebook, you don't just run into people or notice someone across the room, unless you're active in groups. However, you can start a conversation with a guy, especially if you first notice him in a group. Whether you're trying to win a date, a new friend, or a business connection, this article will help you get started.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Starting a Conversation with a Guy to Date Him

1
Check out his profile first. See what common interests you have before initiating a conversation, so you have something to talk about.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.} If most of his profile is set to private, you can ask him about his favorite movie or book to help get the conversation started.^{[2]
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- For instance, you could say, "I see your profile is set to private, so I'm curious why you're hiding your favorite book from people. What do you like to read?"
2
Ask for help. Most people are willing to chat for a few minutes if you need some help. So ask for help with a problem you're having. If you don't actually have one, you could ask something about Facebook, such as the following: "I can never figure out how to break up my paragraphs in a post without making the post send. Do you know how to do that?"^{[3]
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3
Ask for recommendations. If you're new to the area (or even if you're not), try asking him for restaurant recommendations as a way to open up the conversation.^{[4]
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- Try asking a question such as "Hi, I'm new to the area. Can you recommend any good Japanese or Thai places in the area?" If he says yes, ask him if he'd be willing to meet you at one.
4
Use fake recognition. That is, ask him if you've met him before. You can mention a place you go often. He'll say "no," but you can move on from there.^{[5]
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- For instance, you could say, "Have I met you before? You look so familiar. Do you go the Panera Bread on 10th Street?"
5
Make him laugh. People love to laugh, so you can draw him in by making him laugh. The best jokes are ones that will connect you.^{[6]
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- If you see he likes the same sports team as you, you could make a joke about how bad the team is doing, such as "I noticed you liked our local baseball team. They're doing so bad this year, I think my kid's little league team could beat them."
6
Try a compliment. People like to hear good things about themselves. Pick something you notice on his profile.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.} It can be about his appearance, but it doesn't have to be. In fact, studies show that compliments not focused on appearance work best.^{[8]
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- You could comment on his taste in books: "You have great tastes in books! I loved The Ocean at the End of the Lane, too."

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Starting a Conversation to Become Friends

1
Peruse his profile first. Like starting a conversation for dating, you should always check out his profile for common ground, even if you're trying to become friends. If it doesn't have public information, ask him about it.^{[9]
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2
Keep it casual. If you just want a friend, you don't want to send a signal that you want something more.^{[10]
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- In other words, don't flirt. You don't want to comment it on his cute eyes if you just want to be friends.
3
Try being straightforward. Say why you're contacting the person and what you want: "Hi, my name is Jake, and I'm looking for new friends in the area."^{[11]
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4
Ask him about himself. People like to talk about themselves, so ask him about what he likes and who he is.^{[12]
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- As an example, you could say, "Hi, I noticed your profile today, and I found it interesting. Can you tell me more about yourself?"
5
Use open-ended questions. When beginning a conversation, open-ended questions (questions that require more than a "yes" or "no" to answer) encourage the conversation to continue.^{[13]
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- For example, instead of asking "Do you like books?" ask him "What kind of books do you like to read?"
6
Focus on common interests. For instance, if you both like basketball, focus on that.^{[14]
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- For instance, you could say, "Hi, I'm Ashley. I see you love playing basketball. I love to shoot hoops, too. Did you play for your high school or college team?"
7
Try an usual word as a greeting. That is, use "howdy" or "what's up?" as opposed to "hi" or "hello." Studies done by OkCupid show a person is more likely to respond to an unusual word.^{[15]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Starting a Conversation for Networking Purposes

1
Look at his profile first. It's always important to have as many details as you can before starting a conversation with someone you don't know well. See where he works, what he does for a living, and where he lives. You can also look for common ground, such as similar interests or the fact that you both have two cats.^{[16]
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2
Focus on your connections. That is, if you are contacting person because he's a friend of a friend or because someone he knows recommended you chat, bring it up.^{[17]
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- As an example, you could say, "I'm writing to you because Jeff Grace of ABC Financials suggested I get in touch with you."
3
Ask about the person's job. If you notice the person works in a similar field, ask about the job he does.^{[18]
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- For instance, you could say, "Hi, I'm Jess. I notice you also work in engineering. I'm new to the field, so I was wondering if I could ask you some questions about your job."
4
Tie the question to his location. That is, tie in your location to initiate the conversation.^{[19]
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- You could say, "Hi, I'm Beca. I'm new in Phoenix, and I was wondering if you have some time to talk about jobs in computer science in this area."
5
Be straightforward about what you want. If you're looking to make connections, mention that. If you're trying to find places that are hiring, ask about that. Most people are willing to help if you state what you want.^{[20]
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- For example, you could say, "Hi, I'm new to the area, and I'm looking to make professional connections in my field. Do you mind chatting with me for a few minutes?"

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Being Considerate

1
Always ask if the person has time to chat. That is, make sure you're not interrupting anything. People may respond to you but not really have time for a drawn-out chat.^{[21]
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2
Back off if the person doesn't want to chat. If the person makes it clear that he doesn't want to chat now, ask if you can chat in the future. If he says no, respect his wishes.
3
Check your grammar. Most people are turned off by bad grammar. Also, if you're over 20, avoid using "netspeak," such as "u" for "you" or "r" for "are."^{[22]
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4
Stop trying to initiate conversation if he doesn't respond. If you send a couple of messages and he doesn't respond, stop trying to initiate conversation, especially if your messages are marked "read" by the messenger.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I use the internet to win a date?

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.

Maria Avgitidis

Matchmaker & Dating Expert

Expert Answer

You can use online dating as a tool to win a date. When you meet someone online, try to arrange for an offline date within a few days. First, you can comment on the profile of the person. If you get a response from them, it means that they also have an interest in you. You can go ahead and ask them to meet you in person.
Question

How can I make a great first impression on someone I meet through the internet?

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.

Maria Avgitidis

Matchmaker & Dating Expert

Expert Answer

If you want to make the best first impression on someone whom you meet in person after meeting online, you should post a recent photo that looks like you. Secondly, it should look like you are on a date. If you are going on a date after work, get out of your work mentality and assume your date mentality. When you go on your first date, wear something that is comfortable and makes you look good. You can wear well-fit jeans or a good dress, and high heels or flat shoes.
Question

How can I end the date if it goes badly?

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.

Maria Avgitidis

Matchmaker & Dating Expert

Expert Answer

If you do not want to have another date with a particular person, you can text them. You can say that it was nice meeting them. But unfortunately, you do not feel that there is long-term chemistry between you. Finally, you can wish them luck in their future search.