How to Tell Your Girlfriend That You Love Her

Last Updated: January 28, 2022 References

Telling your girlfriend that you love her can be one of the most nerve-racking experiences you’ve had in a relationship. You’ll be tempted to overthink it, make crazy and expensive plans, or even tell her in a subtle way that might not come across the way you want it to. Instead, you should be direct and honest, trust your feelings, and pick an appropriate place to tell her. After all, if she feels the same way, then you don’t need an elaborate plan and you won’t need to find the perfect moment.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Finding the Right Moment

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Time your moment based on how long you’ve been in the relationship. One of the biggest questions people have is when (how long into the relationship) they should tell their significant other that they love them.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Cristina Morara
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.} This, though, varies from men to women. One study has noted that men take 88 days to tell their girlfriends that they love them, while women take significantly longer. As a result of this, you need to make sure that you’re not rushing the relationship:
- Make sure she’s sent signals to you that she feels the same, even if she hasn’t told you that she loves you.
- Don’t tell her you love her during the first couple of weeks of dating. This is far too soon, and inappropriate. While there may be some couples who are sure of their love so early on, chances are, it’s not you.
- If it feels too early, it probably is too early to tell her you love her. Wait a bit longer. If she feels the same way, it can’t hurt to wait a little bit.^{[2]
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2
Tell her when you feel the relationship is solid, you are connected, and you want to move to the next level. Perhaps the best time to tell her you love her is when you feel comfortable in your relationship and want to move it to the next level. There is no specific timeline on this, and it varies from relationship to relationship, so you need to gauge your own relationship and your comfort level before telling her you love her.^{[3]
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3
Wait for the appropriate (specific) moment. Telling her that you love her is not something you want to rush. You need to wait for an appropriate moment in which you’ll be able to express yourself and she’ll be able to respond.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Cristina Morara
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.} While you want to wait for an appropriate moment, consider:
- That there is no “perfect” moment. If you’re waiting for the perfect moment, you might wait forever.
- Don’t tell her when her complete attention is not on you.
- Don’t tell her when you’re in the process of coming into contact with other people.
- Consider a natural pause in the conversation after she’s said something sweet to you. This way, your admission of love will be a reciprocation of her own feelings.^{[5]
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4
Wait until the two of you are alone. Letting her know that you love her should be something you tell her when you’re alone. This doesn’t mean that you have to be completely isolated from everyone when you tell her, but you certainly want to have at least a low level of intimacy between the two. Consider:
- Never tell her in front of a group of friends.
- Don’t tell her when you are in front of your or her family.
- Generally, the less people the better. If you’re alone talking in a crowd, that’s okay. But if you’re the center of attention in the crowd, that might be a bit awkward for one or both of you.
5
Let it be natural. If at all possible, you should let her know about how you feel in a natural way. While you’re going to probably think about doing it ahead of time, try not to script it out word for word and time it to the exact minute. It will come across as more sincere if it seems natural.^{[6]
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Make sure you are sober and alert. The best time to say “I love you” is when you’re sober and alert. There are a number of reasons for this. If you’re not sober and alert, you might botch the delivery. If you’re drunk or tired, your girlfriend might question your motives or think that you don’t really mean what you’re saying.
- Don’t be drunk and say “I love you.” Of course, a glass of wine or a beer should be alright (if you’re of age).
- Don’t say “I love you” after you’ve been partying.
- The more alert you are, the chances are the better you’ll be able to convey your true feelings.^{[7]
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7
Accompany it with a gift. Some men prefer to give their girlfriend a gift, present it, and then tell their lady how much she means to him. This is certainly an acceptable way of conveying your love. However, consider:
- Inexpensive thoughtful gifts that are homemade or represent something in your relationship.
- A necklace or bracelet (if you know she’s been interested in something like this).
- It might come off as contrived.
- Don’t make your gift too grandiose, because it could seem like you are trying to buy her.
- Try not to make a spectacle out of presenting the gift, this could be embarrassing.
- Only you know your relationship dynamic, so use your best judgement based on both of your comfort levels and expectations.
8
Trust your gut. Telling your girlfriend you love her is something you don’t want to overthink. If you overthink it, it might come off awkward or contrived. Instead, trust your feelings and your intuition. If it feels like the right moment to tell her you love her, then do it.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Cristina Morara
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Picking the Right Place

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Invite her to a romantic dinner. A romantic dinner is a wonderful place to tell your girlfriend that you love her. It’ll set the atmosphere, give you both time to talk and enjoy each other’s company, and give you the opportunity to tell her.
- A nice restaurant that you both enjoy will work great.
- Consider a home cooked meal.
- If cooking at home, try to set the meal apart from everyday meals you might already enjoy together. If appropriate, light a candle and put on some lite music.
2
Invite her on a picnic. Picnics are a nice of way of spending time together with an atmosphere that suggests intimacy but is not too suggestive. Chances are, you’ll both enjoy the picnic, and use it as a time to talk and bond more than you have already. It might create the perfect opportunity to give her your news.^{[9]
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3
Tell her when you’re engaged in light intimacy at one of your homes. Perhaps you want to let her know in the heat of the moment – when you’re kissing or making out. This works for some people, but there are some potential pitfalls you need to be careful about.
- Don’t expect sex. She could think that you are saying it in order to butter her up for sex.
- Don’t tell her during sex. This could come off as insincere.
- Don’t tell her immediately after sex. Instead, wait a few hours at minimum, or even a couple of days.
- Make sure it comes out naturally, and not as some grand sexual plan for the evening.^{[10]
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4
Avoid telling her at sports events, parties, or movies. There are a number of reasons why you should avoid entertainment venues for this sort of thing. Most importantly, her attention won’t be on you. But there are other reasons as well:
- You both might be under the scrutiny of others, which could be awkward.
- If she’s a private person, she might be mad that you shared such a big thing with the whole world.
- Only you know your relationship and your significant other, so use your best judgement.
5
Consider a grandiose moment, if you think it’s appropriate. If you’re both over-the-top, out-going, and flamboyant personalities, then maybe you can consider a grandiose moment to tell her you love her. While this is not recommended for most people, it might be right for you – but ultimately, only you know your relationship and your significant other. If you are the type of person who wants to do this, consider:
- Hiring a plane trailing a sign “I love you <name>” over a sporting event or some other event where you and your girlfriend will be outside.
- Sending her dozens of roses with a card that says I love you. If you want to go really over the top, you can send this to her work. It might be inappropriate, though.
- There are many other over-the-top ways of conveying your love, just make sure you think it’s right for your relationship.^{[11]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Communicating Your Love

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Tell her directly, at the right time and the right place. If you think it’s the right time and place, just tell her directly, “I love you.” This is extremely direct, but it’s simple and it will convey what you are feeling. Of course there are a few ways to slightly soften this direct approach:
- Say something like “I have a confession to make…” then “I love you.”
- Ask her for her hand, and tell her you love her.
- Lead into a conversation about how you see the rest of your life, and then tell her you love her.
2
Let her know indirectly. You can tell her you love her in an indirect approach, if you feel more comfortable doing so. However, be warned. While this might alleviate some of the stress and anxiety for you, it might take some of the magic out of the moment. If you do go with the indirect approach, consider:
- Spelling “I love you” on a mirror or another surface.
- Sending her flowers with a card that says “I love you.”
- Write her a “love letter” and snail mail it to her.
- Understand that an indirect approach could be construed as a grandiose admission of love, too. ^{[12]
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Communicate your love nonverbally. Sharing your love in a nonverbal way is something many people do. There are pros and cons to this approach. First, a nonverbal signal of love might mean more than just mere words. However, it could also lack the force and emotion of a direct verbal approach. If you’re going to go nonverbal, consider:
- Looking into her eyes at the right moment. If you have a true connection, she’ll understand.
- Holding her and kissing her on the neck at the right moment and at the right place. Perhaps you’re on a beach watching the sunset. This action might say much more than words could communicate.
- Be warned that this approach might be considered a cop-out by some, and might not actually communicate what you want. Only you and your partner can know.

Community Q&A

Question

There is a girl I love, but when I tell her I love her, she sends me pictures of someone else blowing a kiss. Does she love me?

Community Answer

Well, perhaps she does not share your feelings. Perhaps shes not mature enough to admit that she does. You should spend some more time with her, getting to know her, and officially dating her (if you're not). Then you'll have a much better idea.
Question

How do I tell a girl I want to have sex?

Community Answer

Don't tell her that you want it. Sex must be consensual. You should be able to get a pretty good idea if she shares the same feelings. If so, your relationship might naturally move in that direction.

Warnings

Don't keep saying I love you hoping that she'll say it back! Say it once that night and possibly the next morning. Don't say it if you feel awkward and don't make her feel awkward.

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