How to Turn a Girl Friend Into a Girlfriend

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Last Updated: March 11, 2023 References

One day, you find yourself looking at your girl friend as more than just a friend who happens to be a girl. You start looking at her as girlfriend material, and wanting to get closer to her on a romantic level. This is a tricky situation to be in, because you want to figure out how she feels without jeopardizing your friendship in the process. But if you play your cards right, you may be able to turn your girl friend into a girlfriend in no time.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Reading the Situation

1
Try to figure out how she feels about you. Your newfound feelings of affection for your girl friend may be light years from her own feelings about you. After all, yesterday you were both friends, while today, at least one of you has shifted into new territory. Has she given you any indication that she might be interested in something deeper than platonic friendship? Have you seen signs of flirting or wanting to be close all the time? Or does she act the way she always has done, friendly, attentive and affectionate but only in the way of a good friend? Paying attention to these things can help you have a better sense of the situation.
- See how she acts when she talks to you. Is she the same as she's always been, or has she been suddenly acting more self-conscious? If that's the case, then she may be nervous because she wants something more from you, too.
- However, if she does act exactly the same, it doesn't mean that she doesn't have new feelings for you. Still, it helps to try to gauge her feelings before you proceed.
- Was she always comfortable telling you about the guys she likes, but she has recently stopped doing that? This could be an indication that you may be the only guy she has feelings for.
2
Ask your friends what they think. You may be so hung up on the idea of dating your favorite girl friend that you may not be reading the signs properly. If you have some trusted friends who have hung out with the two of you and can watch you in action objectively, then don't be afraid to ask them what they honestly think your chances are. A true friend will give you his honest opinion, and he may be able to tell you if he thinks she likes you, or if she just sees you as a friend.
- Of course, your friends may just be telling you what you want to hear. But if you seek out an honest friend and ask for an honest opinion, you may be in luck.
- This doesn't mean that your friends will be able to read the situation better than you can. But it does help to have your suspicions confirmed, or to have your friend break the news that the girl actually likes someone else.
3
Avoid the friend zone. Be clear. The problem often lies in being nice, as friends usually are. Niceness is an admirable quality in friendship but it's bland when it comes to passion and love. Being nice rather than flirtatious and daring will give her the impression that you are a great friend, but not a great lover. If you keep it up, you'll most likely get stuck in the friend zone.^{[1]
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Research source} The answer? You really need to flirt more! And if you don't think you're any good at flirting, don't worry––flirting is, and should be, playful and fun.
- Don't let her do the usual "friend" things with you. Don't let her treat you like a girlfriend or tell you about a boy she likes. Make sure that she sees you as more than that.
4
Make sure it's worth it. Before you go and ask out your girl friend, make sure that you're really ready to take the risk involved in asking out one of your friends. If she's one of your best friends, or is even your best friend, then you have to make sure that your feelings are really genuine and that you're ready to take the plunge, and to risk the friendship you have by dating. In the end, your friendship may be more important than your romantic relationship.
- The truth is that most relationships don't end in marriage, and you may not be able to return to your old friendship when you break up. However, if you really do like the girl and see a real future with her, then you should go for it.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
  Psychotherapist
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Making Her See Your Boyfriend Potential

1
Take care of your appearance. Make sure you look your best. If you haven't taken a lot of care about your appearance around her before, this will be a good immediate signal that you've taken things up a notch. But it's nice to look your best anyway, as it increases your confidence too. You shouldn't suddenly put a ton of gel in your hair or wear a suit when you hang out, but making an extra effort with your looks will make her notice you more and will make her see that you're starting to view her differently.
- Try to dress nicely when you are around her, make sure you have showered, shaved, and done whatever to make sure you look good. But don't turn up in a tuxedo or reeking of aftershave. Dress for the occasion, and smelling like you've just bathed in cologne is a turn off, not a turn on. Less is more with scent. If you look good, you feel good.^{[3]
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  Research source} Taking an effort with your appearance is a way of saying "Look! I bothered to make myself look nice, and I take care of myself. I care enough about you to dress well."
2
Be more playful. While you may already have a fun relationship, humor can be a path to winning her heart. Try joking around more often and being playful in her presence. Tell her things that are genuinely really funny and help her to see that you're the kind of guy who loves to find the humor and fun in life. Glance at her in suggestive ways, then laugh when she starts looking serious about it (don't come across as a staring oddball).
- Find ways to compare your relationship to other funny people you know in real life or in entertainment circles. Even better if these people are romantically attached. Examples of some famous couples brought together by comedy include: Amy Poehler and Will Arnett, Anna Faris and Chris Pratt and Judd Apatow and Leslie Mann.
- Sometimes tickle games can work but be careful. If you come across as trying to "cop a feel", you're doomed. Moreover, not all girls like tickling. Take your cue from her responsiveness and never overdo it even if she does like it. Be prepared to be tickled in turn.
- Teasing the girl slightly is a great way to be playful and to flirt with her a bit. Just make sure you don't end up offending her by mistake.
3
Increase the physical contact. You may already be quite affectionate toward one another. However, it's now time to amp up the contact in ways that could be considered flirtatious without crossing the line. For example, aim to touch her at least three times each time you meet up with her. Touch for no longer than two to three seconds (long enough for it to register subconsciously) and only touch her where it won't be uncomfortable, such as her hand, shoulder or neck.^{[4]
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Research source}
- Share food. The act of sharing one another's food when out dining or having a snack is intimate and can increase the chances of closeness.
- Hugs are good. They express friendship but also help increase the closeness that might help you to become more than friends.
4
Be useful. Do things for her, like helping her out whenever you can. This could be anything from housework and maintenance to homework and preparing for interviews. Helpfulness is a sign of being considerate, which is very sexy. She'll see that you care about her and want to do nice things for her. Just make sure you don't do everything for her, or she'll think of you as a puppy dog. She should do nice things for you, too.
- Being useful and helpful does not mean be bossy or superior. If she can do something herself, admire her ability openly rather than suggest you could do it better. Nothing scares off a potential romantic interest than arrogance or belittling.
5
Listen to her attentively. Don't just sit there and nod your head pretending to listen.^{[5]
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Research source} Girls love it when you listen and take the time to truly understand them. Not only that, but listening will benefit the potential future relationship and also strengthen your current friendship.^{[6]
X
Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.} Show her that you can be boyfriend material by being a gentleman.
- When she talks to you, make eye contact and put away your phone or other distractions. Let her see that you really care about every word she says.
- Avoid interrupting her. Wait until she's finished to say what you have to say.
6
Remember details about her by heart. Good ones to remember include her birthday, siblings, phone number, favourite food, favourite colors, hobbies, ambition and things that she has already told you. Write down these important details if your memory is not good; it may help jog your memory just before important chats. This will help her see that you really do care about her.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Dropping Hints that You Like Her

1
Invite her to parties. If you both like to dance and spend time partying, offer to be her date. It may be reassuring for her at first to have someone familiar by her side, while the rhythm of the party and the natural excitement of the event might help to turn things your way. Spending time together at the party can put your relationship in a whole new light.
2
Close the gap. Use your body language to get closer to her as you get stronger signals that she's interested. Lean your shoulders towards her, lean on her very gently, face her often and use touch frequently. Again, hugs are always good! Take note of how she responds when you try to get closer to her. If she welcomes the closeness and seems comfortable with it, then you're on the right track.
- Take care not to fall into or on her, to grab her or to squeeze or hold her too hard.
- Play footsie. This should only happen when you are sure she's got the message and has started to reciprocate your amorous intent. It's cheeky, titillating and fun when the moment is right.
3
Leave her wanting your presence more. Don't spend too much time around her. Instead, spend lots of time, and then none for a while, then more again, and flirt while you are there. While you are gone, she is given a chance to think about you, which hopefully she will. This will also help you play hard to get. If she knows that you'll always be available, then she'll be less likely to want to hang out with you.^{[7]
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Research source}
- Spend more time with her when she is happy than when she is sad. This helps her to associate happiness with you. If you are successful in making her your girlfriend, that's when it becomes important to support her when she needs it.
4
Be flirtatious. Gradually increase your flirting ways, provided you're getting the right signals in return. Let things happen naturally. Tease her a bit, be playful, touch her lightly, and just treat her differently than you would other girls. Let her see that you're not just flirtatious for the sake of it, but that you're directing your romantic feelings toward her.^{[8]
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Research source}
5
Notice her interest in you. As you are getting closer to her, and maybe you feel like she feels a little something for you, check for these signs to see if maybe she likes you back.
- She has one color nail varnish one day, and changes it the next when she's going out with you. She's trying to get your attention with the little things.
- Hem lines go up, neck lines go down. Basically, she's seeing a different side of you, and she wants you... to see a different... bit of her.... as it were. She's establishing that she can be sexy too.
- She bats her eyelashes and looks at you a lot.
- Her movements become more gentle
- Her tone of voice lowers slightly and becomes slower.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Asking Her Out

1
Become a little more forward. Go on one-on-one outings to the mall or movies. Maybe go out in the evening. When you first see her (make sure you're alone to avoid any unwanted ears) say something like "Wow. You look beautiful." And smile.
2
Pick the right time and place. If you want to ask her out, then pick a place where you'll have some privacy, and a time when she won't have a lot of other stuff on her mind. Though you don't want to wait around forever to pop the question, you should work on finding some privacy, and making sure she'll be in a good mood. For example, don't pull her aside right before her big math test, or she'll be too distracted and stressed out to listen to you.
- Once you've found the time, get her alone, trying to be as casual as possible. If her friends are five feet away, you won't be able to have a good conversation.
3
Tell her why you like her. Don't make a big deal about it. Just give her a few compliments and tell her how much you like spending time with her. Let her know why she's special to you and that you're paying attention to all of the things that make her wonderful.^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.} Don't make her too embarrassed or lay it on too thick; just take a few minutes to make her feel like the special girl that she is.
- You can even gauge her reaction as you're doing this -- if she looks uncomfortable or like she's searching for the nearest exit, then you may not want to proceed. But if she's excited and looks like she wants to hear more, then you may be in luck.
4
Ask her out. Don't spend too much time building up to it. Just tell her that you've really liked being her friend, but that you want to take your relationship to the next level. Make her see that you've really thought about it, and that, though you value your friendship, you're willing to take the risk to take your relationship to the next level. She will be flattered that you like her so much as a friend and that you've put enough thought into it to see that you do want something more from her.^{[10]
X
Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- Just say, "Would you like to be my girlfriend?" Or, "Would you like to go out with me?" You don't have to spend hours building up to this point. When you ask her, look her in the eyes and show her how sincere you are.
- Or, when you are pretty sure she's flirting back, or that she likes you too, lean in really close, and say something along the lines of "I have to tell you something. I think you're beautiful, funny, sweet and honest. I don't want to ruin our friendship. I was just wondering whether you felt the same about me." Be prepared for her answer. Let's just hope she's smiling and saying yes.
- Remember if you come on too strong, then you risk ruining your friendship. Take your time. Timing is everything, and you don't want to rush it.
5
Don't let it ruin your friendship if she's not interested. If she wants to be your girlfriend, then great! You can give her a hug, celebrate, and take her out. But if she doesn't want to go down that path, then try not to be too disappointed. Remind yourself that this may be a blessing in disguise, and that you may be better off continuing a long-lasting friendship than having a short-lived relationship that will leave you feeling awkward and unlikely to be friends again. Sure, you'll need some time to get over your bruised ego, but after a few weeks, you and the girl may naturally fall into friendship again.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How should I tell my friend I like her?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Coach
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. She is the author of “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” and the award-winning and best-selling book “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and is a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Try to be direct and tell her. I would be very honest and say, "Hey, I see some amazing qualities in you." Present your feelings in a way that shows that you two are compatible and that you see possibilities in your relationship. It's worth a try to be courageous.

Warnings

It is incredibly hard to turn friendship with a woman into something romantic. Part of this is based on the fact that women treasure platonic friendships with men because they feel able to raise questions and issues about male things without being judged or taken advantage of. It can also come as a completely disturbing shock that a male friend wants to take things further after months or years of trusting the friendship at the platonic level. Proceed with great caution and be absolutely sure that this is a change you truly want.

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There is always a risk that a friendship will die in the pursuit of turning it romantic. That's a risk you need to weigh up considering the vibes you're receiving, the length of time you've known each other and the realistic nature of turning your friendship into something more intimate. Listen to your gut feelings and watch all the clues from her side with great attentiveness.

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If she is shy, be extra considerate. Don't misinterpret her shyness as a reason for overriding her preferences. If she says she's not interested, respect that.

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Don't be stalkerish, calling at 11 PM just to have an awkward conversation. Respect her privacy. If you want, you can send texts asking her how she is, etc, but don't call unless you have a reason, or if you say "Sorry, I just really wanted to have a chat with you.". That's cute.

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Be careful. In some cases, you might fail to turn the friendship into loving coupledom. However, the two of you may grow close enough to have a sexually convenient relationship known as "friends with benefits". This means that you're not attached romantically but remain friends who occasionally have sex. This can work for some but for many, it can be painful, especially if one partner cares more deeply than the other. It can also turn into a relationship of being used rather than caring for one another.

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Take care not to cross the line when touching her more frequently. Observe the rule of non-sexual touching only, for brief moments and keep it affectionate. It's sexual harassment if she asks you to stop and you don't, or if you touch her in sexually provocative ways without her consent.

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