How to End a Rebound Relationship

Co-authored by Kate Dreyfus and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: December 1, 2021 References

After you go through a particularly tough breakup, it’s natural to seek out someone else to fill that void. However, rebounding too quickly into dating someone else can lead to heartbreak later on, especially if you aren’t over your ex yet. If you’ve realized that you need to end your rebound relationship, read through these tips to let your new partner down as gently as possible.

1

Be honest with yourself.

If you’re not over your ex, you’re probably not ready for a relationship. Rebounds happen, but they aren’t super fair to your new partner. Try to be honest with yourself and recognize that staying single might be the best thing for you right now.^{[1]
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- You might know that you aren’t over your ex if you can’t stop thinking about them or you’re comparing your new partner to your old relationship.
- If you aren’t 100% sure about what you need to do yet, consider talking it through with a friend first.

2

End the relationship as soon as possible.

Don’t drag it out for the sake of your new partner. As soon as you realize you want to break up with them, sit them down for a talk. If they know that you held on out of pity for them, they’ll probably feel even worse.^{[2]
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- Breaking up can be scary, and it’s never fun for anyone. However, out of respect for your partner, you should try to do it quickly.

3

Break up in person.

Avoid breaking the news over text or a phone call. Head to your partner’s house and ask to talk with them privately. That way, you can leave after you two have talked it out to give your ex some space.^{[3]
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- It’s better to break up in a private place than a public one. You and your soon-to-be-ex will probably both express some emotions, and that can be tough to do when you’re surrounded by other people.
- You can start the conversation by saying, “Hey, could we sit down and talk for a minute?”

4

Tell the truth, but be kind.

Let them know that you’re not ready to be in a relationship. Assure your partner that it’s not anything that they did, but you just aren’t ready to date after your breakup. Try not to compare them to your ex or make them feel like the relationship didn’t mean anything.^{[4]
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- You might say something like, “I jumped back into dating too quickly, and I realized I’m not ready for it yet. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with my own feelings.”
- Alternatively, you could say, “I really enjoy your company, I just don’t see this relationship going anywhere. I don't want to waste your time.”

5

Take responsibility.

Let them know that it’s your fault the relationship is ending. You don’t have to beat yourself up about it, but you can tell your ex-partner that you’re the reason you two won’t work out. That way, they might feel slightly better about themselves.^{[5]
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- For instance, you might say, “It’s my fault for trying to be in a relationship so quickly after my last one. I should have given myself more time.”
- If you want to, you could even apologize to soften the blow a bit. Try something like, “I’m sorry if I led you on at all, because that wasn’t my intention.”

6

Answer any questions they have.

They might want to know more about why this is happening.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.} Try to answer their questions as best you can, and reassure them that the breakup isn’t their fault. They might get a little teary or upset, but you should try to stick around just in case they need anything else from you.^{[7]
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- They might ask about your old relationship, if you’re going to date again soon, or if you two can get back together one day. You might want to have some answers prepared ahead of time!

7

Don’t tell them you’re going back to your ex.

It will probably hurt their feelings. If you are planning to pursue your ex again, keep it private and don’t let the person you’re breaking up with know. They could feel like you were just using them as a placeholder until you got back with the person you actually wanted to be with.^{[8]
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- If they ask you directly about going back to your ex, say something like, “That’s not the reason I’m breaking up with you.”

8

Use clear language so there’s no confusion.

Vague language can give your ex false hope.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.} Don’t leave the door open for a potential romance in the future. Tell them that you’re ending the relationship to work on yourself, and that they should try to move on and find someone new.^{[10]
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- They might try to hang onto hope that you'll reconnect after you’ve recovered from your old breakup. If you know that's not in the cards, be sure to say that as plainly as possible.

9

Cut off contact after the breakup.

A clean break helps the other person heal and move on faster. You two can stay friendly and say hello if you bump into each other, but don’t reach out or initiate any contact with them. Let them move on from you on their own terms, and don’t stay in their life to remind them of your breakup.^{[11]
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- If they want to be friends with you, you can hang out with them again after some time. Just make sure you’re clear about keeping things platonic, and don’t lead them on.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you break up in a healthy way?

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

Kate Dreyfus

Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

Expert Answer

Approach the conversation with awareness, intention, and compassionate. Make sure you have a clear understanding about what to share and what not to share during the conversation before speaking with them. There's no need to go over the whole situation or relationship, especially what went wrong or who's at fault.
Question

How do you be strong and not go back to an ex?

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

Kate Dreyfus

Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

Expert Answer

Honor the reasons why you chose to end the relationship in the first place—by doing this, you're building self-trust. If need be, have a conversation with your ex about creating some ground rules to support respecting each other's space.
Question

What does ghosting do to a person?

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

Kate Dreyfus

Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

Expert Answer

Ghosting denies a person of closure, which is an important part of feeling complete and ready to move on. Even if you don't feel like continuing a relationship, it's important the do the right thing and let the other person know.