How to Find a Girlfriend

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: February 10, 2023

No matter what stage of life you’re at, finding a girlfriend can be really hard. Your friends may have no problems finding great girlfriends, but maybe you keep finding yourself on your own. Finding a girlfriend involves getting out into the world, being open to meeting new people, and getting help from friends.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Finding Potential Girlfriends

1
Identify your criteria. Think about the things that you definitely want in a girlfriend. Perhaps you want to find someone who shares your religious views, or someone who definitely wants children. Identify your “must-haves” in a potential girlfriend.
- Think about both major and minor criteria. Someone with the same values and life views as you is probably important. But you might also think about whether you want someone who will run marathons with you, or someone who will binge-watch TV with you, or someone who works in the same industry as you.
- While you may want a girlfriend who you think is extremely physically attractive, avoid putting this at the top of your list. Your relationship should be based on something less superficial than good looks.
2
Get out into the world. Chances are, you’re not going to meet anyone if you stay holed up in your house. Get out of your usual routines and hang out in public places where you might meet new people. Think about visiting these types of places frequently:
- Grocery store
- Bookstore or library
- Coffee shop
- Park
- Hiking trail
- Music shop
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3
Try new activities. If you’re having trouble finding potential women to date, you may need to try something new to open up your circle of acquaintances. Try a new hobby or join a club, such as skiing or hiking.
- Try to have some level of interest in the activity. Don’t just pretend to like an activity because there are lots of girls doing it too. Otherwise, you will start off a potential relationship with falseness.
- If you are in school, try taking a different type of class than what you normally take. Even if you don’t feel like you’re a creative person, you might take art or drama class. You can get to know this girl in one of her favorite classes.
4
Be open to different types of people. You may have a very particular idea about what kind of woman you’re attracted to. But there are all types of people with whom you can become very good friends and potentially romantic partners. Try not to judge a book by its cover.
5
Make friends with women. Expand your social circle by getting more women friends. You may have initially considered a woman as potential girlfriend material but then decided it wouldn’t work out. Don’t immediately write off this person. You two can still be friends. What’s more, she probably has lots of girlfriends.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Asking for Help in Finding a Girlfriend

1
Let people know you’re looking. Many relationships happen because someone told his friends that he’s looking for a relationship. Your friends might know someone who is single and looking, and they might help you make a connection.
2
Join an online dating site. It has become much more common for people to connect with each other via online dating websites like e-Harmony and Match.com. Scope out these sites and join one. Fill out your profile and be open to getting to know other people.
3
Go on blind dates. Your friends and family want to help you be happy. They might set you up on a blind date to meet a girl, which can be uncomfortable. Take a risk, though, by agreeing to the blind date. Think of it as an opportunity to meet someone new and interesting.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Talking With Potential Girlfriends

1
Approach her when and where she feels relaxed. Choose an appropriate time and place to talk with a woman. Grocery stores, museums, coffee shops and dog parks are great places to meet women who are enjoying themselves and usually feeling relaxed.^{[1]
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- When a woman is at a bar or club, she is already on her guard. She may not be looking for a long-term relationship, or she might be out with the girls for the night. The place is not ideal for connecting with someone more than casually.
2
Be friendly and light-hearted. People generally appreciate a good sense of humor. Be friendly and make light-hearted jokes to make the girl laugh.^{[2]
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- The circumstance around you. If you’re at a park or walking down the street and you notice something funny, say something about it.
- Make a joke about yourself. If you’re really tall, talk about how you can see the next city from your viewpoint.
- Tell a funny story about yourself. Did you get into a silly fight in middle school? Tell her about it, and be sure to include the details about the ridiculous clothes you wore at the time or what song you rocked out to right before you got into the fight.
- Talk about current events. Some things that happen in the news or with celebrities can be good material for making jokes.
- These jokes might work well as your personal inside jokes later on.
- Careful not to use crude or offensive humor. Until you know someone very well, this type of humor should be avoided at all costs.
3
Give her a compliment. Show her that you’ve noticed something about her by complimenting her on it. For example, you might tell her:
- ”I really like your hair long like that.”
- “You made some really smart points in the class debate today.”
- ”You’re really easy to talk to.”
4
Call her by name. Once you find out the girl’s name, be sure to use it several times in the conversation. You might want to write it down later to help you remember it.
5
Don’t let the potential for rejection stop you. You might be nervous about talking with a girl because she might reject you. Don’t let fears of rejection prevent you from striking up a conversation. At the very worst, she will ignore you or tell you to go away. But at best, she will return the conversation.
- This also helps demonstrate your confidence. View this as an opportunity for acceptance.
6
Don’t be superficial. When you meet someone new, give her a chance even if she doesn’t immediately fulfill your ideal of the perfect girlfriend. Don’t eliminate someone for silly or superficial reasons.
- Make sure you don’t only compliment this person on her physical appearance. You can tell her that she looks pretty, but make sure you also compliment her on her artistic sense or her ability to weave through rush-hour traffic.
7
Try talking to her more than once. If you like someone but your first conversation didn’t go well, definitely talk with her again. It may be that she was distracted or under a lot of stress when you first met.
- You might need to arrange “accidentally” bumping into her. For example, if you initially met her at the dog park, keep taking your dog there regularly until you see her again.
8
Don’t be creepy or desperate. Don’t make a girl feel uncomfortable by acting possessive, following her around, or trying to talk to her about inappropriate things. Give her some personal space that will set the right tone for a potential relationship.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Improving Yourself

1
Be confident. Having confidence will demonstrate to a potential girlfriend that you consider yourself worthy of knowing. Believe in your abilities, treat others with respect, and carry yourself with confidence.
- Having positive and confident body language will convey to other people that you respect yourself and that you are confident. This type of body language includes making regular eye contact, smiling a lot and acting friendly, and standing up straight.
2
Be yourself. Acknowledge who you are and what you really like. Don’t try to be someone that you’re not. Don’t try to please other people who want you to change. Take pride in your strengths and the qualities that make you unique.
3
Lead a healthy lifestyle. This will show potential girlfriends that you care about yourself enough that you treat your body well. Eat plenty of healthy foods, get enough sleep, and get regular exercise. Cut back on alcohol and stop smoking.
4
Spend time with friends. Don’t dedicate all of your time to finding a girlfriend. Make sure to continue spending time with your friends. It’s important that you keep your own interests in mind as you search for a girlfriend.