How to Get Your Boyfriend to Pay More Attention to You and Not His Friends

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta

Last Updated: February 7, 2022 References Approved

Being in a relationship can be difficult. It can often feel like you're competing with the rest of the world for each other's time. A healthy relationship is about companionship and communication. It could be your boyfriend doesn't think there is a problem, but he could be pulling away due to stress in his life. In either case, it may be time to take control of your relationship and get things back to normal.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Determining the Problem

1
Assess the situation. Ask yourself what could be causing your boyfriend to pull away from you. It could be stress at work, ill-health, anxiety, or family issues.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- The key to solving any problem is understanding the underlying cause. Don't assume he's pulling away because of something you did.
- Don't make it "your fault."
- The hardest thing can be admitting that you aren't happy with an aspect of your relationship. Once you've put your feelings into words, you'll have an easier time opening up to your boyfriend.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Candice Mostisser
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
2
Avoid panicking. Stressing out about the status of your relationship will only make things worse. Stress often comes from assumptions made from incomplete data. If you feel yourself getting worked up, take a few deep breaths to clear your head.^{[3]
X
Research source}

Advertisement
3
Talk with him. The key to any successful relationship is open, honest communication. Try to sit him down and talk with him about how you feel.^{[4]
X
Expert Source

Candice Mostisser
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.} Don't put the pressure on him, or take an aggressive stance. Let him know you want to spend more time with him. Ask him if he needs to let anything off his chest.
- Focus on explaining your side of the situation and how his actions have affected you. Then, mention what you feel could fix the problem.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Candice Mostisser
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
- It can be difficult to talk about how you feel, even with your boyfriend. A big part of being in a relationship is trusting your partner. If you want to make the relationship work, you both have to open up.^{[6]
  X
  Research source}
- Be aware of body language. Are his arms folded? Are yours? Is the tone of the conversation escalating? If you notice these things happening, take a step back. It is possible that one or both of you are not feeling listened to.^{[7]
  X
  Research source}
4
Refresh his memory. You've let your boyfriend know you miss him, but you may need to remind him of what he's missing from you.^{[8]
X
Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.} Physical intimacy is a healthy part of a romantic relationship. You don't have to leap into bed with him, but let him know you enjoy his company.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- Be aware of his boundaries before trying anything intimate. If he's not in the mood for any kind of romancing, don't force it on him.
5
Stop working for him. If you do his laundry, stop. If you always cook dinner, take a night off. Don't be antagonistic towards him, but make him realize how much you do for him. Your time is valuable, don't let him take advantage of it.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- This tactic may cause some tension between the two of you. But, in determining the cause of your problems, this may shed some light on the situation.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Working Together

1
Set a date night.^{[11]
X
Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.} Find a night the two of you can set aside time for each other and stick to it. Hold him accountable for that night every week. You don't have to do anything fancy or expensive, but let him know you want the relationship to be a priority.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- If your schedule is packed, try making time for at least one date night per month.^{[13]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.}
2
Find activities you can enjoy together. Take walks. Go out to eat. Try as many different things as you can until you find a few which you both enjoy. Try thinking back to when you first met him and what activities you did.
- Be creative and try new things to stimulate your relationship.^{[14]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.} Offer to do things you know he will like, and encourage him to do the same for you.^{[15]
  X
  Research source}
3
Laugh. Laughter can help bring people together, especially in a tense situation. When spending time together, try watching a funny movie, or go to a comedy club. You could even try telling jokes to each other. Don't underestimate the power of laughter.^{[16]
X
Research source}
- Another way to start laughter is through tickling. Tickling is a show of affection and a sign of play. It's a great example of the give-and-take in relationships.^{[17]
  X
  Research source}
- Tickling also has the added benefit of triggering sexual excitement in adults.^{[18]
  X
  Research source}
4
Make compromises. Accept that your boyfriend may want to do things you don't enjoy. Be mindful of his needs. If he enjoys watching television, and you enjoy going out, make plans to watch a movie one night and go out the next.
- This also applies to arguments. If you find that a fight is brewing, take time to consider the situation. Don't focus on who will "win" the argument. The goal is to preserve the relationship. Remember the phrase "agree to disagree."
- At the end of the day, your relationship is a partnership. You can't just expect your boyfriend to fix the problem on his own.^{[19]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Candice Mostisser
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
5
Try to be friends with his friends. You don't have to change who you are to fit in, just be cheerful and positive. Likewise, invite your man out to spend time with your friends.
- In doing this, be sure to respect each other's boundaries. Don't assume you will always get invited to hang out with his friends. At the same time, don't feel pressured to invite him everywhere you go.
6
Be respectful. Give your boyfriend space and allow him his independence. Even though the goal here is to get your boyfriend to spend more time with you, do not smother him. This will likely make him pull further away.^{[20]
X
Research source}
- Do not demand change. Be supportive and come to terms with the fact that your boyfriend has other friends.
- Don't play games with him. Don't try to "get him back" by making yourself less available. Instigating drama will only make things worse.^{[21]
  X
  Research source}

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Taking Care of Yourself

1
Stay strong. People love confidence. It is a desirable trait in a mate. While you are dealing with a neglectful partner, don't let it get you down. Treat yourself right and stay confident in who you are.^{[22]
X
Research source}
- If you exude confidence, chances are your partner will take notice and want to spend more time with you.^{[23]
  X
  Research source}
- Wear clothes that make you feel sexy and confident.^{[24]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.} If you've always wondered what you would look like with a new hair color, try dyeing it. Do these things for yourself. It's important that you feel good about you.^{[25]
  X
  Research source}
2
Be independent. When your boyfriend wants to hang out without you, and he will, find fun ways to occupy your time.
- Hang out with your friends, or take up a hobby you've always found interesting.
3
Maintain a healthy lifestyle. Not only will exercise keep you in shape, it will boost your mood and help reduce stress.^{[26]
X
Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- Even if things are going well in your relationship, it is important to take care of your body.
4
Stay positive. The best way to attract people (even your boyfriend) is to make sure you are happy with yourself. A positive attitude is a surefire way to get your boyfriend to notice you. Happiness is contagious.^{[27]
X
Research source}
- Try meditating to help clear your mind and promote a positive attitude.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I get my boyfriend to give me more attention?

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.

Laura Bilotta

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Focus on regaining your confidence! We tend to lose ourselves when we are in relationships. You shouldn't stop trying to impress your significant other, ever. When you're both together, try to remove distractions as much as possible.

Warnings

Don't ignore the possibility that your relationship may be ending. If you feel you've given your best effort to fix things, and problems persist, it may be time to move on. If it is, that's okay. Going through a breakup is difficult, but not impossible.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 163 Not Helpful 26