The Key Differences Between Love & Being in Love

Do you love someone or are you in love?

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and Aly Rusciano

Last Updated: March 1, 2023 References

Key Differences

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What does it mean to love someone?

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What does “being in love” mean?

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What does “falling in love” mean?

You’re hanging out with your best friend, and your chest warms as they laugh—is this because you love them or because you’re in love with them? Love is a complex emotion, and the feelings of “loving” and “being in love” are two different things. One identifies platonic or romantic emotions, while the other is strictly romantic. So, which is which and what are you feeling? Keep reading to find out!

Things You Should Know

Loving someone is a feeling of compassion, care, and respect and can be romantic or platonic.
Being in love is an emotional and romantic infatuation that’s best compared to a crush.
The feeling of loving someone can last forever, whereas being in love is a fleeting feeling that can fade or grow.

Section 1 of 4:

Key Differences

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Being in love is romantic, whereas loving someone can be platonic. Generally, when you’re “in love” with someone, you think about them romantically. This is why the phrase is most commonly used to discuss crushes or engaged couples. Loving someone, on the other hand, can be a romantic or platonic connection.
- As a rule of thumb, you’re in love with someone if you have uncontrollable romantic feelings toward them and love someone if you admire and care for them.
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Loving someone can happen over time, while being in love is sudden. One of the many beautiful things about love is that it’s ever-changing. For instance, you can grow to love a friend as you get to know them. Being in love, on the other hand, typically comes with a sudden whirlwind of emotions.

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Loving someone is a secure feeling, while being in love isn’t. Everything is new and exciting when you’re in love, and these raw emotions can be a bit terrifying. The relationship is just starting to bloom, and a fear of failure comes with that. Meanwhile, when you love someone, you’re comfortable around them and feel safe. There’s not a question of, “What if?”
- Your feelings can be a bit wishy-washy when you’re in love, and that’s okay! Being in a new relationship and exploring your emotions is an adventure.
4
It’s easier to accept quirks and change when you love someone. Every relationship has quirks, and life is full of ups and downs. When you love someone unconditionally, it’s second nature to accept them as they are no matter what and make changes as a couple. Meanwhile, it can be easier to dissect negative traits and discourage changes when you're in love.
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Loving someone is usually longer-lasting than being in love. The feeling of “being in love” is exhilarating and full of fantasies. On the other hand, loving someone is a basis of mutual respect and care.^{[1]
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Research source} There are always risks of heartbreak with love (of any kind), but it’s easier to pick up the pieces when you love someone platonically.
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It’s easier to set boundaries when you love someone. When you’re in love with someone, there’s typically a sense of ownership over that person. This isn’t to say you want to control their every move, but you feel more attached to them. Meanwhile, when you love someone, there’s a bit more trust and respect between either party.
- Being in love is usually the first stage of a romantic relationship, so it’s often easier to be jealous (especially if someone else likes them the way you do).
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You find it easier to prioritize someone you love. This person means a lot to you, but where your priorities lie depends on the stage of your relationship. Typically, when you love someone, you respect them unconditionally.^{[2]
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Research source} On the other hand, being in love is often a whirlwind of desire, and it can be easy to get caught up in your own emotions and desires.
- In other words, loving someone means putting their needs above your own, while being in love puts your needs above theirs.
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You focus on how someone else makes you feel when you’re in love. Relationships are two-sided, but when you’re in love with someone, you tend to dwell more on how they make you feel rather than how you make them feel. This is a normal response, especially as you explore a romantic relationship. If you’re going to grow to love this person unconditionally, they should make you happy.
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Agreeing to disagree is easier when you love someone. When it comes to disagreements, you may find it easier to open up to someone you love rather than someone you’re in love with. That’s because you feel accepted by the person you love. You can share your point of view and make decisions together as a team, even if that means agreeing to disagree.
- Feeling respected and heard is certainly possible when you’re in love, and it might be a sign that you love them.

Section 2 of 4:

What does it mean to love someone?

When you love someone, you care deeply for them. This feeling can be romantic or platonic. Loving someone is all about having strong emotions and feelings of admiration. You may feel close to this person emotionally, as if you could share everything and anything with them.^{[3]
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- Think of it this way: loving someone means you wouldn’t want to experience life without them.
- Now, everyone’s definition of “loving someone” can be different, as “love” can mean many things to different people.

Section 3 of 4:

What does “being in love” mean?

When you’re “in love,” you’re emotionally infatuated with someone. You think about this person romantically 99% of the time—you wouldn’t want to be with anyone but them. All in all, you’re obsessed with this person—head-over-heels for them—and want to start or continue having a romantic relationship with them.
- Everyone describes “being in love” differently because love is an individualized and complicated emotion.
- For instance, “being in love” can be like the first warm spring day after a brutal winter or like being lost in the right direction.^{[4]
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Section 4 of 4:

What does “falling in love” mean?

When you “fall in love,” you’ve started to get romantic feelings about someone. This stage of love can come before or after you love someone, but must occur before you’re “in love.” Generally, this phrase can be categorized as a crush. You’re constantly thinking about them and may act differently around them. If they make your heart flutter, you’re probably falling in love!^{[5]
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- The feeling of falling in love is often associated with nerves, sweaty palms, a racing heart, and positivity.^{[6]
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