When you get dumped unexpectedly, it can feel like a punch to the gut. With all of these emotions and negative feelings brewing, moving on might seem like a faraway goal. Thankfully, there are concrete steps you can take right now to improve your mental health and start the healing process. Read through this article to lift yourself up after a breakup and start on the road forward again.

This article is based on an interview with our clinical psychologist, Lena Dicken. Check out the full interview here.

1

Go no contact with your ex.

  1. Not talking to her will help you move on faster. It can be tough to break contact with someone you were in a relationship with, but it’s the best thing you can do for your mental health. Don’t call, text, or message her if you can help it—otherwise, it could delay your healing process.[1]
    • Even if you want to continue the relationship, you need to respect her wishes. Begging and pleading with her probably won’t work, and you’ll only make it harder for yourself to move on.
    • You might want to block her number or unfollow her on social media, at least for a little while. That way, you won’t be tempted to reach out.
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2

Feel all of your feelings.

4

Don’t blame yourself.

  1. Dumping you means that your girlfriend wasn’t willing to work things out. Relationships take two people to make them work. If your girlfriend wasn’t willing to work things out with you, that’s not your fault. Often, we think that if we had just been a better partner or paid a little more attention, we wouldn’t have gotten broken up with. However, that’s rarely the case—if you were blindsided by this decision, there’s probably nothing you could have done to prevent it.[5]
    • Try reframing any self-blaming thoughts that you have. For instance, instead of thinking, “I wish I had been a better partner,” try, “I was the best partner I could have been. We broke up because we weren’t meant to be together.”
9

Treat yourself with kindness.

  1. Talk to yourself like you’d talk to a best friend. After a breakup, it’s easy to get down on ourselves or think that we aren’t worthy of love. Keep in mind that getting broken up with doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it just means that you two weren’t right for each other.[10]
    • For instance, you wouldn’t tell a friend, “You’re not good enough.” Instead, you’d tell them, “This doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of love. It just means that there’s someone else out there for you.”
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10

Spend time with people that care about you.

11

Try not to cope with alcohol.

  1. While it might seem like a good idea, alcohol can prolong heartbreak. Stuffing down your feelings with alcohol could prevent you from moving on. Try not to use alcohol instead of dealing with your feelings, since you’ll have to confront them sooner or later.[12]
    • Getting drunk also lowers your inhibitions, which could lead to you reaching out to your ex (which is the last thing you want to do right now).
    • Stay away from drugs or other negative coping mechanisms, like sleeping too much or trying dangerous activities.
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References

  1. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/grieving-after-a-break-up-6-strategies-to-help-you-heal/
  2. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
  3. Lena Dicken, Psy.D. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 December 2020.
  4. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-grieve/201206/bad-breakup-how-get-beyond-closure
  5. Lena Dicken, Psy.D. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 December 2020.
  6. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
  7. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-grieve/201206/bad-breakup-how-get-beyond-closure
  8. Lena Dicken, Psy.D. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 December 2020.
  9. Lena Dicken, Psy.D. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 December 2020.

About This Article

Lena Dicken, Psy.D
Written by:
Clinical Psychologist
This article was written by Lena Dicken, Psy.D and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Dr. Lena Dicken is a Clinical Psychologist based in Santa Monica, California. With over eight years of experience, Dr. Dicken specializes in therapy for anxiety, depression, life transitions, and relationship difficulties. She utilizes an integrative approach combining Psychodynamic, Cognitive Behavioral, and Mindfulness-based therapies. Dr. Dicken holds a BS in Integrative Medicine from the University of Hawaii at Manoa, an MA in Counseling Psychology from Argosy University Los Angeles, and a Doctor of Psychology (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology at Westwood. Dr. Dicken’s work has been featured in GOOP, The Chalkboard Magazine, and in numerous other articles and podcasts. She is a licensed psychologist with the state of California. This article has been viewed 14,987 times.
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Co-authors: 7
Updated: May 21, 2022
Views: 14,987
Categories: Breaking Up
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