How to Text a Girl You Barely Know

Co-authored by Imad Jbara and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: August 20, 2022 References

So you met an amazing girl and she's given you her number, but now the ball's in your court. When you don't know a lot about her, it can be a little overwhelming trying to figure out how to make a good impression over text. If you're wondering what to say to kickstart your conversation, we've got you covered. Keep reading for a ton of helpful tips and examples on how to keep her interested!

1

Introduce yourself.

Remind her of how you know each other in case she forgot. Since you haven’t had much of a connection yet, it never hurts to let a girl know who you are in your first text. Try to send a message within the first day or two after meeting her or getting her number so you’re still fresh in her memory.
- You might say something like, “Hey, this is Dan! We were hanging out at Jen’s party last night. How are you?”
- You could also try, “Hi Kathy, it’s Harold. I’m so happy Frank introduced us to each other this weekend.”

2

Text her for a reason.

Having a goal for the conversation keeps it from going stale. Every message you send should be for getting to know her better or setting up a date.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} If you’re texting without a purpose, then your conversation may feel a little dull and unexciting. Even though you might be really excited just to say hey, wait until you think of something else you can say to her to spark her interest.

3

Ask her about her day.

Find out what she’s been up to start some casual small talk. This usually works best if the girl you’re chatting with knows who you are so it doesn’t seem like you’re randomly messaging her. Reach out in the afternoon or evening when she’s available and ask how she’s doing. Follow up with a few more questions as you learn more about her day to keep your conversation alive.^{[2]
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- You could say, “I’ve been crazy busy today. Anything exciting happened to you yet?”
- You may also send, “How has your day been? It’s been sooo relaxing for me haha.”

4

Send her open-ended questions.

Ask questions that require a longer response to learn more about her. Open-ended questions usually start with “why” or “how” and need an answer that’s longer than one word. Try to ask the girl some personal questions that help you get to know her better. Even though it may feel a little awkward at first, you’ll quickly start to feel comfortable having a deeper conversation.^{[3]
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Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
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- You might try asking things like, “What are your favorite bands?” or, “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”
- You could also ask, “How would you describe your perfect day?” or, “How did you like growing up in your hometown?”
- You could also ask some fun “would you rather” icebreaker questions. You might ask something like, “Would you rather eat the same meal every day or never eat the same meal twice?”

5

Talk about a shared interest.

You build a stronger bond by discussing the things you both love. If you know how the girl you’re chatting with likes to spend her free time, bring it up when you’re texting her. Be sure to mention some of the things you enjoy too so you can find something that you have in common. She’ll love that you’re showing some interest in her hobbies, and it gives her a chance to nerd out and chat about it.
- You could say something like, “The Hunger Games are my favorite books too! What’s your favorite part of the trilogy?”
- You might also say, “It’s been so long since I played soccer haha. How long have you been playing?”

6

Give her a compliment.

Girls love hearing about what qualities about them you appreciate. If you’re into the girl and want to get on her good side, say something nice that you’ve noticed about her. It could be about her looks, her personality, or whatever else you admire.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Just be careful not to come on too strong if you don’t know each other very well since it might make her feel a little uncomfortable.^{[5]
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- You could say, “I saw your latest Insta post and your hair looks amazing!” or, “Wow, your outfit is 🔥🔥🔥.”
- You might also say, “Hahaha you’re SO funny 😊” or, “Are you a writer?? You have such a great way with words!”

7

Tease her playfully.

Poking a little fun keeps the conversation light and goofy. Every girl loves someone with a sense of humor, so try to show it off. Crack a joke about something she’s said or be a little sarcastic in your replies to take the edge off of the conversation. Reread your text before you send it to make sure it doesn’t sound mean or insulting.
- You could say something like, “Oh, you think you could take me on in arm wrestling? Try me 😉” or, “LOL are you suuure that’s what you meant?”

8

Send exciting pictures of what you’re doing.

Show off what you’re doing if you want to try and impress her. Give the girl a peek into your life so she feels a better connection with you. Snap a quick pic of where you are, what you’re doing, or even what you’re wearing and forward it to her. Write a short and flirty caption so she has a little more to work with when she replies.^{[6]
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- For example, you could send a picture of the sunset and say something like, “This looks so amazing in person, I wish you could be here!”
- You could also try sending a cute selfie and saying, “Just got this new outfit! What do you think?”

9

Stay positive in your messages.

Save serious conversations for chatting on the phone or in person. Texting should be a place where you can have fun and get to know each other better, so stay upbeat when you message her.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Use some emojis, spell out when you’re laughing, and talk about positive topics so you’re both excited to keep the conversation going. If you’re not in a good mood right now, just wait a little while to cheer up before you reply.^{[8]
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10

Match her texting style and speed.

You don’t want to overwhelm her with texts. Rather than sending a girl a wall of texts, look back through your conversation to see when she replies and how long her responses are. When she eventually replies, wait about the same amount of time before sending your message so it doesn’t seem like you were waiting for her. Try to make your text about the same length as hers so you put the same amount of effort into your conversation.
- You may have heard of waiting a few days to reply to make a girl want you more. However, this might make it look like you’re trying to play games with her head and could make her lose interest.

11

Set up a time to hang out in person.

Take your relationship to the next level by spending time together. Wait until you’ve chatted for a little while so it doesn’t seem like you’re asking her out of the blue. Let her know that you’re interested and see if she wants to meet up. You could keep it as a casual hangout to test out your chemistry, or you can ask if she wants to go on a real date if you want to be more romantic.
- You could say, “I’ve had such a fun time chatting with you. Would you wanna get together this weekend and hang out for a bit?”
- You may also say, “I feel like there might be something between us. Do you want to go out with me and grab dinner this weekend?”

12

End the conversation politely.

Let her know when you need to go so she doesn’t think you disappeared. If you’re running out of things to talk about in your conversation, don’t be afraid to say goodbye and pick up your convo later on. Let her know that you’re not going to be available and that you’ll chat with her later. She may even start miss talking to you and send you the first message next time!^{[9]
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- You could say something like, “I’m going to go to bed now, but I’ll talk to you tomorrow! Good night 😊.”
- You may text her, “I’m a little busy now, so I’m gonna head out. So nice talking to you! Let’s chat again soon!”

13

Back off if she doesn’t seem interested.

Short texts or no reply at all are signs she doesn’t want to talk. She may even ask you directly to stop texting her to let you know how she feels. It can be a bummer reading that text, but be respectful of her and give her some space. There are a ton of other people you can talk to in the meantime.
- Even though it might be tempting to reach out to her again, try finding another activity or talking to a friend to distract you. If she wants to talk again, she’ll reach out to you.

Expert Q&A

Question

Initially, what should be the purpose of texting?

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.

Imad Jbara

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Initially, the purpose of texting should be to set up a date or a phone call with the other person.
Question

What sort of compliments can I give a girl over text?

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.

Imad Jbara

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Besides complimenting her looks, you can praise her for being intelligent, exciting, spontaneous, or adventurous.