How to Turn Infatuation Into Love

Co-authored by Nicole Moore and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: June 13, 2022 References

Getting into a new relationship often brings about feelings of intense happiness and joy. However, those first few months are often infatuation, and not actual true love. If you recognize that you’re infatuated or obsessed with your partner, it’s okay! There are ways you can turn your relationship into a deeper one and fall in love with each other over time.

1

Accept your partner, flaws and all.

You can’t change your partner, and that’s okay. True love means acknowledging that your partner has flaws, just like you do. Don’t try to change your partner, and try to love them for who they are right now.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- If you’re having trouble doing that, remind yourself that you have flaws, too.

2

Talk about the future with your partner.

Discuss what you both want in life and if those things align. You can talk about marriage, kids, where you want to live, and what you’d like to do for work. Discussions like these will help base your relationship in reality rather than fantasy, which is where infatuation tends to happen.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- Your goals for the future don’t have to align exactly, but they should at least be compatible. For instance, if you want to live in a new country for a year and your partner loves traveling, you might compromise and just take a 6-month long trip somewhere.

3

Communicate about any issues.

Healthy relationships thrive on open communication. If you and your partner are having any problems, bring them up right away so you two can work them out. Don’t push them down or just hope they’ll go away, since that rarely works out.^{[3]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- You can bring up issues to your partner by saying something like, “Hey, could we chat for a minute? I just wanted to bring something up so we can talk about it together.”

4

Bond over your shared interests.

What do you and your partner like to do together? Hanging out at home and watching TV is fine, but it’s important to find a few activities that you like doing with each other. If you can’t think of anything right off the bat, try new things with your partner until you eventually find something you both like.^{[4]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- For instance, maybe you both like getting out into nature. You could try hiking together once a week to strengthen your connection.
- If you don’t share any interests at all, try joining a club or a meetup group nearby for a new hobby, like cycling or playing board games.

5

Get to know your partner on a deeper level.

Ask them questions about their hopes, dreams, and goals. Figure out who they are as a person, not just at surface level. The more you get to know them, more you’ll be able to fall in love. Good questions to ask include:^{[5]
X
Research source}
- “Who are you closest to in your family?”
- “What’s a happy memory from your childhood?”
- “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”
- “What’s your biggest goal in life?”

6

Hold off on making any big decisions together.

Marriage, having kids, and moving in together can wait. Try not to make any decisions like this until you’re certain that you’re in love with your partner. It’s fine to talk about these things for the future, but you don’t want to rush into anything at this point.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- If you’ve already made a big decision with your partner, that’s okay. Hold off on making any more until you turn your infatuation into love.

7

Tell your friends and family about your partner.

Invite your partner into your life by sharing them with your loved ones. If you haven’t already, let the people closest to you know that you’re in a relationship with a cool new person. Show them pictures of your partner and tell them about who you’re dating so they can congratulate you.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- When you feel ready, you can introduce your partner to your friends and family members.

8

Become part of your partner’s life.

Meet their friends and spend time together out of the house. Make it a priority to integrate your life with theirs, not make a separate one. The more you can base your relationship in reality, the better chance of success you two will have.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- For instance, you might join your partner on a night out with their friends so you can meet the people they spend time with.
- Or, you might bring them coffee at work so you can visit their office.

9

Commit to each other publicly.

Make things official so your relationship feels real. Delete your dating apps and mark yourself as “in a relationship” online. The more you claim your relationship status, the more in love you’ll feel with your partner.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- If you haven’t defined your relationship with your partner, do that right away. Try to get on the same page about what you’re doing as soon as possible to avoid any hurt feelings down the line.

10

Hold onto your hopes, dreams, and goals.

Don’t give up what you want for the sake of your new partner. If your goals don’t align with each other’s, it might mean you aren’t a good fit. Keep working toward what you want in your life, and make sure you support your partner’s goals, too.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- For example, if you want to settle down and have a family but your partner wants to travel the world, you might need to talk to them about what you both want and if you can compromise.
- If you give up your dreams for your partner, it may cause resentment down the line.

11

Maintain your friendships.

It’s easy to ignore your friends when you get into a new relationship. Remember to call and text your friends often, and try to hang out with them, too. It’s fine to spend time with your partner, but everyone needs some alone time with their friends.^{[11]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- If you’re heading to a group gathering, invite your partner along! Your friends will probably be happy to meet them.

12

Discuss your compatibility with your partner.

1
Does your partner bring out the best in you? And on the flip side, do you bring out the best in your partner? If you two don’t get along well or you tend to argue over the small stuff, your infatuation might never turn into love. Try to look objectively at your relationship, and pick out any red flags you might have missed at the beginning.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- Infatuation tends to blind us to any negative traits our partner might have. As your infatuation starts to fade, you might notice more things about them that you didn’t before.
- When you have infatuation, you have a lot of feelings for someone without having much information about them.^{[13]
  X
  Research source}
2
Your feelings can change very quickly. If the person does not respond to you the way you want, you may start hating them.
- But when you love someone, you build positive feelings towards them over time.^{[14]
  X
  Research source}
- You might realize that you and your partner just aren’t meant for each other, and that’s okay. If that’s the case, talk to them about it and consider ending the relationship.