How to Ask a Female Friend out on a Date

Co-authored by Lisa Shield and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: October 22, 2020 References

Crushing on your friend is both exhilarating and stressful. You probably get to spend a lot of time with her, but you’re tired of being “just friends.” Fortunately, your friendship with her could give you an advantage when it comes to asking her out. Hopefully, she’ll realize how perfect you could be together!

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Gauging Her Interest

1
Watch her body language to see if she likes you more than friends. Observe how she acts when you're hanging out with her. Try to get some one-on-one time with her to see how she reacts to you. Watch for the following signs that she likes you:^{[1]
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- She makes prolonged eye contact with you.
- She casually touches you more than your other friends.
- She mirrors your body language when you’re together.
- She leans toward you when you’re talking to each other.
- She removes barriers, like pillows or armrests, from between you.
2
Compliment her outfit or accomplishments and see how she reacts. A casual compliment can be easily brushed off as a friendly gesture if she’s not into you, so it’s a fairly safe way to test the attraction between you. If she likes you back, she may act excited about your compliment or could flirt with you a bit. Check out her outfit or talk to her about what’s going on in her life. Then, give her a nice compliment.^{[2]
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- You might say, “That’s a great top!” “You’re so funny!” “Wow! Congrats on the promotion!” or “Let’s do karaoke this weekend. You have a great voice!”
- A positive reaction might be a big smile, blushing in her cheeks, or a returned compliment. If she looks down or brushes you off, it's possible she's not into you.
- Try to sift through any light-hearted but meaningless back and forths to get a gauge on what activities she's interested in too, for potential date ideas.^{[3]
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  Cristina Morara
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
- It’s best to avoid talking about her physical features, such as her body type. If she’s not into you, this can make her uncomfortable.^{[4]
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  Imad Jbara
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
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3
Ask your mutual friends what they think. Talking to your friends can be risky, as one of them could blab to your friend that you like her. Pick a friend or 2 who you trust to keep your secret. Find out if they think she’ll say “yes” and if they have any suggestions for impressing her.^{[5]
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- You could say, “Hey, do you know if Molly has any crushes right now? Do you think she might be into me?” or “I’m thinking about asking Molly out. Do you think she’ll say yes? What should I ask her to do?”
4
Bring up the topic of dating in a hypothetical way to see how she reacts. Ask her what she thinks about you two as a couple. This might take some nerves because she’ll probably realize that you’re into her. However, you’ll be able to easily gauge her interest in you once you know her answer, so be brave!^{[6]
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- You might ask something like, “Have you ever thought of us dating?” or “Do you think we'd make a good couple?”
5
Be sure about your feelings for her before you ask. Dating your friend can put you on the fast track to a great relationship. On the other hand, you might lose a friend if you have a messy breakup. Only ask her out if you’re confident your feelings for her are real.^{[7]
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- Consider how often you get interested in other people. If you have a lot of crushes, it might be best to hold off on asking. But if you think she’s the one for you, it’s time to ask for that date!

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Inviting Her on a Date

1
Wait until a private, calm moment to ask. You’re probably eager to start planning your date, so you’re likely already searching for the perfect moment. Make sure she’s single and ready to date before you ask. Then, pick a time when you two are alone and relaxed so she can focus on you. If you decide to ask in a text, make sure she’s hanging around at home when you ask so she won’t be stressed or distracted.^{[8]
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- For instance, you might ask her while you’re hanging out after school or during a study session.
- She might get nervous if other people are around. Similarly, she may not respond right away if she’s busy, which can make you feel super nervous.
2
Dress your best to ask her out in person. You don’t need to wear a suit or fancy dress to ask her out. Instead, pick an outfit that makes you feel and look your best. Since you’re friends, she’ll likely notice that you took a little extra time on your appearance that day.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.}
- Don’t worry about pretending to be someone you’re not. Wear your regular clothes, but pick your nicest outfit.
3
Ask in a text if you’re too nervous to ask in person. Asking someone out is always super hard, but you might be extra anxious since she’s your friend. It’s totally okay if you don’t want to ask her out in person. Instead, ask from behind the safety of your screen.^{[10]
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- Message her something like, “Hey, I’ve noticed a special connection between us. I was hoping you’d be open to going on a date with me. How about roller skating next Friday?” or “You’re a great friend, but I think you’d make an even better girlfriend. I’d like to take you on a dinner date this weekend. Are you in?”
- If she's really into vegan food, you could say something like "There's this eally cool vegan restaurant that just opened up on Abbot Kinney, I'd love to take you there, would you like to go on Friday night, seven o'clock? "^{[11]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Cristina Morara
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
4
Tell her that you're asking her on a date. Since she’s already your friend, she may mistake you asking her out as a friendly meetup. Make sure you tell her specifically that you’re asking her on a date. This way you won’t have any accidental misunderstandings.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- Don’t say, “Want to hang out this weekend?” or “Hey, that band we both like is playing Tuesday. Want to go together?” This sends “friend” signals. Instead, say, “Will you be my date to the concert this weekend?”
- Women appreciate when men are bold and clear, so avoid half-baked questions that could be interpreted platonically like "Hey, do you feel like hanging out?"^{[13]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Cristina Morara
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
5
Give her an easy out so she doesn’t feel pressured. Hopefully, she’ll be just as into you and will say “yes.” Just in case she’d rather stay friends, tell her you value her friendship over everything and make it clear you’ll be okay if she says “no.” If she’s not ready to take things to the next level, you’ll still be able to continue your friendship.^{[14]
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- You might say, “There’s no pressure. You’re a great friend, and I don’t want to lose you.”
- She might be worried about your friendship, so tell her that you enjoy being her friend and that you want to stay friends no matter what.
6
Accept a “no” with respect so your friendship can continue. She may not be ready for a relationship with you right now, and that’s okay. Try not to take it as a rejection. Obviously she likes and cares about you because you’re friends, so focus on that. Tell her that you understand and still want to be her friend.^{[15]
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- You might say, “No worries. I hope this won’t make things weird between us,” or “I totally understand. I’m just happy to be your friend.”
- If she seems upset or pulls away from you, go ahead and give her space. You might text her something like, "I'm sorry I made things weird. I'm going to give you some space, but I hope we can be friends again. When you're ready to hang out again, please reach out."

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Planning a Fun First Date

1
Ask her to get coffee, dinner, or dessert for a traditional first date. You don’t have to plan anything crazy for your first date. Take the pressure off and stick with the classics. Buy her coffee and chat at a local coffee house, or go to a restaurant you both love. You could also go out for ice cream, frozen yogurt, or baked treats.^{[16]
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- Going on a traditional date might help you both feel like you’re on a “real” date and not just hanging out as friends.
2
Enjoy a picnic in the park if you're both into nature. A picnic can be really romantic and sweet, so it’s a perfect first date. Pack a basket or tote bag with foods you can eat on the go. Additionally, bring a bottle of water, lemonade, or wine. In the park, lay out a blanket or sit at a picnic table.^{[17]
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- You could also have a picnic in your backyard if that’s easier.
3
Play board games together for a fun, interactive date. You can play board games anywhere, so this is a really flexible date idea. Plan a game night at home or take your games to the park or a cafe. You might even go to a board game coffee or tea shop.^{[18]
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- Some popular 2-player games include Scrabble, Yahtzee, Codenames: Duet, Ticket to Ride, Pandemic, Hive, In a Pickle, and Archaeology: The New Expedition.
4
Visit a museum and chat about the exhibits if she's into art or learning. Museums are a great date idea because they give you something to discuss. You guys already know each other, so you may struggle to figure out what to talk about at first. Look up the hours and ticket prices for your local art, science, or historical museum.^{[19]
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- Pick the museum you think she’ll like best. You could also just ask her, “Hey, would you rather go to the art museum or the science museum?”
5
Get tickets to a performance or event and offer her the extra one. You might go this route if you want an easier way to ask her out. Buy tickets to an event you really want to attend that you think she’d enjoy, too. For instance, you could get concert tickets, sports tickets, movie tickets, or festival tickets. Then, tell her you have 2 tickets and would love to have her as your date.^{[20]
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- Say, “I got 2 tickets for that concert we were talking about. I was hoping you’d be my date.”
- You could also get tickets to a sports event, movie, or something similar.
6
Plan a creative date if you're both artsy types. Choose a creative activity that you both enjoy. Don't just limit yourself to art events. You can also make something together.^{[21]
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- Attend an art opening if you like visual art.
- Go to karaoke if you both enjoy music.
- Attend a poetry reading if you’re writers or enjoy performance art.
- Go to a one-night art class at a local studio if you both enjoy painting.

Get More Dates with this Expert Series for Men

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1

Look Attractive (Guys)

2

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3

Ask a Girl Out

4

Impress a Girl on a Date

5

Ask a Girl for a Kiss

6

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Expert Q&A
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Question

How can I ask my friend out on a date?

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.

Imad Jbara

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

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Start by giving them a compliment so they know that you're interested in them. You can even try brushing up against them to lightly touch them. Build up your confidence and just ask them directly if they want to go out sometime.
Question

What should I plan for a first date with my friend?

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.

Lisa Shield

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

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Try to find a fun activity where you can talk and get to know each other. You can get a cup of coffee and then walk through the neighborhood or visit a museum.

Warnings

Be prepared for rejection. Just remember it happens to everyone, and she probably feels bad about turning you down.

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Never lead her on. Tactfully tell her right away if you find you are no longer interested in her. If you do lead her on, girls are pretty good about guessing. It will not go smoothly if she does find out that you were leading her on (and odds are that she will).^{[26]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.}

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