How to Be a Good Housewife

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: March 24, 2023 References Approved

Are you a new housewife or are you just looking to really step up your game? Either way, this article will give you some great ideas for creating the perfect home and maintaining a healthy relationship with your family, whether that's just your partner or your partner and your children.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Running Your Home

1
Cook (healthy) meals. Try to make healthy meals, to keep your whole family feeling their best, as well as keeping yourself healthy and strong (so you can deal with all the challenges in your day!). If you don't know how to cook, try to learn!
- Plan ahead, with the aim to have a delicious meal on the table when anyone who needs a meal gets home. It is often said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and it is absolutely true in many cases. Microwave meals are not always suitable cuisine, so find a recipe book you like and start experimenting.^{[1]
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- Having a great meal ready is a good way to let anyone know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about their welfare. A good meal can be an expression of love and a warm welcome for the returning household.
2
Keep the house as clean as you can. Do your best to make your home a clean and pleasant place to live in. Having a clean house can reduce everybody's stress and make things run much smoother. Prevent the constant search for the misplaced keys and the annoying dirty-dish odor by staying on top of the household chores.

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3
Do the laundry. Laundry is stressful and time consuming, plus leaving it around can make your home stinky! If you want to reduce your household's stress, help out by keeping the whole family's clothing clean. With some careful planning, you can easily fit it into your day. You can even get the kids to help you fold!
4
Have a schedule. You are like a general and your family are your troops. You have to keep everything running smoothly! Create schedules for cleaning and how you'll get through your days, in order to help everything run better.^{[2]
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Research source} Scheduling time is a great way to make sure more gets done in your day, since you'll find yourself wasting much less time!
5
Wake up early. Get a head start on your day to make everything go more smoothly. Oversleeping will only make you more tired anyway. Getting up earlier will make sure you get everyone's lunches made and everyone dressed and ready to go without all the stress and scrambling to find that missing backpack.
6
Create a healthy environment. Everyone in your family should come home to a healthy, empowering, uplifting environment. Do your best to make sure that everyone's spiritual and emotional needs are being met, including your own, to make your home the best home it can be.^{[3]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Maintaining Your Relationship

1
Discuss expectations with your partner. Discuss realistic expectations, and how to meet them as best as you can. Do not presume that you have the same expectations because you may find out the hard way (through arguments) that you don't. Sit down and talk it over.^{[4]
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- The definition of a good housewife depends on which house you live in. It is also very culture-dependent.
- What are the things your partner is hoping you will keep up with in the home? What are their responsibilities in the home? If you are primarily responsible for keeping the house clean, your partner may take responsibility for cleaning up after him or herself: putting dirty laundry in the hamper, putting dishes in the dishwasher, etc.
- If you are also caring for young children or special needs children or adults during the day, you may be surprised by how difficult it is to also keep up with household tasks. Your partner may need to help significantly with the cooking and cleaning, if possible.
2
Maintain a respectable appearance. It is all too easy to stop paying attention to your appearance when you are a busy housewife but maintaining attraction is a key element of a long-term relationship. While it was important to keep a good appearance during dating/courtship, it is even more important in a married relationship, or any committed relationship. Make sure you're bathing regularly and wearing clean clothes. This is really about showing your partner that you still respect yourself....and you should respect yourself enough to take care of yourself!
- If your partner often tells you they like it when you wear a certain garment or outfit, by all means, take the hint.
3
Treat your partner as a partner, like an adult, not a child. It is important for your partner to still have control over their personal situations, like choosing their hobbies, their meals, their clothes, etc. When you are home a lot, it can be easy to want to take control of everything your partner does in the home, but this may not be their preference. It's all right if you want to give your input in a polite way, and of course fine if they asked you. Otherwise, let them have space, just as you want yours. You are two separate human beings, always remember that.^{[5]
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4
Listen. A good partner listens to what her spouse has to say without interrupting. Show empathy and learn how to have great conversations. The key idea is that to be a good conversationalist, you should strive to listen more and talk less, by engaging the other person to talk more about his interests. That is the mark of humility, respect, selflessness, and generosity.
- This will also set a good example and they should also listen to you more!
5
Find a balance in arguments. Husbands are not tyrannic creatures: if you find a balance in arguments, and take turns to speak, things will surely improve. Just remember to respect each other, and things will go much better.
- Some arguing is normal. Don't worry if this happens. You are different people and you will disagree sometimes! Just handle the arguments in a healthy way and everything will be okay.^{[6]
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6
Love your spouse for who he is. Don't criticize him in a constructive or cruel way. Whatever your image of the 'ideal' man may be, everyone is unique in his own ways, so try to respect that. Before you try to improve others, try to improve yourself first. If you find things disagreeable about him, let him know in a mature, sensible and loving way: chances are that he will agree on some things and/or explain others, plus it will build trust between both of you and save unnecessary conflicts.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Going the Extra Mile

1
Make intimacy a priority. A healthy sexual relationship is extremely important for relationships to succeed long term. This does not necessarily mean having a lot of sex, but instead means that both partners should be satisfied with the amount and quality. Talk out your expectations and become a better lover if you can. It never hurts, and will only help to learn more about the sexual side of marriage.
2
Be considerate of your spouse's needs. People need space and alone time every now and again. While you have time to yourself during the day (while the kids are at school or asleep), your husband doesn't have that and may need some alone time to unwind when he comes home from a hard day at work. Be available to spend time with him and comfort him, but if he wants to spend time alone or with his friends and not you, take a step back and let him have his way.
- Help him unwind more by welcoming him home with a big smile and allowing him to relax. Have his favorite meal and drink ready, and let him relax after a tough day of work.
3
Set up activities for your kids. Set up fun, educational activities for your kids or for the whole family. You can do some research and then do a guided tour of a museum, or you can go on a hike and teach everyone about the natural features you encounter.
4
Be a great hostess. Show everyone you know all of the hard work you do by hosting block parties or holiday parties every now and again. Make some great food, decorate your home, and set up fun activities. This will let everyone bond and have a great time!
5
Create the perfect atmosphere. If you really want to go above and beyond, take your home decorating skills up a notch and try to get that magazine look in your own home. This will give you and your husband something to be proud of, as well as creating a great environment for your kids.
6
Get your husband out of the house. Help your husband arrange activities for himself, like a fantasy football group or a bowling night. This will help him unwind. A happy husband makes for a much less stressed wife. Let him choose his own activities, of course, but make sure he knows that you think it's healthy for him to get out of the house sometimes. Not everything is about work!

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Keeping Your Spirit Up

1
Get out of the house regularly. It is easy to get caught up in your work and barely leave the house all day. This is a good recipe for the blues. Find some weekly activities (local libraries are a good place to look) that will get you out of the house at least once a day. If the afternoon rolls around and you realize you have not been out, go for a stroll, hang out at a bookstore or coffee shop for a half hour, or call a buddy and meet for tea.
2
Have friends. It seems pretty basic, right? But housewives can often get so busy that they forget to make time for their friends and maintain those social relationships. But if you create an environment where your husband is your only friend, you'll find yourself talking his ear off! Spend time with your own friends (by having lunch dates or weekly meetings) to keep everyone happy.
3
Take up a hobby. You need to do things that make you happy too. Have something that is just yours and that gives you the opportunity to do something productive or creative that doesn't involve your home. This will give you an important emotional outlet. Try taking up productive hobbies, like sewing or cooking.
4
Consider getting more education. Just because you may not need a degree for your job doesn't mean that you can't get better educated! Learning is fun and will make you feel more productive and self-confident. You don't even have to go to an actual school. You can read a lot of books (find them at your local library!) or you can take online classes for free through websites like Coursera or MIT Opencourseware.
5
Consider taking a side job. There are lots of jobs that you can work from home if you have some extra time. This will give you a way to contribute to the household and will also give you something to be proud of! You can open a home daycare or petsit, or even do things like data entry or run a travel agency. There are lots of options!
6
Let your family take care of you sometimes. You work hard and your family should occasionally help by bearing some of the load. They will probably want to do this naturally, but you can also have a set-aside one day a month where they do all of the things you do. This will have the added effect of making them appreciate the things you do more.

Community Q&A

Question

I am a housewife with a baby girl. I think I do a lot, but the house still doesn't look clean, and the administrative things are not always done. How can I manage this better to get everything done and looking good?

Community Answer

Try making a schedule before bed. It can be difficult to balance between housework and parenting, so you may need to adjust your expectations for yourself, especially while your little girl is so young.
Question

How can I be fulfilled as a housewife?

Community Answer

Being a housewife IS fulfilling! If you don't WANT to be a housewife, then don't. However, there are those who find great happiness and fulfillment from creating a household schedule, making balanced healthy meals, shopping cheaply, cleaning frequently, and caring for children. This list is meant for those who WANT to do those things. Getting out of the house, being active in the community, and making friends helps for happiness and balance in your own life, but if that alone is not fulfilling to you, maybe you shouldn't be a housewife.
Question

How do I become a housewife?

Community Answer

Marry someone who is willing to support you financially as a housewife.