How to Meet a Boy

Last Updated: July 16, 2021

You'd think with 3.5 billion boys being on the planet that meeting a boy wouldn't be so hard. But it totally is. And even if you do meet one, what do you say and how do you say it? There's no magic potion to get him to come up to you and start a conversation, but you don't need it – why? Because you're cool and confident enough to do it yourself.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Finding the Right Boy

1
Think about the kind of people you like to spend time with. It is not necessary to find a boy that exactly matches your requirements, but he should have some quality that you really like from the start. What does he value? What does he like? What does he do in his free time? If you know such a guy, great! If you do not know any such guy, you'll have to go looking.
- Once you determine the kind of guy you're looking for, think about where he'd be. Would he be the type you would meet at a party? That you would run into at sports practice after school? At a music event?
2
Join clubs in your community that interest you. Some people might tell you that you should join a club your kind of boy might be in, but that won't last. You need to join a club you enjoy so A) you're happy in it and B) so that you can meet boys that have something in common with you. What'll it be? A drama club? An environmental club? A sport? How about volunteering at the homeless animal shelter? Even if you don't end up meeting that perfect boy, you'll meet some great friends, stay busy, and likely develop a skill.
- Needless to say, the only place you aren't going to meet boys is if you sit at home all day and watch TV with your cats. Put yourself out there and you'll have to meet one eventually. There's 3.5 billion of them out there after all.
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3
Go to places you feel comfortable. This could be your favorite book store if you are an avid reader or a coffee shop if you like coffee. It could even be some place you normally go with your friends. Popular places work too, like skating rinks or ice cream shops – places where people your own age tend to frequent.
- You can go in a group or alone, but it's important to spend some time on your own in these places so that the boys that do not feel comfortable in crowds (most boys in this context, really) will be more comfortable approaching you or being approached by you.
4
Do what you love. If you work on expanding your horizons, putting yourself out there, going to social events, meetings, gatherings, joining a gym or art class, and pursue your dreams, you will meet that boy. It'll happen. Trust. What's more, you'll likely be happy and be the best version of yourself because you're doing what you love – what could he not fall in love with?
- You know the saying, "It happens when you least expect it?" Well, it's a saying for a reason. If you go about your life, you'll meet someone who is also going about his life, and you two may be able to combine your greatness together. A boy shouldn't stop you from living whether you have one or not.
5
Be careful about meeting someone online. It is possible to find compatible people online in chat rooms, on Facebook, or on message boards about a topic you both enjoy. That being said, be very careful. There are plenty of scammers out there that you shouldn't trust. If you do meet someone, try to find someone who knows them and can vouch that they're the real deal.
- For the record, never give out your personal information online. Your name and phone number are okay, but never give your home address or your identity information – why would a boy need it, anyway?
6
If you're looking at school, take your time. It is important that you do not search for a generic companion – this usually leads to disastrous, unfulfilling relationships. Instead, if you find yourself "in need" of a partner, take it slow. Keep an eye out for individuals with similar interests or attractive personalities. It is important that your core beliefs systems be in sync. Otherwise it just won't last anyway, and someone will end up with their heart broken.
- Don't find an "okay" guy and think you can change them to make them more desirable. This can do emotional damage and ruin any prospect of love or friendship. If the spark isn't there initially, don't force it. You'll find someone who lights your fire and who feels the same way in return without changing.
7
Get choosy. You've looked around, and now you think you've found the right guy. Is he the sort of guy who'd want to spend time with you without the expectation of something more? Is he the sort of person you want to be around long term? Can he take good care of himself? Does he show everyone respect? Do you enjoy his company? If your answers are all "yes," then you're on the right track! Now it's time to take action.
- A general rule of thumb for men is this: if you think they know you like them, they don't. If you're certain they know you like them, they might. If you have told them you like them to their face, some of them will still not know you meant it. In these next few steps, we'll have to take it slow and then be pretty clear. You ready?

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Building Your Confidence

1
Open up to the people around you. If you talk to no one in the group of people around you, it's gonna be pretty hard to open yourself up to this boy. Start by befriending the other people around you. This is good for a few reasons:
- He'll see you talking to those around you. This makes you look friendly, fun, and sociable. It'll also make you seem more approachable.
- He may be friends with the people you're talking to. This is a natural bridge to get you two talking to each other.
- When you talk to everyone, it's only natural that you would start talking to him, too. This makes it look as if you don't have any secret intentions, masking any potential feelings you may not want to slip out.
2
Practice being social with others. The more you get out in to the world and socialize and talk to people, the easier it will become with anyone and everyone. If you only string two words together biannually, you're probably going to be pretty rusty and awkward. And that's normal – no one was born a Casanova – we all learn it.
- We are all social animals and tend to pick up this stuff pretty quickly one we get out there and try – and the same goes for you! It'll be hard at first, but with each time it'll get easier and easier. This is why you start with the people around you you aren't interested in – to warm you and your skills up for that special boy.
3
Make yourself approachable. If you are smiling and look willing and eager to talk to people, then you are inevitably going to meet them.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.} If you are standoffish or don't add to the conversation at all (like being obsessed with your phone), others will likely move past you, thinking you don't want to talk. Keep your head up and your mind involved and interested in your surroundings. If you're in the same place, you'll be sharing similar experiences, and it'll give you something to talk about.
- Imagine this scenario: you're at your after-school club and a whole bunch of you are around a table snacking. A mutual friend cracks a joke and you all laugh and laugh. Later, you two are leaving the parking lot together, and you reference that joke. You share a laugh and it breaks the ice – and you're in.
4
Maintain good hygiene. Have your hair combed and styled, clothes clean, and have a pleasant scent, too. You probably wouldn't be too crazy about this boy if he looked like he dug himself out of the garbage, right? The same goes for him. To be approachable physically, you've got to look your best. Wear an outfit that makes you feel confident, put on your favorite gloss and a smile, and you'll be ready.
- The initial way to get boy's attention will be physically. That's just how it works. Always put your best foot forward – put some effort into your look and you may catch his eye. But that being said, don't go overboard – trying too hard is also a turn-off. It'll be obvious if you're pretending you're something you're not, so always stick to your instincts.
5
Be open minded. Don't dismiss yourself or other people – everyone has value, including you. With this attitude, it'll be clear you're friendly and interested in everyone. Why wouldn't he want to get to know you a little better? With your eye contact skills and that beautiful smile, he'd surely want to at least have a conversation or two.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.} A positive attitude will help good things happen; a negative attitude will keep them from happening.
- Even if it turns out he's not interested in you, it'll be okay. What if he says no? This is a painful lesson that takes many of us way too many years to learn. If he says no, be happy. You have no idea how many years wondering what might have been he has just saved you. He has now completely freed you up to approach your second favorite man in the whole world. Score.
6
Realize that he's probably more nervous than you are. Many guys will be nervous about talking to a girl, and keep that in the mind when you're working up your own confidence. He's the one that needs the push, so just add a bit of eye contact or a friendly smile as an invitation for the guy to start a conversation or to see that a conversation with you isn't scary.
- This is a good way to give yourself that little nudge to talk to him. When you realize that he's nervous and insecure and probably thinks you're not interested in him even as a friend, it'll help urge you on to making that nice gesture of friendship.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Making Conversation and Getting to Know Him Better

1
To start a conversation, be observant of your surroundings. Say you're in a school hallway and you see that really attractive football jock. He's looking at a poster about sending in a picture for the school yearbook. You walk up to him and ask him if he's going to send one in. Introduce yourself, be open-minded about everything, and just be friendly. And you've done it – the ice is officially broken. It might happen slowly from here, but the hardest part is now over.
- You could also ask about whatever he is doing or what he appears to be looking at. If it's something you like, mention that. If it's something you don't know anything about, ask questions and try to learn more about it from the boy. If he's looking at a tour schedule for a band you've never heard of before, say something like, "Hey, what do they sing? They sound familiar." Anything to just get the conversation going. Then you can start talking about other bands and hit it off from there.
2
Figure out a couple of his interests and then slip in a comment or question about one of them. You've broken the ice, but now what? Have a deep conversation about each others' philosophy on life? Hmm. Not so fast. To get started, you might want some background information on his interests, like seeing if he's involved in a sport, just so you have something to talk about. Then when you're in the hallway together, you can slip in, "Hey, you're on the football team, right? Gonna win this week's game?"
- This also shows that you're paying attention to him, which will make him feel good. Hopefully, he will begin asking about you and your interests, too. If he does, this may indicate you can comfortably spend more time talking or hanging out.
3
Try thinking of something short and witty to come up with in conversation. The absolute hardest part of talking to anyone is saying that very first thing. And that's over! ...But now you have to keep the conversation going. Here are a few tips for making that initial conversation last:
- Gather ideas from your surroundings. If you're at a sports game, make a comment about what just happened ("Aww, did you see that fumble?!") Then, tell him about a funny or engaging personal story occurring at a past game you went to. He may have a funny story, too.
- If you're in a generic location, try looking at the objects around you for clues. Did you have a mirror similar to that one as a child? Tell him about it in an interesting and engaging tone.
- The initial conversation doesn't have to be feel-y or deep. It can be as simple as "I used to have a chair just like that in my childhood home. Man, that reminds me of the good old days, haha!" Think along the lines of something incredible or funny. Ask him if he has a similar story, too.
4
Be confident, sweet, casual, and relaxed. Act like it's just a casual meeting, because it is. Don't jump the gun just yet; it's still a simple conversation. If you feel the conversation winding down, respect that and let it end. You'll have another one another day. If the conversation is great, let it go where it takes you. If he asks for your number or your Facebook information, great! If he doesn't, that's fine, too.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
- If you're feeling confident and brave and it's going well, you could ask for his number yourself. Some people like the direct attitude. However, don't do this out of the blue. Preface this with some friendly conversation or questions such as, "You having fun?" or "I've never seen an [article of clothing] like that. It suits you!" Be sure to look lively, friendly, and approachable. Laugh where it suits the conversation. Confidence is key. The ultimate goal should be to either get his number or other contact info (Facebook, email, etc.).
5
Start out as a friend. The only way to know if you two get along and if you have chemistry is to start out as friends. Spend some time in groups together, make chitchat, see each other at parties, and get a feel for each other. If it's growing, let it grow. You can then take action when you're feeling confident.
- Don't be desperate. It will likely scare him off if you say something like, "You are the most amazing person I have ever seen. I know you don't know me at all, but I'd really love you to." For some men, being desperate can attract them initially, but it doesn't keep them. It's far better to take it slow and start out as a friend.
6
When you know each other a bit, propose hanging out in a smaller group. Sure, you see this guy around at parties and you talk a bit, you're in English class together, and maybe you run into each other at football games, but it's not enough. You may have to take matters into your own hands – start by asking him to join you and a couple of friends one night this week for whatever you're doing. If a test is coming up at school, that's a great excuse for a "study" night.
- And once you get comfortable hanging out in a smaller group, that's when you can level up to hanging out alone. It's all about baby steps – not taking leaps.
7
Let him know you like him. You've put all this work in and now what? Well, in time you can make it clear you like him or maybe he'll make it clear that he likes you. Either way, it's a step in the right direction. Ask a mutual friend or two about your chances – he may be asking them the same thing.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
- It's best to do this in private and when the mood is right. If you two are alone, you've had a good afternoon together, and he seems to be in a good mood, that's it. You may have to spit it out before you get nervous, but hopefully it comes out as something like, "You know, I really like you. I think we'd be really great together. Do you want to go out sometime?" If he says yes, fantastic. If he says no, keep your cool. "I understand; I just wanted to be honest," is a safe response. You handling it well may surprise and impress him, potentially changing his mind.

Warnings

What is important is also the way you execute these steps. That is, the "tone" of your eye contact can be misconstrued. You may look at him meaning "hello," but – depending on the mental state of the boy – he may think you mean "I can't help but fall for your good looks." So be careful, and try to weed out the unstable-types.

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