How to Tell Your Guy Friend You Like Him More Than As a Friend

Co-authored by Mark Rosenfeld

Last Updated: September 29, 2021 References

Telling your friend that you like him is scary, but it’s the only way to know for sure if he likes you back. If he’s single, then be brave and ask! Then you won’t have to spend a lot of time wondering what if. If he says he’s not interested, you can start getting over it, and if he is interested, you can finally go on that date you’ve been dreaming of.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Planning for Your Conversation

1
Practice what you want to say. Once you’ve gotten down the general gist of what you want to say, practice it in front of the mirror. If you feel comfortable, practice it in front of a friend. Your friend can give you feedback on how you sound, and if you should rephrase anything. Don’t go over the top and confess undying love, just make sure you get the point across.^{[1]
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- Remember, it’s okay if you look a bit nervous. Everybody knows that asking out a friend is nerve-wracking. Just focus on sounding clear and fairly casual.
2
Tell your crush that you want to talk to him in private. If your crush is single, then it’s time for you to be brave and ask him. Talking in person is the best way to go, because it’s much easier to judge people’s reactions and emotions in person, rather than over text. It’s also best to have this conversation in private, because you’re about to be really vulnerable.^{[2]
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- If he says yes, having the conversation in private would pay off in case you two want to start kissing.
- If you’re really too shy to ask him out in person, then you can ask him out over text.
- You can text him something like, “Can you meet after school in the park? I have something I need to talk about with you,” or, “I need to talk with you about something. Are you free to meet in private some afternoon this week?”
- If you’re afraid he might think something’s wrong, you can add, “Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad.”
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3
Give yourself a pep-talk. Remind yourself about all of your good qualities, or have a friend remind you if you’re feeling too nervous. Remember: you are a valuable, wonderful person, worthy of love, and your crush could very well like you back. Also, if your current crush rejects you, it does not say anything about your value as a person. Maybe the timing isn’t right, or he’s interested in someone else, or he has a lot on his mind right now.^{[3]
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- Giving yourself a pep-talk will boost your self-confidence and prepare you for the conversation.
- Tell yourself something like, “I am a kind, creative person and he would be lucky to date me.” Remind yourself of your qualities that you are most proud of, like your bravery, honesty, work ethic, or joy-de-vivre. Maybe you are a great dancer or a basketball player, or you always make your friends laugh. Tell yourself all the reasons you are wonderful.
- Tell yourself, “I am beautiful. I am worthy of love. If he doesn’t like me, someone else will.”
4
Set up a support in case of rejection. Brace yourself for the worst. Your friend might reject you, and you might feel heartbroken. Recognize that this might happen. Everybody goes through heartbreak at some point in their life, and it’s really hard, but over time you get over it. Before you ask your guy friend out, tell a different trusted friend about the brave thing you’re about to do. That way, if it goes poorly, your other friend can come over and comfort you with a big hug and lots of encouragement, instead of you sitting alone.^{[4]
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- It will feel less scary if you know your other friend is rooting for you, and is just a phone call away.
- This way you’ll have somebody to celebrate with if it goes well, too.
5
Don’t ask your crush out if he’s currently in a relationship. Even though there’s a very small chance that he’ll leave his relationship to be with you, that’s very rare. Generally, he will find it awkward and threatening to his current relationship. Find out if he’s single to ask him out. You should also try to find out his sexuality, if you’re not sure. You should find out if he’s gay or straight or bi, to see if you have a chance, depending on your gender.^{[5]
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- If you’re really crushing on your friend who’s in a relationship, or isn’t into people who are your gender, try dating other people to take your mind off it.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Asking Him Out

1
Acknowledge that what you’re about to say might be surprising. Telling him this prepares him a little bit emotionally for what you’re about to say, so he isn’t shocked. It also acknowledges that you are thinking about and anticipating his feelings, so he won’t feel guilty if he shows surprise.^{[6]
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- Say, “I realize this might be surprising but I just wanted to let you know how I’ve been feeling lately.”
2
Ask him out clearly, but casually. Be clear that you like him as more than a friend but you don’t profess your undying love. That would be startling if he never thought about you like that before.^{[7]
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- Say something like, “Lately I’ve been feeling like I like you as more than a friend. I was wondering if you might want to go on a date sometime?”
- Avoid asking, “Do you like me back?” or “Will you be my boyfriend?” because he might not have developed feelings for you yet, but he might be open to exploring the possibility by going on a date with you.
- It’s very important to be clear and use scary words like “date” because otherwise he might not get that you’re asking him out.^{[8]
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3
Make your feelings seem recent. If he says yes, and you start a relationship, you can tell him the truth later about how long you liked him, if it's been a long time. Otherwise, it’s best to keep it a secret to help make your friendship feel less awkward. ^{[9]
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- Even if you’ve been pining for your friend for months or years, say, “Recently I’ve been feeling…” or “Lately I’ve been feeling…” so that he doesn’t freak out.
- This takes the pressure off, and isn’t really lying, because “lately” and “recently” could be defined in many ways.
4
Be clear that the friendship is your top priority. Make it clear that you weren’t just friends with your guy friend because you wanted to get with him. Your guy friend will feel comforted knowing that he won’t lose your friendship, no matter if he wants to go out with you or not.^{[10]
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- Say, “Our friendship is my top priority, so if you don’t want to go out, I understand, and I don’t want this to mess up our friendship.”
5
Respect his answer. Real life isn’t like a rom-com where you can convince someone to love you by talking them into it. Instead, you should respect his feelings. If he says no, don’t try to talk him around. Imagine how you’d feel if somebody you rejected kept pestering you to change your mind. ^{[11]
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- Try to remember that a rejection doesn’t say anything about your value as a person, or your chances of finding love in the long term. It just means that this one guy likes you as a friend, and not as a crush.
6
Expect changes in your friendship. If he says yes, your friendship will change because you will both figure out where you want to go from there. You might want to go on a date, start kissing, or whatever feels right for you. If he says no, you’ll both have some “fake-it-till-you-make-it” to do, pretending things aren’t awkward, until, eventually, they’ll stop feeling awkward.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
- Though you might be feeling embarrassed or heartbroken now, it is possible to keep a friendship after a rejection. You may have to give yourself some time and space to heal, but with time you can get over the rejection, fall for someone else, and still keep this friendship in your life.^{[13]
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  Expert Source
  
  Mark Rosenfeld
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
- If you two decide to start dating, you should have a conversation sometime soon about how this will affect hanging out with mutual friends, and other aspects of your friendship.^{[14]
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  Expert Source
  
  Mark Rosenfeld
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}

Expert Q&A

Question

Can you tell your friend you like him without ruining the friendship?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach for women and founded Make Him Yours in 2015. Mark specializes in helping people find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon on its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

There's no way to truly tell someone you're into them without risking the friendship. You have to accept that risk if you're really going to share that confession with somone.
Question

Where should I confess my feelings?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach for women and founded Make Him Yours in 2015. Mark specializes in helping people find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon on its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Find a place where you can spend some one-on-one time together, like a park. If you're in a more intimate environment, you'll start to get a read if the other person feels the same way.
Question

How do you confess your feelings to a friend?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach for women and founded Make Him Yours in 2015. Mark specializes in helping people find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon on its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Meet up a little more frequently than you usually would. For instance, if you usually hang out once every 2 weeks, you might suggest to meet up twice in 1 week. This gives you a chance to share your feelings, but also gives your friend a chance to see it coming.