How to Be a Supportive Girlfriend

Last Updated: September 16, 2020 References Approved

Relationships rely on support between the two partners. When one partner is not supportive of the other, it is likely that the relationship will not survive. A big component of being able to be supportive of your partner is to have genuine feelings for them. There are many ways to show support and strengthen your relationship.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Listening Actively to Your Partner

1
Recognize when something is bothering them. You need to pay attention not only to their words but also to their attitude and body language. Be aware when something seems to be bothering them.^{[1]
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- Try to avoid taking it personally when they are in a bad mood; chances are, it has nothing to do with you. Therefore, you should avoid making the situation worse by being rude or angry in return.
2
Give them the opportunity to express their feelings. Some people simply do not like to show vulnerability, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, this also means that they might not be immediately forthcoming about what the issue is.
- Gently inquire about what is bothering them. You might say, “I can tell that you've got a lot on your mind. Would you like to talk about it?” Another example of what you could say is, “You seem down today. How can I help?”
- If your partner does not want to talk about the issue right away, then respect that decision. They will come to you about it when they are ready.
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3
Listen carefully while they talk. When they are ready to share with you, take the time to listen carefully to what they are saying.^{[2]
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Research source}Validate their feelings and give cues that you are actively listening:
- Avoid interrupting. Talk when they give you the opportunity or when they ask you a question.
- Repeat back what they said in brief summaries when given the opportunity: “I heard you say that...” or “I understand that you felt...”
- Maintain eye contact while they talk.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Connell Barrett
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.}
- Show concern in your facial expression.
- Ask questions about what they shared.
4
View the situation from your partner's perspective. You are obviously unique individuals, no matter how much you may have in common. When you help them through issues, it will be helpful to try to view the issue from their perspective.
- Pinpoint what about the issue upsets them, if they do not or cannot identify it.
- Understand why this problem upsets them.
- Figure out how they might solve this problem based on their personality.
- Be supportive and gently guide them along the right path if you realize that they are actually in the wrong in the situation.
5
Offer realistic solutions. Once they have shared the issue and gotten it off of their chest, think of realistic solutions to offer that will help the situation. Try asking "Are you looking for suggestions, or do you just want to vent?" if you aren't sure whether your partner is open to advice.
- Suggest solutions that will not further aggravate the situation. For example, if they are upset about an argument they had with a coworker, do not suggest something like playing a prank on the coworker to get revenge.
- Offer to help however you can. They may or may not want your help, and it is important that you respect that. They are independent and capable of doing things on their own.
- Simply offer to be there for them as a listening ear and shoulder to cry on, if there is not much that you can do to help with a solution.
6
Apologize if necessary. It might turn out that your partner is upset about something that you did or said. When they have shared this with you, it would be helpful to apologize.^{[4]
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- Every situation is different. It may be the case that you stand by what you said or did and do not feel the need to apologize, and they deserve an explanation of why. However, if you had no idea that what you said or did upset them that much and genuinely feel badly about that, apologizing is necessary.
- You can also apologize even if the situation has nothing to do with you: “I'm sorry that this happened to you. I'll be by your side to support you however I can.”

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Communicating with Your Partner

1
Create an open line of communication with them.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Part of being supportive is being both trustworthy and trusting, and having open communication really helps to build trust.^{[6]
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- Always be open with your partner, and avoid keeping secrets. It is okay to keep a small secret, such as what you plan to get them for a birthday gift, but you should never keep secrets about your relationship or things that happen that you know they will not like.
2
Share your thoughts and feelings. This applies to a wide range of situations. You should share your thoughts both when they are happy and when they are unhappy. Your partner deserves to know.
- It is important to express to their how much you care for and love them. You do not have to express those feelings multiple times per day, but reminding them on a daily basis shows you care.
- You also need to let them know when they have said or done something that upsets you. Part of supporting them is helping them to grow and learn from mistakes but in a healthy, supportive way. There is no need to start an argument, but gently telling your partner something like, “When you said that, I felt like you were indicating that I annoy you, and that hurt my feelings” will get the point across.
3
Show respect when communicating with them. Be firm in your words, if necessary, but be polite and respectful. Arguments are almost always avoidable, and your tone of voice and word choice will impact whether your discussion is a respectful disagreement or a full-blown argument.^{[7]
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- Blaming them only causes their stress. Instead, by carefully and thoughtfully telling them what the issue is, you set them up for success in mending the situation.
- Always be willing to recognize your own mistakes and take accountability for them.
4
Be willing to make compromises or sacrifices. A relationship is a two-way street, and everything about the relationship should be based on both individuals' wants and needs. Not every decision will be easy, and often, one person will need to agree to a compromise or be willing to make a sacrifice. Support them by making one of these choices when it is necessary.^{[8]
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- One example of making a compromise is when you are planning a vacation together. Perhaps you want to go on a beach vacation to an all-inclusive resort, but they do not because it is more expensive. The two of you might come to a compromise by agreeing on a beach vacation somewhere that is closer to home, where you might be table to take a road trip instead of fly, or somewhere that is not a resort.
- An example of making a sacrifice would be giving in to their wants or needs. Say that they really rely on regular exercise as a way to feel good about herself. You might need to make a sacrifice to forgo an event because they want to take that time to exercise and get that confidence boost.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Encouraging Your Partner

1
Let them know that they have your support. Regardless of what the situation may be (for example, their sporting event or taking on a promotion at work), make sure they know that you support them.^{[9]
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- Be excited about opportunities that arise for them, and express that excitement.
- Be there in person to support when you can, like at a sporting event or at a fundraiser.
- Let others know about their opportunity, if they feel comfortable with that.
2
Ask them what you can do to assist. Encourage them to take on the new opportunity by taking tasks off of their to-do list so that they can better focus. Offer to take care of some chores or errands so that they can focus their attention on their needs:
- Grocery shopping
- Laundry or dry cleaning
- Cleaning your home
- Preparing food in advance
- Helping with administrative tasks, like sending emails or managing their calendar
3
Encourage them to go after their goals and dreams. An unhealthy relationship is one in which one person holds the other back. Show them that you truly support them by encouraging them to chase their goals.^{[10]
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- Offer to find ways to make their goals or dreams attainable, like helping them do research and learning more about their ambitions.
- When they feel discouraged, share uplifting words: “I know you feel like you're a long way from reaching your goal right now, but let's take a moment to look at how far you've come since you started!”
4
Be optimistic for them. There will likely be times when they feel pessimistic. Help them turn those feelings around by remaining optimistic.
- If you feel pessimistic, too, and display that pessimism, then they might give up on their goals.
- Even if you do feel frustrated at times, find ways to continue to be supportive and to express that frustration in a healthy way. Find a friend to whom you can vent your frustrations, play sports, or take a walk.
5
Give them space when necessary.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} At times, the best way you can encourage them to do something is to give them space. Recognize when this is needed, and give them the space they need.
- Giving too much encouragement can become or seem nagging, and no partner appreciates being nagged.
- Take this time to do something good for yourself: a warm bath, a good book, a solitary walk, time with your hobbies, or something else you enjoy.
6
Challenge them to be a better person. No one is perfect—including you—and one way to be supportive of them is to encourage them to become better.^{[12]
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- Your relationship will benefit from individual improvements, whether those are related to their attitude, personality, physical appearance, et cetera.
- This does not mean that you should or can nag them. If there is something you do not like about them, you cannot force them to change it, especially if they do not want to change. However, you can inspire them to become a better person in some way.
- Be open to them turning this around on yourself and encouraging yourself to become a better person, as well. Show support by improving together.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Helping Your Partner

1
Know your boundaries with helping them. Some people are incredibly independent and dislike taking help from others; in fact, some people even find it insulting. Be aware of their feelings on you helping them before going too in-depth with helping. When in doubt, just ask.
2
Determine with what they need help. It is a nice gesture to simply take care of a task for someone, but in some cases, they might need or want help with a specific thing.^{[13]
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- Ask them if there is anything in particular with which you can help.
- Consider helping with a variety of tasks, including things such as household chores, grocery shopping, completing work-related tasks, doing DIY projects, and home renovations.
- Your help could also come in the form of emotional help. You do not always need to physically help them with something; being there for emotional help and support is important, too.
3
Offer to help in whatever way you can best help. Know your own limitations with whatever tasks or projects they need assistance.
- Avoid offering to do something that you do not know how or do not have the skills to do.
- Even taking a couple of small, easy tasks off their to-do list is better than no help at all. Do what you can.
4
Find creative solutions to their problems. Help them by researching a different method to accomplish a task or by thinking of different strategies to a solve a problem. Every person thinks about situations uniquely, and your different perspective has benefits to them.
- For example, your partner might be trying to repair a drawer, but they are having trouble. Take some time to look up the specific problem with the drawer and methods of fixing it to show them.
- Another example includes when they are having a problem with another person. Perhaps they can only think of confrontational, reactive ways to solve the problem. Maybe you could help by offering calmer, more proactive solutions.
5
Make your partner aware that you are there to help whenever they need it. They might not need help on a project from beginning to end, but you can let them know that you are there for help whenever they need you.
- Especially in situations of moral support, they might want to solve the problem on their own. However, they will appreciate knowing that you are there to talk and/or listen.
- In some cases, you may just get in their way by being around and trying to help all the time. Know when to step away and help only when they ask for it.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I be supportive in a relationship?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Show your appreciation for your significant other every day. You can send a compliment over text or let them know how much you care about them in person.
Question

What do I do if there is another girl who wants him?

Community Answer

You don't have to do anything. If she's being really pushy or something, you might say, "That's my boyfriend and I don't appreciate you talking to him like that." Otherwise, it doesn't matter how she feels. He's your boyfriend, and if he really likes you, he'll ignore her advances.
Question

My boyfriend has changed a bit recently. He is doing poorly in making time for me, unlike past days. He has extra work now. How should I deal with this change?

Community Answer

Your boyfriend is probably under a fair bit of pressure too because of this change. Make sure to let him know that you're proud of him for taking on extra work, and be kind to him if he's had a bad day. You should take on an extra hobby to keep you occupied when he isn't able to make time. That way, you're not stressed out about it as much. Alternatively, if you feel like his lifestyle change isn't suitable for what you want in a relationship, then you need to either leave or tell him exactly how you feel.

Warnings

Find the line between being supportive and being clingy or obsessive. While it is true that some people like feeling that their partner is dependent on them, many people find clingy or obsessive behavior to be annoying.

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Avoid being judgmental of them. This will only create feelings of resentment in one or both of you, which will damage your relationship.^{[14]
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