How to Spice Up Your Relationship

Last Updated: August 18, 2021 References

Keeping your relationship fresh is hard work. Though you may be more in love with your honey than ever, you have to make an effort to keep your connection and your sex life from growing stale. If you want to know how to spice up your relationship, just follow these easy tips.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Being More Adventurous

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Make love in new positions. Though you may have gotten nice and comfortable in the missionary position,^{[1]
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Research source} it may be time for some changes in the bedroom.^{[2]
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Research source} Having sex the same old way can make it feel like a routine, and the more you mix things up, the more likely you'll be to want to get it on more often. Here are some things you can do:
- Reverse roles. This may feel funny at first, but you'll love it. If you're always on top and your honey is on the bottom, switch it up. You'll be more turned on by the change.
- When you make love, make a goal of not having sex in your usual position at all. Find a completely new way to be turned on.
- Don't be afraid to try completely new positions. Look up positions on the Internet, read the Karma Sutra, or if you're bold, ask your best friend for love-making position tips.
- Be more flexible.^{[3]
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  Research source} Take a yoga class together, or go for a run together and work on stretching before and after. Preparing your bodies to be more flexible when you're in the sack. If you learn to do a split, you can use it to your advantage in the bedroom. If you're a girl, try to get flexible enough to wrap your legs around your partner's head when he's on top.
- Make love standing up, or with the person on top standing up. And don't be afraid to try a little pre-sex oral sex on your partner when he or she is standing up.^{[4]
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- Make love when one person is seated on a coach while the other is on top of him or her.
- Be adventurous in your positions, but don't do anything you're not comfortable with. Both partners have to be committed to trying new things or your sex may get unpleasant.
2
Get it on in new places. Having sex in new positions can work wonders for your sex life. Having sex in new positions in a new place will spice up your relationship astronomically. A new place can be anything from a new corner of your bedroom to a hotel or even a camping tent. Here are some things to try:^{[5]
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- Check into a hotel to make love. The hotel doesn't have to be in an exotic location — it could be just a few blocks from your home. You'll feel sexy for checking in for such an obvious purpose. Don't even pack your bags if you're close to home. That will make it even more obvious that you're there for one reason.
- Take a hot vacation. Plan a trip to a romantic island or a beach. Pick a place where there's not much to do but lounge on the beach and indulge in each other. If you're too busy sightseeing, you won't have time to set your sights on your lovemaking.
- Having sex in your car may sound uncomfortable, but it can be pretty hot, too.^{[6]
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  Research source} Having sex in public can get you in a lot of trouble, so only do it if you're in a place that is completely secluded, where there's no chance you'll be caught.^{[7]
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- Have sex somewhere where you can get caught. Though this is inadvisable for many reasons, but if you're really feeling kinky, get it on somewhere where you can get in trouble, like a friend's house, or in your own home while people are over.
- Have sex in a new part of your pad. Vow not to have sex in your bed for a week or two, or even a month. Try your kitchen counter, your shower, or even your favorite chair.
- Get it on on your couch. Your couch isn't just for being lazy and channel surfing.
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3
Go to a sex or lingerie store together. Don't be embarrassed about taking this trip. Lots of couples do it together all the time, and you'll be turned on by buying things you'll use or wear in the bedroom. Dress up when you go to the store. Hold hands. Giggle. It may feel a little silly, but it's also hot.
- Buy some hot lingerie. If you're female, buy some lacy bras and panties, thongs, garters, fishnet stockings, or corsets. Don't be afraid to buy something that is completely over the top or doesn't feel like you. That's what being adventurous is all about.
- Buy some scented candles, sexy oils, and sexy lotions. You can light the candles and massage the oil and lotion into each other to get ready to get it on.
- Pick up some sex toys. Buy some whips, hand cuffs, or whatever else floats your boat. They're not guaranteed to work, but try them on for size. Just buying them together will already spice up your relationship.
4
Role play.^{[8]
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Research source} You need to spice up your relationship because you're feeling that you've fallen into the same roles day after day. What better way to spice up your relationship than some lighthearted, fun roleplaying?^{[9]
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Research source} This will require you to take some risks, but the rewards will be worth it.^{[10]
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Research source} The next time you make love, try out one of these scenarios:
- Pretend that you've gotten in a big fight. Get really heated. Yell and throw things around. Then have some hot make-up sex.
- If you're a girl, pretend that your boyfriend or husband is knocking on the door to repair a leak, ask you to sign a bill, or just because he's lost and needs directions. Invite him to come in for a drink, and take it from there.
- Try on some outfits from the sex store. There will be plenty of ideas to get your imagination going, whether you're dressing up as a police officer, princess, or sex kitten.
- Tell your partner your favorite role play fantasy, no matter how ridiculous it may be. Then go for it!
5
Try something new together. Being adventurous isn't all about having sex in adventurous ways. You and your honey can improve your relationship by stepping out of your comfort zones and trying something wild and new together. Here are some things you can try:^{[11]
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- Do something crazy outdoors. Go zip-lining, bungee jumping, or sky diving. This will make you feel exhilarated and will bring you closer together.
- Travel to a completely exotic location. This could mean Singapore or Argentina. Go to a place that is completely foreign to you together.
- Take up a new exciting hobby. This could be mountain biking or karate. Just pick something both of you have never done before and stick to it. You'll be learning something new and will be spending more time together in the process.
- Eat foods you've never had before. Make a point of going to a restaurant that serves cuisine you've never had before at least once or twice a month. You'll be treating your taste buds while making more time for conversation.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Being More Romantic

1
Always look ready for romance. Though you may have been in the same relationship for five or twenty-five years, that's no excuse for you to lounge around in your pajamas until it's time to go out for dinner. Though you don't have to dress to the nines every day of the week, act like you're just starting a new relationship and choose your clothes carefully.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Mary Church, PhD
Research & Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.}
- Always be fresh. If you're trying to spice up your relationship, it means that you're open to the idea of having sex whenever and wherever. You should shower often, and keep your body fresh and clean so you don't decline sex because you haven't showered in a while.
- Dress up for date night.^{[13]
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  Research source} When you decide on a date night, you should make a special effort to look nice. You both can dress up much nicer than you need to just to feel good and have fun. Girls can put on sexy, stunning dresses and high heels, and their men can even put on a suit or a nice coat. You'll feel sexier if you walk around looking sexy.
- Even if you're not having date night, make a point of looking nicer than average for a while. This will make both of you feel more inclined for romance.
- Don't forget to compliment your honey's looks. Be sweet and romantic. Tell him how cute he looks, or how great his blue eyes look against his shirt.
2
Go on romantic dates. Once you look the part, you can act the part. If you're dressed up and ready for romance, then it's time to do something romantic. Going on romantic dates will spice up your relationship and make you more eager to get it on once the date is over. Here are some great date ideas for romance:^{[14]
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- Go stargazing. Seriously. Sit together and look at the stars. Bring a bottle of wine and some chocolate along with you. Pick a night when you know there's a full moon, and kiss as you look up at the heavens.
- Listen to romantic music together. Go to a smoky jazz club and caress your partner's hand as you groove to the music. Dress up and see a concert pianist.
- Go wine-tasting together. Sipping some delicious wine and taking rides through wine country will put you in the romantic mood.
- Go for a ride. Take a hot air balloon ride, a ride of a horse and carriage, or even drive near the beach with the top down.
- Walk along the beach as the sun is setting.
- Have a romantic picnic. Go to a park and split a bottle of wine, a delicious salad, and some cheese and crackers.
- Have a romantic date inside your own home. You can't go on a romantic date all the time, but you can make your environment more romance-ready. Cook a simple, but delicious meal, turn the lights down low, and light some candles. Turn on some jazz and you'll be even more turned on.
- Though every night can't be date night, you should schedule a date night as often as you can. At least once a week should do the trick.
3
Make romance a part of your daily life. Whether you're on a hot air balloon ride or at the grocery store, you can always find ways to add more romance to your relationship.^{[15]
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Expert Source

Mary Church, PhD
Research & Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.} You have to learn how to think and act romantically no matter where you are.^{[16]
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Research source}
- Say romantic things in a creative way. Leave little notes around the house that let your loved one know how much he really means to you. Even a post-it note on the mirror will do the trick.
- Make romantic gestures. If you're a girl, kiss your loved one at unexpected times and tell him how amazing he is or how he looks.^{[17]
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  Expert Source
  
  Mary Church, PhD
  Research & Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.} If you're a guy, be a gentleman. Pull out chairs, open doors, and give your woman her coat if she's cold, or even if she insists she isn't cold.
- Write a love poem to your honey. Don't be embarrassed! Just pour your heart out. You can even go to a park and spend an hour writing romantic notes or poems to each other and then exchange them.
- Never forget to compliment your honey for his best attributes. Tell him how much you love him every morning and day, and right before you go to bed.^{[18]
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- Be romantic even when you're apart. Whether you're both off at work or if one of you is away for a few days, don't forget to send a text message, email, or voicemail that says how much you love your significant other.
- Spend more time just kissing. Spicing up your relationship isn't just about making love. It's about enjoying every little thing about your loved one, which includes his tender kisses.
- Communication can be romantic.^{[19]
  X
  Research source} Make time to talk to share your thoughts and feelings with your loved one. Take the time to write your loved one a long letter about how you're feeling.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Being More Naughty

1
Get naughty with food. The right food can make your relationship and your sex life naughtier and much more exciting. Don't be afraid to get naughty with your favorite sexy foods. Here are some tricks to try:
- If you're a girl, have your man pour some wine on your chest and lick it off.
- Suck on a popsicle, mint, or an ice cube and then either kiss or pleasure your significant other. Enjoy the new sensation.
- Eat when you're naked. If you're eating sexy foods, like fruits and chocolate, this will get you more in the mood.^{[20]
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- Have dessert for dinner. Put it in naughty parts of your body and have your significant other eat it off of you.
- Put little chocolates on your significant other's naked body and eat it off. Don't use your hands — only your mouth.
2
Talk naughty. Dirty talk can help you feel more excited and will put some of the spice back into your relationship. Whether you're giving your lover some dirty talk under the sheets or if you're texting or talking on the phone, dirty talk can help put you in the mood for doing the dirty.^{[21]
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- Be naughty on the phone. Tell your honey what you wish he could do to you. Plan a meeting so you can make your fantasies a reality, or have some phone sex.
- Talk dirty before any foreplay. The right words will turn your partner on before you even start kissing.
- Talk dirty when you're making love. Let your honey know how you feel and how much you love his body.
- Send naughty texts. Send sexy messages that tell your sweetie that you can't wait to hook up later. Be as graphic as you want. Just make sure he's not in a place where someone else can read your texts.
3
Watch something naughty. Watching sexy stuff with your honey will get you in the mood faster than you can take your shirt off. It may feel a little strange at first, but watching other people get turned on will not only turn you on, but it will also give you some great love-making ideas in the process.
- Watch a sexy movie together, like 9 1/2 weeks or Wild Orchids.
- Watch some sexy raunchy television. Watching people make out, touch each other, or even make love on television will get you in the mood.
- Be old fashioned. Look at sexy pictures together. That was how people got turned on in the days before porn.
- If you're up for it, watch some porn together.
4
Be spontaneous.^{[22]
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Research source} Your relationship will be more exciting if you know that you can hook up at any moment. Though it's important to plan date night and to make a conscious effort to communicate and spend more time together, it's also important not to plan too much.
- Whisk your honey away in the middle of the day and check in to a hotel to make love. Don't tell him where you're really going until the last minute.
- If you want to have sex, go for it. Unless your honey is really not feeling it, if the urge strikes, don't be afraid to hook up.
- Kiss when you're feeling passionate. Kissing can spice up your relationship just as much as sex. If you're in the mood, kiss your honey or move in for a make out session in an unexpected place.
- Plan a surprise trip. Pack your bags and drive your partner off into the sunset. You'll be able to communicate and have a great conversation when you drive there, and to have amazing and surprising sex once you arrive.
- If you're in a place where you just can't get it on, take your partner by the hand and lead him home. Tell him, "I want you. Now." Then race to the bedroom for some hot sex.

Expert Q&A

Question

What should I do if my relationship gets boring?

Mary Church, PhD
Research & Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Mary Church is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Honolulu, Hawaii. With over a decade of clinical experience, she aims to integrate evolution, genetics, and neuroscience within the practice of psychotherapy. Dr. Church holds a BS in Psychology from Eckerd College and an MS and PhD in Experimental Psychology from The University of Memphis. She completed a Post-Doctorate in Clinical Psychology at The University of Hawaii at Manoa. In addition, Dr. Church is a member of the American Evaluation Association and Hawaii-Pacific Evaluation Association.

Mary Church, PhD

Research & Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Focus on giving your relationship a little more time and focus. Think of it like a baby—a relationship doesn't always need constant attention, but it does need some extra TLC when it's vulnerable/bored.
Question

What can I do if my girlfriend and I don't talk much?

Community Answer

Try to talk more! Healthy communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship. Even if you're just talking about how your day went, that is something. Make an effort to spend more time together. Find out more about her - what are her dreams, her passions, her deepest desires, etc.? This kind of conversation fosters intimacy and it will make your relationship a lot stronger.
Question

What can I do to spice up my relationship with my boyfriend without the risk of pregnancy?

Community Answer

You can have safe sex by using condoms, birth control, or an IUD (or ideally a condom and one of the other two). There are also plenty of sexual acts you can take part in that do not involve the risk of pregnancy, such as oral sex. There also plenty of tips in this article that have nothing to do with sex, like trying new things together.