How to Frighten a Narcissist

Written by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD | Edited by Eric McClure

Last Updated: August 23, 2022 References

Tired of feeling like a narcissist is pushing you around? Scaring a narcissist may seem like a tall order if they act so grandiose and confident all the time, but it’s actually quite easy to scare a narcissist. Most narcissists are fairly fragile, and it doesn’t take a lot to spook them into feeling out of control or weak. In this article, we’ll cover every strategy you’d ever need to strike fear in the heart of a narcissist and take your power back.

This article is based on an interview with our licensed clinical psychologist, Liana Georgoulis, Psy.D. Check out the full interview here.

1

Set firm boundaries.

There’s nothing a narcissist fears more than consequences. If a narcissist’s behavior is driving you nuts, make it clear to them that you aren’t going to put up with it. Calmly lay out which specific behavior you want them to stop doing, and explain what will happen if they choose to ignore you. This is a threat to a narcissist’s power, and it’s sure to keep them on alert.^{[1]
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- An example of a boundary might be, “You cannot tell me how to raise my children.” The consequence might be, “I won’t let you babysit if you can’t stop criticizing my parenting.”
- If you really value your relationship with this person, this is probably the healthiest and most productive way to handle a narcissist.
- Do not negotiate. Do not argue. Make it clear that your boundaries are non-negotiable.

2

Call them out when they cross a line.

Bonus points if you can do this publicly in front of an audience. If a narcissist outright lies, insults you, or crosses a serious boundary, do not let them get away with it. Narcissists tend to assume nobody is ever going to stop them. Coming after them when they’re trying to pull a fast one will keep them from getting too ambitious when it comes to their nasty impulses.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.}
- For example, if you’re at lunch and the narcissist says something like “Oh, that’s not a healthy option” when you order your food, you might snap back, “Are you kidding me? You got a burger and you’re way more out of shape than I am.”
- Calling them out in public will really be a disaster for a narcissist. If they feel like they’re being publicly attacked, they’ll either lose their cool and make a fool of themselves, or shy away. Either way, you win.

3

Speak over them if they interrupt.

As uncomfortable as it may be, don’t let a narcissist talk over you. If they speak over you or interrupt, shut them down fast and keep speaking up. A narcissist feels most comfortable when they’re able to control a conversation, so take that away from them by sticking to your guns and saying precisely what you want to say.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.}
- Do not hesitate to say, “Excuse me, I’m not done talking,” or, “Oh, I’m not done yet,” if they interrupt you.
- Confronting a narcissist when they cross the line can lead to some volatile reactions, but they need to know you mean business if you’re going to strike some fear into them.

4

Withhold intense emotional reactions.

Narcissists get a lot of mileage out of provoking people. When you express strong feelings, it vindicates a narcissist’s sense of control. They use sly, passive-aggressive comments to get under your skin, and they may even insult you outright to try and get you to lash out. Just play it cool and keep your emotions to yourself. As annoying as it may be, you’re going to win the long game if you stay level-headed.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.}
- This applies to positive feelings as well; if a narcissist thinks it’s easy to get you to smile, shout for joy, or thank them, they’re going to feel like they’re in the driver’s seat.
- This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t stand up for yourself or express displeasure at all. Just don’t do it by yelling or spinning out of control.

5

Stick to the facts.

Refuse to bend to a narcissist’s version of reality, and watch them struggle. Narcissists usually have a warped understanding of the world, and they refuse to admit that there are alternative perspectives. When they’re being unreasonable, stick to the facts. If they try to bend the truth or play fast and loose with logic, stick to an unemotional and measured response.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.}
- If a narcissist tries complaining about someone breaking a promise, you might point out how it doesn’t make any sense for that person to just totally change their behavior based on everything you know about them.
- If a narcissist tells a wild story about how everyone at work is out to get them, you might say, “I feel like most of your coworkers just focus on themselves,” or, “I doubt that your coworkers care enough to try and sabotage you.”

6

Ignore their silly mind games.

Narcissists need you to play along, and refusing to engage is scary for them. Did they send you an obviously manipulative text message? Ignore it. Did they criticize you in front of others in an unfair way? Hit them with some side-eye and keep it moving. The less power you give to their devious tactics, the more uncomfortable they’ll be.^{[6]
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- Sometimes, it’s better to call out these mind games—especially if you’re in public and they’re crossing a line. However, if they’re doing something innocuous or obviously meant to provoke you, it’s often better to ignore them.

7

Be a little bit late to everything.

A little unreliability will seriously keep a narcissist on edge. Narcissists behave the way they do because it gets them attention. Withholding that attention will be a serious blow for the average narcissist. Take your time responding to text messages. Don’t show up exactly on time. Wait a day or two before calling them back. All of this will keep them from acting out with confidence.^{[7]
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- This is especially productive when the narcissist in your life thinks they have some kind of power over you when they actually don’t. A bossy coworker or annoying uncle won’t have any recourse.

8

Tease them playfully.

A narcissist loathes the feeling of being put down—even as a joke. You don’t want to be super mean or you’ll lose your control here, but some subtle teasing will drive a narcissist insane. If they do try to slide in some tiny little manipulate comment or they’re being passive-aggressive, try to turn it into a bit of a joke.^{[8]
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- For example, if they complain about not getting enough attention from you, you might say, “Oh, you really do need love! I’m sorry, I’ll try checking in on you every night before bed,” with a chuckle.
- If you’re too cruel or pointed, they’ll just use it as an opportunity to play the victim card. A little bit of teasing goes a long way here.

9

Offer your support.

Narcissists spin out of control if they think they aren’t independent. The average narcissist thinks they’re the bee’s knees. If you regularly offer to guide or help them, they may start wondering if they’re actually as capable as they think they are. The upside here is that you have plausible deniability, since you can always play it off like you’re just trying to lend a helping hand.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Jay Reid, LPCC
Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor
Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.}
- For example, if a narcissist keeps humble-bragging about how everyone wants their money, you might say, “I can always help you budget if you need some help,” or, “I typically don’t have any trouble turning leeches down if you ever need advice.”

10

Guide them into expressing gratitude.

Make a narcissist say “thank you,” they’ll fear you in no time. It’s difficult for a narcissist to express gratitude because it implies that they benefitted from something they had no hand in. If someone does something nice for a narcissist, point it out and play it up in a super positive way. They’ll feel out of control, and you’ll spread love to others at the same time.^{[10]
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- For example, if someone brings a narcissist a gift or does them a favor, you might say, “Oh wow! That’s so nice of you Bryan—that’s an awesome gift. Isn’t that nice of them!”

11

Be loud and proud in social settings.

Being present and active will keep a narcissist at bay. Narcissists are a lot like schoolyard bullies—they’re less likely to target you if they think you’re a force to be reckoned with. Do not shy away from controlling a conversation, standing in the middle of the party, or talking over the narcissist when they try to redirect things. This may scare them off from getting out of line.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.}
- Pay attention to your body language around a narcissist. Do not lean away from them, fidget, or defer eye contact.
- Face them directly, make eye contact, and don’t shy away from entering their personal space.

12

Enlist others to join your cause.

If you can get your mutual friends/family on your side, a narcissist will fear you. Do this directly by pulling mutual friends and family members aside and telling them that the narcissist needs to be stood up to, or by indirectly guiding social interactions so that more people agree with you. Ask them to support you the next time you call the narcissist out, or encourage people to stand up to them.^{[12]
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- It’s best to directly tell mutual friends and family what you’re up to if this narcissist is obviously out of line. You’re better being indirect if they’re too much of a chameleon to really cross the line in clear and obvious ways.

13

Cut them off entirely.

There’s nothing a narcissist fears more than being left alone. Block their phone number, unfriend them on social media, and don’t even acknowledge their presence if you’re ever in the same room with one another. This won’t just scare a narcissist—it will devastate them. If you’ve given the relationship your best shot and you just can’t do it anymore, there’s nothing wrong with moving on.^{[13]
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- Keep in mind that this may permanently ruin your relationship with the narcissist. If they’ve abused you or seriously mistreated you though, that may be warranted.