How to Make a Narcissist Miserable: 12 Things They Can't Stand

Co-authored by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: December 17, 2022 References

Dealing with a narcissist isn’t easy, and your interactions might leave you feeling upset or on edge pretty frequently. In general, narcissists aren’t willing to change their behavior—so by using their personality traits against them, you can get under their skin and leave them feeling awful. Read through this article to learn how you can push a narcissist’s buttons and make them miserable every time you see them.

1

Ignore them.

Narcissists love attention, whether it’s good or bad. When you ignore a narcissist, you aren’t giving them anything at all—and they can’t stand that. Ignore their texts, don’t answer their phone calls, and don’t talk to them when you see them in person. You’ll notice the narcissist in your life getting more and more angry as you keep ignoring them.^{[1]
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- Want to cut the narcissist out of your life? Go completely no contact by blocking their number and their social media account.

2

Act indifferent toward them.

A narcissist wants to be treated like they’re better than everyone else.^{[2]
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Jay Reid, LPCC
Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor
Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.} You can make them super upset by treating them like everyone else. Don’t praise them excessively, don’t react to their comments, and stick to neutral statements when you’re talking to them.^{[3]
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- If they tell you about one of their accomplishments, say something like, “Oh, cool,” or, “Nice.”
- You could also compare them to someone else. If they tell you about something they did at work, try saying, “Oh yeah, Greg told me about something like that. He did the exact same thing at his job.”

3

Tell them how happy you are.

Narcissists don't want to see other people thriving. In general, a narcissistic person thinks that they’re the only one in the world who deserves to be happy, because they think their reality is the only reality.^{[4]
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Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
Expert Interview. 1 April 2019.} If you’re feeling amazing, show off just how happy you are to make the narcissist in your life super upset.^{[5]
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- “Did I tell you about my big promotion? It came with a raise, too!”
- “My team totally killed it at our kickball tournament last weekend. State championships, here we come!”
- “I’m so happy with my grades this term. I got a 4.0!”

4

Speak in facts, not emotions.

Cold, hard facts are hard for a narcissist to argue with. When you only tell a narcissist about factual things, they have a much harder time disputing what you’re saying. Narcissists want to be able to prove you wrong and belittle you—if you only tell them verifiable truths, they won’t be able to do that.^{[6]
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- “Can we talk about what you said to me earlier? Let me show you the texts you sent me so you remember exactly what you said.”
- “You told them you’d go over to their house today, remember? Here, I saved the email you sent them last week.”

5

Set boundaries and stick to them.

When you stick to your boundaries, it’s harder to manipulate you. Narcissists want you to loosen your boundaries so they can control you more. Make sure you set hard boundaries with the narcissist in your life, and follow through with real consequences if they cross them.^{[7]
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- “If you keep yelling at me, I’m going to walk away.”
- “You’re being disrespectful to me right now. We can continue this conversation once you’ve calmed down.”
- “If you keep calling me names in public, I’m not going to run errands with you anymore.”

6

Tell them no.

Narcissists want you to bend to their demands. When you tell them no, you shatter the illusion that they’re in charge of the world. The next time the narcissist in your life tells you to do something, try saying “no.” Keep in mind, though, that this might make them angry.^{[8]
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- Narcissists act this way because they believe they’re better than you.^{[9]
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  Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
  Licensed Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.} When you stand up for yourself, you directly challenge their perception.
- If the narcissist in your life is abusive, use caution with this tactic. Directly challenging someone who is abusive can be dangerous, and your safety is top priority.

7

Give them an ultimatum for commitment.

Narcissists don’t like being tied down because they don’t feel in control. However, they also don’t want to lose you, because then they’re losing control of you. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, a good way to get under their skin is to ask them to commit to you. You might even give them an ultimatum to really drive your point home.^{[10]
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- “I really want to talk to you about being exclusive. If we aren’t monogamous by next month, I might have to leave.”
- “We’ve been dating for a while now, and I think it’s time to talk about marriage.”

8

Push them to answer to authority.

If there’s one thing narcissists hate, it’s being told what to do. When you push them into a situation where they have to answer to someone else, it’s like their own personal hell. Figure out a way where you can get the narcissist in your life to be underneath an authority figure to really watch them squirm.^{[11]
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- Try signing them up to be an assistant coach for your kid’s sports team. Since they aren't the head coach, they’ll have to report to someone else.
- Or, you could sign them up for a hobby group that they only know a little bit about. When they’re around actual experts, they won’t be able to show off or lie about their skills.

9

Embarrass them in public.

People with NPD want everyone to see them as perfect. When you call them out in front of other people, that facade starts to break down. If you really want to make a narcissist miserable, point out something embarrassing in front of other people. Even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal to you, it will impact them in a big way.^{[12]
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- “Wow! Did you just trip and fall up the stairs? I’m glad no one saw that—oh wait! Everyone saw that!”
- “Wait, did you just say that Cincinnati won the Super Bowl this year? That’s totally wrong—it was the Rams. I thought you knew football, but apparently not!”

10

Point out their failures.

Destroy a narcissist’s perception of themselves to hurt them. If there’s one thing a narcissist can’t stand, it’s being told that they’ve failed somehow. This can be something big, like not getting a promotion at work, or something small, like forgetting to pick up milk at the store. Point these things out to really get under a narcissist’s skin.^{[13]
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- “You forgot the milk again? I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you with the shopping.”
- “I guess you didn’t win that writing contest, huh? That’s a bummer.”
- “You didn’t get the promotion? I’m sorry, that must have been a big blow to your ego.”

11

Call out their manipulation.

Show them you aren’t falling for their act to make them angry. When you notice that a narcissist is really trying to manipulate you, don’t fall for it. Instead, point out how obvious they’re being with their manipulation and how much it’s not working on you.^{[14]
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- “Are you really trying to gaslight me right now? That won’t work on me.”
- “Why are you being so nice to me? What do you want?”
- “Yelling might work on other people, but it doesn’t work on me. I’m not scared of you.”

12

Focus on yourself.

Narcissists want you to put their needs first, not yours. To really make a narcissist angry, start treating yourself with more respect and love. Put your needs first and make them known—don’t ignore your own needs just to cater to theirs.^{[15]
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Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- “Sorry, I can’t help you out today. I’ve got an appointment that I can’t cancel.”
- “I wish I could, but I’m taking the day off today to relax. I’ll talk to you later!”

Warnings

Antagonizing a narcissist can be dangerous, especially if they’ve been abusive to you in the past. Keep your safety in mind, and call the authorities if you feel threatened.

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